Abandoned
i want to take another walk to the bridge…..
Why wont he say im a problem. I know i am. Im not stupid. I tried to jump off a bridge to think im not a problem would be stupid. Please just say it and ill be gone.
the more and more i do this helping thing the more and more i want to go into hiding and never return
there i was standing on the bridge thinking of all the what ifs. what about. what if i jump? what i succeed? what if i dont? what about my grampy? what about my cats? will anyone stop? will i hear sirens any minute? and then i felt it. this hand on my shoulder. i turned around dazed and confused. there was this girl standing there. “are you ok” she asked me. “im fine. just looking at the water” i tried to tell her. but i couldnt. i started crying instead. i hugged her and said thank you. she asked what was wrong and i told […]
now my diagnosis is right around the corner and im freaking out! they are going to send me to the mental hospital. thats where they put people that jump out of moving cars and bash their head off walls as hard as they can. i…..i just cant. and if they do they wont listen me. no way would they. why would they listen to the insane person. but they have to right? i mean in a case like this….he touched me. you cant…..he tried to kill me…..and he works there…..they cant send me there can they? i dont want to go.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
do i just flow into the mold of others taking on their personality just so they like me? is it a personality disorder where i am just many different people? or is it just who i am, a jack of many trades one might say?
i remember the exact moment i first heard this song and it hit me like a mack truck. i just couldnt do it anymore.
you were with your friends and i was…..off with someone else. i was sitting at the picnic table just on the edge of the group. everything was…fine. i was playing with his phone and going through his music. the only thought that went through my head was “oh a song by 3dg i havent heard” i apparently didnt think about the title itself long enough. so i clicked it. within seconds my heart sunk. that was years ago now and […]
i try my hardest everyday to see the light. but some days its so dark, its like a black hole. just eating all the light that comes any wheres near it. but i still try even though i see it as pointless. like im in a well clawing and digging hoping to grab a hold of anything to pull myself up. but it seems all i have to hold on to is the lighter side of my mood/personality disorder. its nothing more than a little twig. not the strong root that i need to hold me. i need to find something stronger before i […]
Advice? Ive always had a strong stance towards change. I never wanted someone to change because of me. Its my problem not yours. You shouldnt have to change who you are because of me. Is mental illness different? Lately ive been thinking about leaving my husband because we are 2 different people. Where as my temper gets set off because someone decided to “step on my toes” his will get set off by the stupidest little things like someone walked out in front of him. I understand why. He explained it to me. But i grew up being yelled at and now when theres anger […]
Sometimes its best for them if they dont know. They dont need to know im suicidal again. He doesnt need to know i tried to jump out of a moving vehical. He doesnt need to know failing that i tried to cause an accident to make him let me go.
No one NEEDS to know.
you say you do, but you put my step and half siblings first. i was gone for 18 years. you say you love me. you say you thought of me everyday and yet i havent heard from you in over a year. not a hi or how are you. NOTHING! oh well. in the meantime i got married and bought a place. but you dont know anything about that. some dad you are. so excited to message me when i turned 18 you couldnt even wait 1 more day. you messaged me a day early….well…where are you now? sending your girlfriend to do it? really? […]
I have a diagnosis app nov27th. I have a therapist app dec3rd. I already missed 2 therapist appointments. And honestly at this point im thinking about just cancelling them all.
He paid attention to me. no one ever paid attention to me. my parents abused me. my friends ignored me unless it was convenient for them. my boyfriends acted like i wasnt there unless they were kissing me. but he paid attention to me. he made me laugh. every time i felt bad butterflies. and every time i did nothing. i just stood there. i didnt say anything. i wanted to push his hands away and run. i wanted to run out of the school and down the road until i couldnt run anymore. it made me feel sick. and yet every time i acted […]
wtf is with the spam? it can be gone for months and then it seems like literally every post is spam. there has to be a way to fix this. i mean its a suicide site unless its a noose i highly doubt their spam is gonna sell here.
At work….dont i believe i ran i to the worst possible person (at least for me theres obviously worse people like hilter although im not 100% sure its him but im going to fimd out). I spent my day feeling sick. And then didnt i go to my friends sentencing. More anxiety! Thankfully anxiety attacks dont hang around that long. I hope ill be feeling better in the morning.
2 weeks ago i bought it. and everyone is acting like its a surprise. please! im an addict. what did you think was gonna happen? i was gonna be fine with a single joint lasting me 3-4 days. yeah right. and now i need something stronger……