I have friends traveling out of the country, going to the beach, road trips, enjoying summer and life, having summer romances, Having great summer jobs and internships. I am just here sitting on my ugly, single and fat ass sweating bad enough that its dripping down my thighs, with family drama all around, broke as hell cant find a summer job that will call me back for an interview, So I cant really travel anywhere, I am miserable as hell in my online summer classes to the point i want to jump out of my bedroom window. Someone please just put me out of my […]
I get ignored just like usual. If i want to go out anywhere or do anything I just seem to go by myself these days. If i go with family members it just turns into one huge screaming match by the end of it. I know my sis is graduating high school and that’s great and all… But it feels like if i say anything people just get irritated and annoyed. I’m trying to stay positive and happy with my music and thoughts but i know i am slowly slipping. The guy i really like. we have so much in common and weve been friends […]
Well I have officially been 5 months self harm free and the last of my scars have finally healed. thought you can still see some of them faint lite pink lines. But I am amazed at my progress though it is slow and the temptation is so real is not even funny. I am doing ok I started my new major this semester and starting to go out more. Though my depression symptoms are still there and haunt me from time to time there no where as bad as they used to be. I have not been to a counselor at any point during this […]
Well tonight was a fine example of why I rarely talk at all to anyone at anymore . With all that’s been happening plus on top of what happened tonight. At this point if something doesn’t change. I might not no longer be here Monday.
Peace!
Hey everybody : I know its been a while since I last posted I just thought I’d post this. I was in the shower earlier this morning when I realized That I haven’t self harmed myself in a little over two months. I noticed it when I was feeling my hip bones this morning and noticed one of my major scars healed almost completely. Though my appetite is still shitty ( due to finals coming up next week) . My mood has been getting better which is a good thing at least. 🙂
Well its less than 2 weeks away till thanksgiving the beginning of the holiday season and I am single for the first time in two years, feeling depressed from the overwhelming load of classwork and haunting thoughts from this time last year. I just feel so alone . To the point that I honestly think its pathetic. I mean I know I’m extremley pretty, nice, loyal, funny , hardworking and yet I am still here alone. I mean its bad enough that I sleep with the tv on just so I have a little bit of company at night. I am trying hard to stay […]
Hey guys, I know its been a while since I last updated . These past few weeks have been extremely rough on me. With drama with friends and my sorority ( It is a long story!), A highly overbearing work demand from my classes, try to figure out what I’m gonna do with my future when I graduate ( Which I honestly have no clue yet!),Found out its gonna be at least 3 weeks or even longer before I can even get an appointment with my university’s counselor ( I mean seriously i know theirs like a thousand and more kids at that school but […]
A perfect weekend ruined by one conversation. After a wonderful 21 st birthday celebration. Now just sitting here with new bruises and scars all over me. I cant do this anymore. taking the pain out on my self from the stress, pain, every single little thing that goes wrong and attacking myself like some kind of animal. If I want to be able to live another 21 years this has to stop. I know I have a lot of bad things happened in my life and some good things. I am seriously considering on getting help like get counseling. I don’t believe in this method […]
Hey guys sorry I haven’t been writing on here in a while. My junior year of college started a few weeks ago. This past weekend was rough 2nd E.R. visit in two months ( both for different reasons), feeling shitty, Accidentally cut my foot open when I bumped into a glass candle while shopping at bath and body works. The bottom end of it landed on my left foot broken part down. Thank goodness it only left a small scar on my foot, ended up being betrayed by a friend at church that I thought I could trust. Now I keep seeing photos and statuses […]
Well today started out today then it got worse. the thought of me losing him. Why is it that some of the best things in my life never seem to last. I mean we’ve been dating for a few months and now due to him losing his apartment and job from reasons beyond his control. He might have to move back in with his parents in another state more than 5,000 miles away. If this does happen I’m thinking about cutting him off completely. I honestly can not deal with any more heartbreak and I don’t want both of us to suffer by dealing with […]
