Author

RogueShadow1281

My dad is an asshole and doesn't listen to me. I am agnostic but my dad forces me to go to the jehovahs witness cong. So ive never felt the greatness of celebrations ive never had a gf and i sit and play video games all day im 15 suicide is my answer

</3 Heartbroken </3

by RogueShadow1281 6/8/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I felt numb yesterday. Now, I feel shitty, tired, and more useless than ever. I’m going to join the army, get shot or blown up and then that’s it. How will I get through high school though…Â

Sadness creeps into me, cold chills and sweat cover my body. I feel lonely, Jasmine. I love her so much, I don’t want to live without her. People said I have the symptoms of OCD. Possibly, but still, these feelings are as real as a blade cutting into me. (I ain’t a cutter)Â

Â I wish she would tell me she wants to take back breaking up with me. She said […]

6/8/2012 2 comments

by RogueShadow1281 6/6/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I, for the first time in some time was actually happy. The stresses of life had finally been lifted enough for me to cope a little longer. I had a girlfriend, the love of my life, Jasmine. She’s my cousin, but now she broke it off today and I feel numb. My body and limbs felt weak, (similar to male orgasm where my legs feel weird, and now I’m numb. She said its weird that we’re related. But she still loves me.Â

I fell for her and I was planning on asking her to marry me in 2 years or so when she’s 18 or so. […]

6/6/2012 2 comments

My… Our first date…

by RogueShadow1281 5/19/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I went on my first date with Jasmine. Although it took nearly forever to get to see her (about 2 hours), I got to see her and whatever deity or unknown force decided to fuck off today.Â

Alex, her brother was there too. He understands the situation now and so does my brother, I love Jasmine and there’s nothing that will change it.Â

Even though I feel sexual thoughts for her, let me tell you that since she’s a girl, and I’m a guy, then that means… I will get sexual feelings for her? Yeah thats right.Â

But I was so nervous it took me till we were […]

5/19/2012 4 comments

(insert attention grabber here)

by RogueShadow1281 5/14/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I decided to write on SP… I’m lonely right now. I have nothing to do… I should go to bed, but I am restless. I really want to see Jasmine, but I guess even though she’s the most important person in my life, it doesn’t matter, since society will just make me feel bad for having my own desires and stuff. Whatever then, I’m still waiting on my dad to get me a psychiatrist to analyze my head, hope I can get some pills or something to help me. Or i just need to not be alone at all times. I seem fine when in […]

5/14/2012 6 comments

True love or lust?

by RogueShadow1281 5/11/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I feel a deep love for Jasmine, a longing to show her I love her. I have gone past the sexual thoughts and I just want to hold her and kiss her. I was reading a sex story based on the Naruto show and how he pleased the women he seduced by treating them well. He showed them he would treat them right. I got teary eyed and my heart felt weird as I thought of Jasmine and as I think of it I get cold chills.Â

I love Jasmine so much. Is this not a feeling of love? Is this really purely a desire and […]

5/11/2012 10 comments

I fucked up

by RogueShadow1281 5/7/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I listened. I broke it off with my cousin. I couldn’t sleep at night, had many panic attacks. This is very problematic. I think I made a mistake. She probably hates me now, well at least I will get a psychiatrist sometime soon. I just texted her and she hasn’t answered, anxiety is coming back at school. Never had a public panic attack. I’m worried.Â

I think i fucked up bad, breaking up with jasmine. She’s my cousin but these intense feelings are real, as real as pain, and until they go away, then I still feel love for her. Mot just plain lust. Yeah, she […]

5/7/2012 0 comment

by RogueShadow1281 5/7/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

Multiple panic attacks. Tonight will be a long night, I can’t and won’t sleep. -_- my third post and waiting for my 4rth or thrid panic attack this night. Keep reflecting on my epiphany very bad for me to to do. Oops not again. Fuck meÂ

5/7/2012 11 comments

by RogueShadow1281 5/7/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I’m giving up on going for jasmine and broke it off with her. Not going to talk to her for a while. Probably going to go apeshit sometime soon with my depression. I’m worried, I’m considering myself unstable because my depression may suddenly kick itself up a notch suddenly. Bracing for it… Thanks one_day for giving me that good ole punch to the face my naive mind needed, now I might spiral out of control, and nickname thanks too and I’m sory if i snapped at you -_-

5/7/2012 10 comments

Pissed off (crazy)

by RogueShadow1281 5/6/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

Baby sister has been crying for the past hour, every time something happens, she cries. She’s the shrieking kind of crying, makes me wanna kill that piece of shit. Too bad I have “no balls”, nor to kill myself. So i hope I’m destined to do something. I have been angry for the past 3 days, ever since my little “date” with my cousin jasmine was canceled because her mom has no money.Â

I’m incredibly angry, stepdad brings the baby into the living room so it could cry in my fucking ear as I play video games (not intentionally) and I sit here holding my emotions […]

5/6/2012 32 comments

by RogueShadow1281 5/2/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

My cousin is now my girlfriend. I’m going to take her to Conejo Valley Days which is the county fair over here. I can’t wait to spend that time with her.Â

I’ve begun branching out on my stories for my war genre involving my alter ego Rogue Shadow. I would give you a preview, but I have barely started with a mere 10 pages altogether. Let’s hope it’s good. I’m thinking of what website I might post it on. Hope I can get pissed off more often at my dad and continue the beginning of Rogue Shadow with the brutal murder of his parents. (Nate’s parents, […]

5/2/2012 2 comments

Incest (that’ll catch your attention)

by RogueShadow1281 4/30/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I have begun writing a story on war. Hopefully, I can make it detailed and descriptive, yet still interesting. It’s a war story, based on the near future where the government goes completely corrupt, ruled by the Illuminati and the rich. There are the NUSA, which is the New United States Army/of America, but might change it to something less to the point.Â

