Furby

i hate everything about myself, but i can’t bring myself to actually go through hurting myself, even self harm doesn’t make me feel anything anymore

i feel like a corpse just crawling around, my mind feels so blank, i can’t even bring myself to cry anymore. everything just hurts, and i don’t know why

no one talks to me or acknowledges my existence, if i were to disappear.. no one would care. i’ve been crying out for help, but no one cares

my head hurts so much, when will it stop? everything hurts, sleeping doesn’t ease the pain away anymore.. i can’t focus on my dreams, they all […]

tomorrow is when i graduate high school.

why is my brain still holding onto being a child? the constant yearning for care and love.. the amount of plushies i still have.. and how much i get hurt from the most smallest of things..

it’s not like i want to grow up, but i need to if i want to survive. i didn’t expect to live this long though..

graduation is coming up.. how did i make it here? i should’ve died a long time ago.. i don’t know what to do after, and i can only regret what i haven’t done long ago. i wish i was part of a big project.. a big community.. hell, just something to add to my portfolio but.. i’ve never been motivated to do anything, even making comics.

but i could’ve been something.. and now? i don’t know.

i just had a dream about one of my fears, being pregnant. when i awoke, i had realized something..

the one good thing about me is that i’m ugly as shit. no body would want to knock me up or rape me because of that fact, so i don’t ever have to worry about being pregnant. another thing is that now that i’m 18, no pedo pretending they like me would not go for me anyway, since i’m now out of their preferred age range.

i suppose that’s the only good thing about me.

it’s rather late, but still, i would like to wish everyone an okay christmas and a better year. keep hanging on.

how did things go so wrong in just a short amount of days?

i want to get out of here, please, for the love of god. we lost the house we were going to move to because they rented it out to other people while under contract, so now im stuck with a shitty brother and a shitty neighbor.

and with the rise of ai art.. art with no soul.. no compassion or understanding, just mangled messes now threatening my future- or at least the future i think i wanted to have.. i was never really sure on what i wanted to be in the first place. […]

maybe it’s childish, maybe i deserve it in the end. i don’t like to go outside of my room and see his horrid face and hear his demonic voice. i keep myself in my room until he slumbers, starving myself till it’s time to go out.

i’ve been living with hunger pains for 2-3 years, and only now am i getting more moody and suicidal because of it. cutting myself more, bashing my head more, and choking myself more just to get the pain out. even so.. after all these years of being hungry, i still limit myself to 900-1200 calories. is that too big? i’m […]

i will not forgive him out of your convince. you’re my mother and you’ve been with me every step of my life, and i’ve told you the things that man has done to me. you simply don’t care, you just want us to be a “happy family” again. why do i have to be silenced? why do you leave me alone with this horrible excuse of a human being? why do you defend him?

when i told you i wanted to die, you told me you wouldn’t care if i killed myself. now you just deny saying that in the first place whenever i bring it […]

i still get nightmares about my ex.

i wake up in cold sweat, still wondering if they’re spamming my phone with apologies, excuses, pleas, or just menaces. i have dreams about them crawling back to me for revenge, mocking me. sometimes i do have dreams of them being nicer.. but i always remember about how much they stalked me. im surprised there hasn’t been a bomb sent to my house since they probably still have my address.

i’ve heard their voice in my dreams, its been such a long time. it was soft.. but i still get shaken up.

no, i dont miss them in any shape or […]