I can’t believe such a horrible person as me could be allowed to live. I’m awful. I ruin everything I touch. I hurt everyone I love. I don’t deserve to live. I’m a toxic asshole who doesn’t deserve to be forgiven or loved or anything. I always had a vague idea of how horrible I am, but this just hit me so hard. I don’t deserve friends. I don’t deserve love. I definitely don’t deserve forgiveness. I hate this I just want to die. I deserve to die. I’m the problem. I’m always the problem
I guess I should say things are sort of better now, in some ways. I heard from my partner again, so much has happened with them, I’m just so glad he’s okay, that he’s alive. I feel really guilty for a few things, but he ofc said it wasn’t my fault. They talk to me every day, check on me, tell me they love me, and they think I’m a good person. I haven’t heard anything of the sort for so long. Close to 2 years, I guess. I feel more okay with living now. I don’t think I’m worth it still, but I guess […]
To live, to suffer, to pray for it all to end.
To live some pathetic lie, that everythings fine. When in the end you will die. Everyone will die.
To endure, only to break. A neverending hurt, with everything, and nothing at stake.
There is only one escape now. To leave, never come back. Leave this hell called the world, fading into black.
To end, just to end it all.
-sorry, ik this sucks lol. I’ll blame my sleep deprivation rather than my shitty writing skills. I’m not okay.
This pain is so bad it hurts me even physically. Let me die now, I cant handle anymore. I’m too weak, too horrible, too selfish because I cant make it go away. I’m not worth loving no matter how much I want it. I’m part of the rot of the world that fucks up everything. I deserve to die a long and painful death. I think they know. I think they’re ashamed to even look at me. I try so hard. I fuck up everything. Theres no point. The world would be a little better if I were gone. It hurts. Please kill me.
Not dead yet. Which is uhm, cool, I guess…
I’ve finally found a method, shitty though it may be in some ways, I could still make it work. It’s progress I guess, I never really knew how exactly I’d go out, which made me start questioning if I’m really as bad mentally as I think, or if I’m just “magnifying” it as they say, basically being dramatic. I don’t know. I haven’t said anything to anyone for a while now. Nobody around me knows anything. I’m doing it like that so I don’t just become a drag for them for months or a year or however […]
Hi. I’m not sure how much longer I’m gonna be here. I feel like I cant even breathe anymore. The noise won’t stop, both around me and in my head. I feel like *insert method here* so fucking bad right now. Though I don’t know why that way specifically. Never thought I’d go that way. But I might. I can’t handle this anymore. They don’t listen and they don’t care. I don’t see any point in being alive right now. This is so repetitive. They all probably find me obnoxious. I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been trying to look for methods for […]
If I were dead, my dad would actually have to step up and take care of his kids, instead of making his parents, and in turn me, do so. I bet he doesn’t even think about it. I wonder if he thinks about us at all when he’s gone. Or cares. I feel like a nuisance every time I talk to him. I can’t talk to him about anything – like with mental or social issues. He doesn’t care. He said it wasn’t real and I was being selfish. That was years ago.
It’s been a shitty few days. I’ve already started procrastinating on my schoolwork […]
Soon the time will come, where I will say goodbye.
Formulate my last words, try not to make them cry.
Soon I will fade away, while the rest move on.
An interesting phenomenon.
Soon the night will come, and in the night I’ll die.
They may, or may not cry.
I’ll take my one last breath.
I’ll kiss the face of death.
And say goodbye forever.
Soon.
I can’t- I just cant do it anymore.
I’m going to kill myself. I dont even care. This shit never fucking ends. No one around me gives a shit.
The people who know don’t even take it seriously. They dont care. I understand that their shit is worse and that I’m just a piece of shit who can’t handle anything. I bet all they think I do is b!tch and b!tch and b!tch and b!tch even when I never talk about it anymore.
It doesnt matter anymore because I dont care. I’m sure in some way or another I’m a selfish asshole who’s ungrateful and just a stupid […]
Day 3 of being either constantly anxious leading to me being sick or depressed. Slightly paranoid probably. At least I don’t have to do anything today I guess. I’ve been worrying about everything. I’m eating less and less. And then I want to die for eating. I feel gross. Anyways. I missed my 4th day of school for an eye appointment, only to hear what I expected. Which isnt horrible I guess but it’s a long drive to talk to a doctor for 20 minutes max. I cant very well drive yet because of eye issues which is why I’m going haha. My grandparents took […]
It sounds strange I guess, but I want to cry. But I can’t. Don’t know why. I feel like sh¡t and I feel like its eating me alive inside. I cant take this. I don’t even think I can eat, which should be fine. I wish I could’ve stayed home today. I don’t ever want to get out of bed again.
I can’t find anything to live for. Or anyone. I’m so lonely. I can’t talk to anyone. I don’t want to bother anyone, but I don’t like this either.
I know I’m being stupid. There’s nowhere for me to go right now. So I’m just rambling […]
The same shit all the time. My family argues in the car, sister all over me and not giving me any room, same “turn another leaf” bs. Same lack of understanding. Same lack of caring. I think about jumping out the car all the time, I wonder if they’d even care. But they dont drive fast enough to cause anything major, I don’t think.
I have no one. I’m so tired. Every morning I wake up and think “why the hell bother”
I get in this mood on sundays pretty often. Mainly because of the same bs that happens all the time in the car, and having […]
Went on vacation with a good friend of mine and her family for a week, and now I’m back. I was happier than I’ve been in a long time… I felt like I could escape things if only for awhile. Now we’re back and I have to go back home. I love my family but I dont want to go home. I dont want to go to that house, or walk into my door-less room. I know in the end theres no escape. I have to move on I suppose. I’m fine I guess but I dont think I belong anywhere. I’m just the guest […]
Still alive. Not alive and well, but alive at the very least. I’ve thought about self deletion but I’ve not been able to think of any sorts of methods or anything. Is that cowardly of me? Is it selfish? I don’t know. But I’m still trying to hold on. Everything just feels dark. I can’t shake it off, I haven’t been able to for months. I feel like its growing, even.
But I don’t know how to make it stop, I can’t break this stupid cycle that I’ve found myself in. It makes me feel really stupid and worthless, if I can’t get out […]
I’m just so tired. Life just… isn’t really worth living, is it? I mean, what is there now? Everything’s falling apart… one thing after another. It never stops. The only thing that stops are the good times. Shorter and shorter each time. I can’t understand it, and I feel so hopeless.
But… I try. That’s good, right? That’s what we’re supposed to do. Each day it’s so hard to just wake up. I don’t want to face the day and its perils. It never stops. I just don’t see the point of it. Funny enough I can’t see the point to live or even die, but […]
I’ve been on here a few times before, but I’ve never posted. Was too scared, I guess. I still am, really. What of, I’m not sure. I can state the obvious, like, I’m here because I want to die. But I’m too much of a coward to do anything. I’ve been very close, but that’s not enough, you know? I used to talk to people about it sometimes, but they never took me seriously on it. Now I don’t, because I’ve become too burdensome for that. But I still want friends, I still want to be liked, which is why I simply don’t talk about […]
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