What do you do when you dont want to live anymore but you dont want to hurt your mom and two innocent kids who for some reason look up to you. You cant do it. You cant end it. You have to lay in your bed tossing and turning listening to yourself breathe repeating oh god over and over even though you doubt the existence of a deity, Also I have 2 7 yr old dogs, sounds strange but I dont want to hurt them either, So what do you do? You spend time on SP, you smoke […]
i was just watching In Time with JT and Amanda Seyfried (cute). For those who haven’t seen it, its quite unique. The year is 2150 or so and humans have been engineered to stop aging at 25 years old. The problem is that once you reach 25 a digital second counting clock on your arm starts meaning you only have a year to live. Another problem is you dont actually get that whole year because you have to spend your time on food and such. There are different time zones. In the ghetto most people live day to day […]
Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year.
Many who attempt suicide never seek professional care.
There are twice as many deaths due to suicide than HIV/AIDS.
Between 1952 and 1995, suicide in young adults nearly tripled.
Over half of all suicides occur in adult men, ages 25-65.
In the month prior to their suicide, 75% of elderly persons had visited a physician.
Suicide rates in the United States are highest in the spring.
Over half of all suicides are completed with a firearm.
For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the third leading cause of death.
Suicide rates among the elderly are highest for those who are divorced or widowed.
80% […]
Hi. This will be weird for most i suppose but I dont care. Dont read it if you dont want to. I am about to leave to a friends house and theres a good chance I will smoke weed for the first time in a few months. Weed usually has quite an effect on e especially when it comes to the death department. (It makes me want to live) So I am writing this, my true feelings and tonight when I come back I will re- read it and see which of my “feelings” has changed.
I dont want to […]
Im getting closer now. First I have some more thoughts to sort out including, if I’m going to give up because I know theres no light at the end of the tunnel and I’m in pain then why not get revenge first? Second since I have tried pills and carbon monoxide and failed, since I’m to scared of jumping, shooting, or anything to sudden or violent and since I always stop the blood before its to late than I’m going to try an experiment. I have done a little research. First they say that a person can go weeks without food […]
As I have mentioned many times before here on tsp, In 2002 I reclined the seat in my car in the garage and closed my eyes and waited but before I fell asleep forever I kept seeing images of my 1 yr old niece and 5 year old nephew. Â I got out of the car went up to bed, cried and have been living in pain ever since. Â But its all worth it after days like today, when they show up out of the blue and we spend some hours having fun swimming, playing wiffle ball and just being around these 2 great kids makes […]
It doesn’t matter if your
poor or rich
happy or sad
the truth is we are all just
Wasting Away
No matter what they think
No matter what they do
No one will ever live forever
and why would anyone want to?
After 41 years I’m so saddened by life
imagine living a trillion years without a partner or wife
Thats why I’m content knowing
there’s just a few years to go
I’m wasting away
and it only SEEMS slow
I’m bored so….The first time, I was 14, I was scared to death my dad had a meeting at the school and he was going to find out I was flunking out. Â I went into the cabinet and poured a bunch of Aspirin into my hand and swallowed them. Â I laid in bed and closed my eyes. Â This was my most sincere attempt because at the time thats what I knew, I had heard on TV (lots of times) about overdosing on pills. My teenaged brain didn’t have the defense mechanisms it has today. Â All that happened was I ended up sleeping for 14 hours […]
For the past few months I have read the posts and posted myself on this site. Â Every day is the same for me. Â I think suicidally but then I’ve made it 40 years and have family thats suffering around me and I want to help but the suicidal thoughts persist. Â But than after a few months I get lucky and score myself a 20 bag of weed. Â I smoke a little and suddenly everything changes. Â I feel even deeper sadness for those that I love that are suffering but I feel like I can deal with the loneliness of not ever really having a partner, […]
What do you do when the pain so great that you just want to die but you cant because you know that if you do you will be pretty much killing your mom, dad and a couple of kids who look up to you. Â What do you do? Â I cant find a job. Â If I had money I would smoke some weed and I wouldn’t even think of suicide because when I’m high the reverse happens and I start thinking about survival. Â But I have nothing. Â I watch the damn Illuminati controlled TV all day. Â Even McDonalds wont call me back for an interview. Â I’m […]
I feel like the reason I like the suicide project is because I can write my true feelings. Â Usually I keep them bottled up. Â I know my dad has advanced diabetes and my mom just lost her mom and then her little sister and she feels helpless so I cant really tell them “hey I have serious depression, I lay in the fetal position and cry and wish for it to be over” Â That doesnt help them. Â So I try to keep going and then what happens my sister starts a fight with me over shit that has nothing to do with me. Â So I […]
Back in 1988 I was in high school. Â In my art class there was this girl that sat across from me, literally 7 feet away. Â She was cute, I noticed her, we made eye contact once at least. Â She was new at the school, she had only been there for a couple of weeks I guess. Â I knew her name was Dina Reif. Â During spring break I liked to read the local newspaper. Â I like to look at the headlines, then the sports, the comics and for some reason I always read the obits. Â I was sitting there on the couch and I saw a […]
I drove my dad to the doctor today. Â I was sitting in the parking lot waiting for him while he was at his appointment and for some reason I pulled out my little pocket knife and started thinking about how I read on this site that people cut themselves. Â I had cut a little bit on my wrist before but only when I was alone and never enough to leave any real marks. Â If I recall this was over 5 years ago. Â Anyways I keep this knife pretty sharp and I started in on myself right there in the middle of the Kaiser parking lot […]
There’s nothing to do, There’s nothing to say
Just lay down and go slowly away
All of my dreams, All of my fears
None of it matters, none of its real
Soon this will be over
Soon there will be no more reason to cry
Soon this will be over
Soon there will be a reason to cry
I wasn’t born this way
I never wanted to hate
They turned me into this
Now its too late
Some nights when I am having a hard time falling asleep, I finally get there and I awake suddenly. Â In that split second when I open my eyes in the dark of my room in the middle of the night I feel like I have seen and felt death. Â I feel its nothingness, I see it’s darkness. Â It scares me and I notice my heart is pounding and I remain spooked for several minutes before finally sleeping, like a baby.
Sorry, I’m new here, just trying to figure it out. Â Oh OK got it now. Â (edit). Â I’m gonna stay logged in to this site for the foreseeable future. Â It makes sense for me considering i think about suicide everyday and have attempted it twice in my 40 years. Â I feel like eventually it might be how i go but idk.