I have been feeling so down these past few days emotionally mostly out of loneliness and past thoughts haunting me. I really want to go down to the local festival tonight. But I don’t want to go a lone. It gets depressing watching the happy couples walk around and the groups of friends. My dating life is pretty much in the pits right now. I have talked to a few guys since me and my ex broke up but they led to no where and I got to be honest most of the single guys around my area suck! well due to the fact that […]
Incase you couldn’t tell that was sarcasm. Its not even noon yet and I am already being bitched at by people. being blamed for every single little fucking thing. I seriously cant wait to be at school again . Living alone is much better than dealing with drama and suicidal thoughts this early in the morning. not by much but regardless its better than nothing. I already added some new scars that should calm me down and hold me over for a while emotionally till i need to do it again. I swear I am sometimes too emotional and kindhearted for my own good. Why […]
Its funny how ones mood can get better so fast for a moement. I went on a trip to a water park yesterday with my sister and a few friends. Found out from one of my friends that my recent ex tried to sabotage me publicly and his planned backfired on him badly…. Just because I spoke about the bullshit hes done to me behind my back on social media. I havent felt so good in a long time. XD
Now off to work for the next 6 days off the day after then traveling for 2 days after that.
Its been almost 6 months since you left . Hard to believe it would still hurt so badly…. We both moved on and yet I now feel cold more than ever and alone. Why ??? seriously just why???? I am so fucking sick of feeling like this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrGq-pSvZg8
I am so sick of people thinking I know of what i want to do but that isn’t the only thing. I wish he would get that through his god damn thick skull. I lost all interest and passion in broadcasting. It was fun and interesting 7 years ago but this semester ruined it for me in a radio class I took. All I wanna do is be an artist be able to express myself through my art work and make a living out of it. But the chances of that are slim… The argument got so nasty last night by the end of the […]
Hey guys and gals, I have not mentioned this but for the past 10 weeks of been getting medical testing done due to some health issues I’ve had since last November.
I have a Dr.s appointment tomorrow to get the test results and honestly I am a nervous wreck . I don’t know if its out of fear what could possibly be wrong with me or hearing those 3 little words… If that would happen I don’t know what I would do . I mean what kind of man would want to marry a girl like that. I sure as hell wouldn’t.
I am not very religious […]
(Hey guys i know this aint really suicide help related but I wrote this based on my exs new gf and I thought for those of us going through a hard time this would be a good laugh. Enjoy!)
To my ex’s New Girlfriend:
So my ex boyfriend dumped me and ended up going out with you. So from woman to woman I thought I would write down a few things you might wanna know about him.
Fantasy: Expect him to stay faithful to him in the relationship?
Reality: HA! Good Luck on that one! He ended up cheating on me right before our 1 year anniversary.
Fantasy: Expecting to […]
Well It looks like I’m all alone once again in my dorm room tonight.. Worse part is I walked down to the lobby of my dormitory and saw a big group of my friends playing a card with a group of guys. Said hi and they said hi back the rest just look at me awkwardly and do I say anything no. Thinking about reopening some old scars on my thighs with one of the spare razor blades in my dresser drawer to cover the pain for a while and just move on…. Much better then break down crying and maybe get some sleep.
So what […]
Hey guys and gals , I know its been a while since I last posted on here and my life it feels like has been going on a downhill slope and no where fast…
I’m not sure if I mentioned this on my last post but me and my (now ex) bf back in February unexpectedly split right before Valentine’s day. No reason at all just happened through text out of the blue after him not responding to any of my fb messages for two weeks and then saying were better off as best friends. Bull Fuckin Shit! Maybe I saw it coming for a longer […]
This hits home so much for me. One struggling for so long when both sides are starting to crumble into one. One side the girl so happy, bubbly, full of life, always smiling or making others laugh. Then the other side of her. The one that cries her self to sleep at night, the one that cuts and self harms herself to keep her pain and emotions under control to keep her from crying out, the one thats hurting on the inside and feels […]