There’s Â Rogue Shadow’s Units/Union(RSU), introducing Rogue Shadow as the leader and consists of a expanding band of Rogues, which are plainly living shadows most likely infused with humans, some are shadows that move of their own free will. Religious people would consider them […]

4/30/2012 2 comments

Still alive… -_-

by RogueShadow1281 4/29/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

So I’m not dead. Apparently the gun show does not permit loaded weapons, it’s only staring at guns and ogling them and done. No test firing or anything… -_- So I’ll be alive.Â

I’m going to ask out my cousin Jasmine. Going to ask her if she’ll be my secret girlfriend. A term I’m using since she has feelings for me as I do for her. I’m going to ask her next time I see her, but I don’t know when that will be. She saved me from choosing death, I have a chance with her.Â

I don’t believe in God, but in this past week I […]

4/29/2012 11 comments

Ut mortem occupet nos

by RogueShadow1281 4/23/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

Gun show on Saturday. Hopefully the day of my suicide. I will make arrangements for someone to take the password to my iphone so they can get a good glimpse at y memoirs in my notes. I will begin to write suicide notes for all my loved ones, maybe send one last message onto the original suicide project. Good bye OSP. Good luck with your lives.Â Ut mortem occupet nos
Ut mortem occupet nos
Ut mortem occupet nos

4/23/2012 4 comments

I wrote2 posts, but the hatred and depression and stuff keep coming back.

by RogueShadow1281 4/22/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

It’s been a few hours after my last post. I am tired of this shit. I’m tired of living, I hate life. No point in having one. God is a false deity. The idea that God is Satan is very thorough, but I still don’t believe in a god. Or else he’s past insane. He keeps repeating human’s course over billions and billions of people and never is there a right person. Everyone is evil. I wonder what was Jesus’ motives. He was probably filling his ego. Maybe he was brainwashed.Â

I hope to join the army in 1 1/2 years. That’s too far away, though. […]

4/22/2012 8 comments

I’m done with this. </3 Life is pointless. Absolutely…

by RogueShadow1281 4/22/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I tried thinking positively, but then I feel passionate about my cousin and guess what? I can’t see her anymore and her mom got into a big arguement with my dad with her brother telling me we might not see each other anymore forever. Freaked me out. I’m worried he’s right. If he is, then I’m done….

I have wanted to resort to suicide for a while, but I’m all talk and no do. Sadly, that means my death is not going to happen. What am I looking forward to? Getting high off weed in a week or so? Then what?

I’ll be getting high alone, trying […]

4/22/2012 2 comments

by RogueShadow1281 4/20/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

If you every feel invisible…Â
Just imagine you were a spy, or on a mission, avoiding detection. That’s what I do. My black converse make little noise and I walk at the same speed as the fastest walking person to not be heard. When I see someone I know walk by, I hide behind someone else until the don’t see me. I take mental notes of people’s attire, pretending to find my target.Â

I imagine myself doing extraordinary things while I walk, dodging incoming fire, vaulting over obstacles. Make it fun, maybe you might survive a bit longer.Â

On a side note, I got little to no […]

4/20/2012 1 comment

Fly with me by Flyleaf is stuck in my head. It’s a good song, with a lovely voice.

by RogueShadow1281 4/16/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

I sit here, reading stories and texting my beautiful cousin. She has begun to flirt with me, while everyone told me I should be asking for sex with my cousin as an ill-attempt for her to feel closer to me. I revealed my sexual fantasies and what-not to her, and she has begun to like me back. I feel high, for some odd reason. The term perma-fried is going through my mind meaning I’m always high, maybe it’s finally finding happiness.Â

I just hope that happiness lasts. I love her so much, I wish I could ask her to be my girlfriend. I would take her […]

4/16/2012 6 comments

Hi

by RogueShadow1281 4/1/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

Don’t you hate it when you take a dump and ur dick falls asleep along with ur leg? Happenes to me all the time, probably poor blood circulation for a 17 year old…

I wrote this 3 days ago and since wordpress doesn’t let me write on my iphone without lag, I just copy and paste it which is easier.

My dad pissed me off a bit. Between the facts I know and the facts he knows, we are both ignorant of each other. I tell him what I heard and he tells me that he’s older and therefore he has all the brains and […]

4/1/2012 36 comments

Doesn’t matter much what this is about…

by RogueShadow1281 3/20/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

Here I am. In bed. Listening to music. Hoping I get some thought I can keep going on with that hopefully doesn’t involve incest, joining the Army, or anything else that may cause an argument. I just don’t need to argue, I’m ignorant. I just don’t feel that it’s worth it.

I feel bad that my cousin is using me as a role model and I’m in love with her, yet she allows me to remind her constantly and she seems willing to do as I please. I understand I shouldn’t take advantage. I’m merely dwelling on it, no need to talk about that.

I […]

3/20/2012 13 comments

Recap on my previous post on incest and my pain medication. Also love can be tagged on here, but mostly incest. I <3 Jasmine and Bethany!!! ðŸ’˜

by RogueShadow1281 3/18/2012

written by RogueShadow1281

Let’s recap, shall we?

I’m absolutely in love with my cousin. She’s giving me the chance to perform oral sex on her. And yes she is my blood relative. I am a sick fuck. I looked on the internet and found other sick fucks out there mostly in eastern United States like Alabama.

I have fallen for one Alabama girl named Bethany of whom I haven’t met, but she is everything I dream of and more. She wants me to meet her as do I.

My cousin cares about me, but I don’t know why she would let me perform cunninglus on her. That seems bad since […]

3/18/2012 92 comments

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