Author

QuirkyFox

I had 'A Typical' clinical depression since age 15. Caused by family circumstances. My feelings don't matter to anyone but me, to me they are all that matter. I am currently existing in the place between life and death. Trapped here by love. I suffer without my only one true wish. One day I will be gone and only a small few will remember. KIK QuirkyF "if you need us"

Managing Emotions … Yeh right.

by QuirkyFox 12/2/2017

written by QuirkyFox

I’m fucked. I can’t cope. Life is so difficult. For what gain? Why do we struggle and try to be better, try to grab hold of our mental health, try to control it. I can’t control my bank account let alone my mental health.

Last time I was here 2015, well posting. I’ve been lurking off and on. Since then I’ve engaged with MH workers, Drs… Psychiatrists & Im on meds. I spend 3 hrs a week working directly on my mental health. I feel worse than I did before I started. My emotional outbursts are horrific. I’m a shaking crying violent mess 🙁 I […]

12/2/2017 2 comments

Here I go again

by QuirkyFox 5/12/2016

written by QuirkyFox

I haven’t posted for a while, but I have popped in to read when I’ve been feeling low. It makes me feel better to know there’s others out there who share a similar emptiness inside.

I was on before banging on about my complete and utter loneliness. – well I sorted it, found someone who loves me and miraculously who I love in return. But it’s not enough. I’m still empty inside. I thought love was the answer, but all I do is push him away I try his patience and now after 10 months he’s ‘almost’ had enough. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, […]

5/12/2016 3 comments

Depression… Always comes back.

by QuirkyFox 11/3/2015

written by QuirkyFox

Can I just say a small quiet hello to all the lonely people out there.

((Please note this is a rant… Save yourself the time reading it, basically I have no friends and life’s challenges are overwhelming)).

I found this place at the beginning of the year during a real low point of obsessive suicide ideation. I got through it, I’m still here.

I managed to find a freak like me who loves me. He’s the best. He has a lot of friends and the prettiest face I’ve ever seen, the biggest heart and scars, more scars than I could kiss in one night.

I used to read people’s […]

11/3/2015 11 comments

When I am dead

by QuirkyFox 5/25/2015

written by QuirkyFox

I will miss being held by those who love me.

I will miss watching cow parsley swaying in the breeze.

I will miss songs that remind me of those who left me.

I will miss the smell of warm rain, small rabbits, dandelions and daisies.

I will miss helping those who need me.

I will rest in peace, knowing I brought more joy than pain to the world.

Although I regret the harsh words I sometimes spoke, especially to those who hurt me.

I hope my death does not take long, I don’t want to suffer or have people watch me suffer.

I wanted death a couple of months ago. Then I found a […]

5/25/2015 9 comments

Addiction

by QuirkyFox 5/19/2015

written by QuirkyFox

I’m starting to feel depressed again. I’m worried because this time I have nothing to feel depressed about. Besides my physical pain… Which I’m perpetuating with self abuse. I took the day off work today. I feel broken. My body is starting to die. My addictions have sucked the life from me. I have given myself entirely over to satisfying the insatiable. I would gladly die today, preferably by the hand of another. I don’t think it matters what The addiction is…Addictions destroy lives. I hate being an addict. I can’t stop, not until I am literally unable to move. Then I just collapse. I […]

5/19/2015 3 comments

Sharp Edges

by QuirkyFox 4/28/2015

written by QuirkyFox

I need the edge of insanity, to know I’m not crazy.

I want to share the darkest parts of me, be heard and understood.

I crave my death, but will fight for last breaths.

Inside I’m dead, I died when you left.

I can only see my beauty, inside empty hearts.

I need to suffer for my pleasure, I want to suffer for my art.

Are you the one to take me there? Come play loves darkest game.

Mark me with dark bruises, in time they’ll fade away.

Watch me through your windows, while im […]

4/28/2015 5 comments

Be selfish

by QuirkyFox 4/12/2015

written by QuirkyFox

Day 2 no meds. I’m starting to feel again and I feel a sense of rage. It’s like my body is starting to shake inside from my suppressed anger. Anger because I am one of those dickheads who always puts people first. I am always trying to figure out how to please people.

You know what!? You can’t please anyone and no one can please you. Being content and happy comes from inside. I know this, I fucking KNOW IT deep in my core. But for some reason I am constantly looking for someone, someone who will take my love, someone who will give me love.

Well […]

4/12/2015 6 comments

First day

by QuirkyFox 4/11/2015

written by QuirkyFox

This is my first day coming off my meds and already I’m staring to cry. Nothing’s wrong! I’m at work… But I feel an overwhelming sadness welling up inside me. Because my life is so shit because I always fuck up. I don’t know… people tell me I have so much going for me. Why do I feel like my world is constantly falling down and there is no hope of building it up again.

4/11/2015 6 comments

Alone with my tears

by QuirkyFox 4/5/2015

written by QuirkyFox

I just joined… Have no one to talk to, so here’s my first vent.

Alone and crying, confused since childhood. I’m addicted to the love I never had. I love the ones who don’t love me back. Im stuck in the pain of rejection- for years. I cry for months. Alone in darkness, silent without music. Music haunts my memories. On the outside I wear a smile and life goes on. I move quickly, work hard and keep going. No one knows how I feel inside. They laugh with me and say ‘you’ll be alright’. But at home I cry, all night. My dreams of love […]

4/5/2015 13 comments