I was talked out of suicide the other day. Guilt-tripped out of it, more accurately. And now I feel even worse than I did. I want to die even more. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I’m just so… drained. Already dead inside. There was a quote I read, something about, “You’re just a soul carrying around a corpse” or something like that.
I have one reason I’m alive and he’s also the reason I want to die.
I don’t even know what to do anymore… I have no one to help me…
Even surrounded by people I’m so alone…
You know, there’s something about depression that gets me… the way you are suddenly unable to see things clearly. It makes you ask why everyone stopped caring, and I wish I was told this when I was extremely depressed. Then again, that may have been the reason I learned it for myself…
Those people who you thought cared, and then abandoned you? It’s quite possible they actually did care, at least in the beginning. They saw something in you, and just because they chose to stop seeing it, doesn’t mean it’s not there anymore. It was there for them to see, and even if it’s not […]
I can’t help it. I just can’t stand it anymore. I’m so alone… There’s no one for me. No one to care, no one to help, no one to even just see.
My friends have been ignoring me, and I don’t know why. I know I’ve snapped a few times, but they have too. And now, one of them, one of the two who mean the most to me, hates me–at the very least. I want to say is was because he wouldn’t communicate with me. I feel like he’s blaming me for everything that happened, and I hate it. I get blamed for enough […]
I can’t do it. I can’t.
I’m in so much pain, all the time… not physically. Emotionally and mentally.
I haven’t been on this site in a while… Not really, since (he)… left. God… I wish I’d gone with him. So much. Then I wouldn’t be forced to endure. I hate enduring. It feels like waiting, waiting for even more terrible shit to happen. But I have too many people I would hurt if I went, hurt like I was hurt when (he) left forever, to a place where I could never speak with him again.
I miss him… I really do. He was my lifeline. I […]
Sometimes I wonder if life is really worth it. I mean, you grow up, you work, you pay off a government that doesn’t do jack sh*t for you, and you do that till you die. Why not just end it?
I can’t think right now. Ever since I cried that last time, when I found out James died, I feel as though I’m walking without purpose. I shouldn’t… I have a wonderful boyfriend. Amazing friends. Even though there’s still a lot of drama going on… with my friends… shouldn’t I be… well… more? More of anything… right now I feel like nothing.
My boyfriend always […]
You left me, James. Not even a text or a message to say you were ending it. I know I wasn’t the best friend I could have been… should have been… But I wish you’d at least tried. I would have tried to help, even though I was so far away. Maybe I could have talked you out of it for a little while… maybe it would have been long enough for you to realize that maybe suicide wasn’t the thing for you. You could have had so much.
I feel so selfish, sitting here and thinking as I write this, that maybe all the […]
I’m done.
New year’s day. Can’t wait.
I’m in that room again. It’s so colorless. Every time I find myself here I feel like I’m going to fall, because I can’t see anything—it’s all white. No shadows, no indication of walls. But they’re there. I know where they are… I just can’t see them. They’re like glass. Glass that I can’t see the shine on, because there’s no light. At the same time, I can still see. It’s confusing, and it hurts my head to think about. Sometimes I wonder why they put me here, but then the not-memories come aga—
“Chickie!â€
I look up from my book, my pen vanishing into a scarf […]
Tonight I was so fucking suicidal… My friends stayed up on the computer until 2 in the morning to make sure I was alive after I took all those pills… They didn’t even know I took them. I said I put them away. But I didn’t. I don’t deserve my friends…
Someone special to me, I’m not sure if they’re ok, or if I’ll ever get to speak with them again. I also found out the guy I fell in love with is still hung up on a girl he loves, who now hates him, and he never wants to love again… I carved up […]
I just cut myself deep enough to see bone. And I don’t know why. I’m not even that depressed today. Funny thing is, I know it won’t leave a scar. I don’t get scars. My skin heals, always. A friend of mine has worried and angered me… If they’ve done what I think they’ve done, I never got to say goodbye, or that I cared about them. They just disappeared in the middle of a conversation.
My new school had helped, some, but in other ways it’s the same as my old school. I don’t understand why I even bother going…
I’m so confused… I know […]
Little red rivers, flowing softly over skin, onto cloth. She watches, eyes void of any emotion, as her life-force empties from her veins. There are no memories, no running through her life one last time. There is nothing but growing darkness.
