I feel like the reason I like the suicide project is because I can write my true feelings. Â Usually I keep them bottled up. Â I know my dad has advanced diabetes and my mom just lost her mom and then her little sister and she feels helpless so I cant really tell them “hey I have serious depression, I lay in the fetal position and cry and wish for it to be over” Â That doesnt help them. Â So I try to keep going and then what happens my sister starts a fight with me over shit that has nothing to do with me. Â So I get pissed and tell her what I think of her and she tells me if thats how I feel then theres no reason to talk to her again or see her family. Â Wow, I thought it was my family too. Â She’s using her 2 wonderful teenage kids to try to hurt me. Â So just when I think hey I’m going to try and stick this out, see where it goes and try my best to support the few people in my life, I get stabbed in the back. Â I may never understand it. Â I still have a bag of charcoal in a drawer in the garage, I know exactly where the bbq. Â I know that if/when I do it my pain immediatley ends. Â I got right back to the non-existent state i was in before my parents conceived me. Â That wasn’t a bad place. Â But I have to stay. Â If now, only for my mom. Â But it hurts. Â Thank you people on this site for sharing your stories, I try to read them all. Â I know I’m not alone in this fight.