When I was on medication the side effects kept me awake and now that I’ve been drug-free for the past half year it’s pure torment that’s keeping me awake. All day I struggle to focus on anything then I crawl into bed and I ruminate over every single thing that’s happened and experience panic attacks over all the things I can’t change. I wonder why I stick around, I’m a useless piece of shit and should have ended my life a long time ago. I don’t know why I wait for some miracle. I have nothing of value.
Everywhere I go people have something horrible to say about me, whether it’s that I’m an idiot / retard / moron / ugly or disgusting… they just never have anything positive to say and lack the empathy or sympathy to understand how much it hurts. I have no chance of survival because is no way for me to escape emotional pain. Some people would laugh at me behind my back or right in my face and say things like “he’s the ugliest person I’ve ever seen” or “he’s a worthless piece of shit” and some things that people have said have really stuck with me […]
I feel so close to committing suicide, as if at any second I could just jump into the car and drive to my suicide location. I know I’m better off dead, I’m a nobody and when I’m alive I’m just a burden on my family and a scab to society but I feel death and I’m scared. I’ve always been a coward and it’s hard to accept that soon i’m going to inject myself with heroin and jump from the highest building I can find. I don’t want to die but I don’t belong in this world and there is no recourse for me. I’d […]
It’s tearing me apart deciding whether I should commit suicide. I have an effective method and I’m extremely atheist, but I can’t decide whether to it. My life is shit and I doubt I’ll ever be capable of anything worthwhile or worthy of love, but I still cling to life. Why? It’s over. Why can’t I just do it? I feel I’m better off dead but I’m too scared to kill myself. What should I do?
Tonight I found myself driving my brother home because my uncle had made a statement implying that we’re both wasters living off the state. My brother was seething with anger and rejected the notion but for me it’s put things into perspective. All my life I’ve made excuses for myself and thought that I should be judged less harshly because I have a learning disability and suffer from anxiety and depression. I thought my family should love me no matter what. But now I realise the world doesn’t give a fuck about my problems, my weaknesses, or the bad cards it’s dealt. Â I can’t afford […]
I’m a piece of fucking shit and this world should throw a “thank fuck he’s dead” no-expense-sparred party when I drop dead! After dreading my cousins wedding for days and not sleeping for the past week it’s turned out as bad as I imagined. Ofc it would because everything that could have gone wrong in my life has and always will occur… my mum dying shortly after I was born, being beaten and abused, bullied, being fucking retarded and barely hitting puberty, and being mentally ill.
I fucked up the whole day. I got lost driving to the place, I couldn’t find a seat and everyone […]
Despite the fact I’m going to be dead within the next few weeks, I still fear what people think of me. If that’s not a sign that my social anxiety would never abate then I don’t know what is. I can’t describe how difficult it is to be around my family now, but it is mental and emotional torture. I’ve got to pick up my brother tomorrow who’s staying for a few days and I’m sure he’s gonna get sick of me and we’ll fall out. I am so scared because I am aware of which situations I become hated and weddings and big social […]
I explained in my last post how many of my problems are congenital: that i’m extremely stupid, unattractive, physically undeveloped, and have no personality. The pain from this reality is escalating and i’m becoming increasingly angry at the world for it’s lack of empathy. For example, I’ve been to the cinema twice in the past two weeks and on both occasions people sitting opposite have laughed at me and called me a spastic/retard because of the way I stare at the screen and snicker repeatedly at funny moments because I’m too afraid to talk. I’m sick of sales assistants and security guards who glare at me […]
I am only 25 but I feel like suicide has become the only option for me. I want to share my story with you and I hope you’ll give me an honest response on whether it suicide seems acceptable in my case.
My life has always been fucked up. My mum was schizophrenic and an alcoholic. From the post natal depression she was deemed unfit to care for us and I went through several foster families who abused and physically attacked me. She died from liver poisoning when I was 5. My dad took my brother and I in for two years but we lived in […]
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