But there is a story. A story behind those eyes that will soon close forever, a story that, had the author possessed any mercy whatsoever, might have been different, and she might not be bleeding to death by her own hand.
It started with a room. A simple, small room, where she kept her things. One by one, those things were taken away, sometimes given […]
Sometimes, building a life out a lies, held together by the times you’ve fooled everyone else into believing them, and becoming trapped by the very lies you’ve used to protect yourself is just too easy.
To keep myself going, to keep making the people important to me happy, I’ve lied. I lied about how I feel, what I’m doing, what I want to do with my life.
I say I feel fine, that I’m okay.
Lie.
I’m alone at my house, crying, too depressed to think clearly and too heartbroken to keep trying.
I say I’m doing nothing, or just chilling.
Lie.
I’m either cutting my wrists and […]
I just turned 16, which means I’m now ‘old enough’ to date. And I can’t stop thinking about it.
All my life, I’ve been drepressed, or numb. I don’t know what love feels like anymore… I knew it, once, with a boy… he was–is–a wonderful person. I think I still love him, but force myself to make it only as family-like friend. He made me happy… made me feel like I could be loved. Like I belonged somewhere… with him. Like I had a place in a world I didn’t know yet.
Of course, it ended… we lived–live–in different states, and the distance was too great… […]
I’m killing myself in a few minutes. This life is too much to handle. I can’t keep going like this, alone. And I am alone. Sure, I have friends and family, but I’m isolated. So much that I can barely remember what it’s like to have those, to have the support of my friends, to have that actual friendship. The feeling someone cares. I can’t… I don’t want to keep living. My life… is nothing. Nothing more than heartbreak after heartbreak. I’m surprised the pieces can still feel enough to keep getting hurt.
I am hurting, more than I ever thought I could. I can’t take […]
I really thought I could do this; keep going, and actually live this time.
I can’t.
I’m drowning in my own thoughts, they keep coming and coming and they won’t stop once they’re here. Any other time I just CAN’T think. But times like now I can’t STOP thinking. There must be something wrong with me.
Everything important has been taken away from me by force, and now I have neither the strength or will to fight it.
Why can’t I just die?
They say they care, but they don’t know me.
I don’t even know me.
As I once heard someone say, If my mind is gone, why can’t my body […]
You see nothing more
Than what I choose to show
You see a calm shore
When I’m really drowning
Why is it that I can’t say
What’s really bothering me?
It as if the thing that’s in the way
Is my perception
You know only what I
Choose to tell you
And even then it’s what I
Didn’t want to
Why is it that I can’t say
What’s really bothering me?
What’s really in the way
Is both you and I
I fear this crumbling act
More than I choose to show
And I fear how you’ll act
If you ever know
Is this why I can’t say
What’s really […]
I want out. I want to die… I have nothing left to fight for. I have nothing… no one. Not even my friends, anymore.
I’m thought… I have friends… but how can I trust that? How can I believe it? When I need for someone to notice that something is wrong, when I need a hug or for someone to say that they’ll be there for me… no one ever does. Only when they thought they lost me did they actually say anything. And within a few minutes they forgot about it.
Like I’m taken for granted and always have been. I’ve sat and listened […]
I just can’t get this feeling that I need to tell someone everything… For me, this is as close as I’ll ever get… I’m sorry if it takes a little while to explain everything, but this is also me trying to sort everything out as well as tell.
I’m trapped in my own head… I have three different “me”s inside my mind, all yelling and screaming and fighting to get out. Every day I have to face it–how can I not, when it’s myself that’s turned against me? And every day I’m drifting farther and farther from sanity, safety, and all my loved ones, because I […]
I’ve been suicidal and depressed for years. But now I think I may have a way to start healing.
My mom just brought home a kitten, and we’re going to try and save it. It’s so tiny… I want to help it, to grow.
I think having this little kitten may be the thing I need, because it’s a purpose. I never had one before.
If you’re suicidal, maybe you should consider getting a pet and raising it. At least try it once.
This might take a while, but it’s a lot I have to deal with (though I know it’s not as much as some people).
I’m a sophomore in high school, wondering if I should kill myself. I’ve tried before, but every time I failed, sometimes because I couldn’t do it fast enough before someone came in and stopped me.
I know I have so much going for me, but all of it is also the reason I want to die sometimes. I’m on the swim team, one of three things that I truly love. But sometimes everything else makes it too hard for me to even function […]
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