sI am a walking disease.
If I’m willing
I will drink a cup of bleach.
If I wasn’t allow to teach
then throw me a rope.
As I teach myself
to hang from a beam.
Was it a dream?
to be a walking anorexia.
A human who can’t feed herself
properly to perfection.
Was not eating an infection
that consumes my everything.
I am a walking disease
who can’t be trusted by a knife?
Is this a way of life?
That I have scars
that should be
put behind bars.
Or could I jump
in front of a car.
Yes I do have a problem
Love this song. It knows me so well. Just hear the lyrics and might understand what its saying O:
Suicide is what i crave
Suicide is always on mine mind
twenty-four seven.
Its something that i need
desire even.
Its all i really want
for my birthday or Christmas.
I dont need anything
except suicide taking me away.
I crave it like a desirable sweet
we cant somehow have.
I cant controll myself,
its like an eating disorder
that i cant conqure.
I cant help myself
i just cant help it
I really do crave it
i can feel it.
Realization had just hit me like a buliding collasping on me. If i die would i be happy? No i wont cause if i die im just more worst then i was before. I will be more than just scum. I wouldnt be happy. I would still be suffering even more than before. I be left with gulit on my grave. I would be suffering from the fact that i left everyone. Even if im dead i still feel like i want to kill myself. What the fuck is wrong with me. Why am im like this. Although i do want to kill myself. That […]
Im just going to come out and say it. I might just leave this site. It help somewhat, but ehh its like… i dont know that i shouldnt be here. I just… might just go. From here and the this world. I might just drown or jump infront of a car. Who knows it might even work. Mmmhm all i want is to die is all. Leave this suffering world to other people to deal it. I might come ever now or then might comment or two; thats probably it. Forget about posting my problems. Forget even posting a poem on here. I guess i […]
Just kill me
drill a hole
through mine head.
Or suffercate me
with a pillow.
Do everything you can
to put me six feet underground.
Watch me bleed
as my heart slows down.
No hospital
can save me now.
No one
can do anything now.
I want to close
my eyes
and sleep.
Cause now…
I’m finally dying.
Thank you kind person
for throwing my troubles
away.
Why can’t i not just end it all?
Why couldnt i just drown?
Im sick of life
im sick of the people who surround it.
This place just makes me sick
i just want to bang my head
on concert so i can bleed.
I dont need cutting
when i have a brick wall
down in my basement.
I really dont want friends
they are in the way.
I dont even want family
i really dont want anything.
I rather be alone
then to be with people
who will end up leaving me.
Who cares about their feelings
they dont know what i am going […]
Im shaking why am i shaking. It maybe cold but its not that cold. Why do i do this. It always happens. The littlest things… i shake. Am i scary? Is there something behind me? Whats going on…
I hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself.
I feel hot tears
falling from my eyes.
I dont even know why i was crying
it just suddenly fall.
I cant controll myself.
I have someone who loves me
but it hurts for some reason
everything is fine no fighting no nothing.
But why am i hurt
I hate my life
I get frighten over the littlest things
i shake
and i feel like breaking down.
No one understands me
no one knows what im going through
they think im fine but obviously im not
im not im not im not
why can’t i swallow […]
I cant do nothing anymore.
I dont deserve what i am.
I need to be punish.
I need to be taught a lesson.
Im nothing but ashame
a scam
a worthless loser
who always hides her feelings.
I cant shout out the world
that i need help.
I cant do anything.
Im such a failure.
Not finishing anything
giving up on alot of things.
Not able to get up
and say i am okay
that i will make it through the day.
No… I cant
I dont have the strength
to carry on.
I dont have the strength
to live on to anything.
What i […]
I feel… Sad
tormented even.
…I dont know anymore
i just.. want to give up
dont even feel like
finishing anything…
I dont even know
if i will finish this
I guess mine life…
is betraying me.
Everyone crowding me
with their pity sympthy.
Stop feeling bad for me
its just… makes me wanna cry.
No more cheerfulness
and no more getting mine hopes up.
I am… just going to let
everything pass me by.
Be alone
like other people are
and hide from the rest
of the world.
Do you ever have a feeling that your just wasting your time. That everything around you is suddenly suffercating you with a pillow. So much caring is like a bad thing is you think about it. So many people crowding you till you have no space life. I’m not afraid although i always face fear every day. I just want to infleck harm against myself. Smash mine head against a wall or a window. Using glass to jagger up mine neck. Gun shot to the chest or head even. Maybe just maybe i could even do what i was going to do… drown myself. Just […]
Sticks and stones
May break mine bones
But words can never hurt me.
Sticks and stones
Are thrown at me
Bruising my head and ribs.
Insults are harsher
Laughter is louder
They said words can never hurt me
They are right…
I’m not hurt at all
I’m torment.
I dont know why. I dont know what had trigger it. But i really want to cry right now. I feel so sad right now i just want to bang mine head on the table repeatly.
Im not slipping on ice
im not slipping on water
It seems more like
im slipping on glass.
The sharp martial
gab deep into
mine fragile skin.
Its points…
are sharpen like
an kitchen knife.
Stab Stab Stab
as it feeds on mine flesh.
As the blood sleep out
like an overflow waterfall.
Im not slipping on ice
im not slipping on water
i guess tonight was the night
that i had finally fall.
Okay something weird is going on with mine clock. in the morings and afternoons its a minute ahead but at nights its a minute behind. Maybe im seeing things. Maybe someone is playing a trick on me. Or im just fuck up in the mind. I dont know whats going on but its driving me insane. I know its just a clock but this one is driving me to the edge. Damn clock. Damn mind. Damn life. Why is it fucking me up. Why is this clock so fucking unquie.
Out mine window…
i see the moon.
As i think…
the moon is the mother
and the stars are her children.
Every fallen star i see…
it makes me cry.
Seeing a child…
fall away from their family.
Seeing how we humans
always make a wish upon it.
I see the moon…
fade upon the sky.
I see how strong it is
even when her children fall.
When they are not there
she shines bright.
As i look upon her…
it makes me smile
to see that she is not alone.
That one day…
i could be one of her children.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here you go […]
As i walk out the door
its dark and cold.
I just sit in the road
and gaze upon mine surroundings.
I hear the music play
as i look up the sky.
The fireflies fluttering
their small wings.
As their lights glow
brighting up the night.
I seem to be at ease and peace
as the night creatures
make their nosies
to the music.
As i hear a car…
driving fast over the speed limit…
the last thing i see
is the first bright star
hanging in the sky.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seems tonight was the night
that i had deicide
to make a random poem…
Here in the bathroom with me are razor blades. Here is iodine to drink. Here are sleeping pills to swallow. You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be. Every time you don’t throw yourself down the stairs, that’s a choice. Every time you don’t crash your car, you reenlist.â€- Chuck Palahniuk
I have enough words to say
im sorry.
I have enough
to say im ready.
There i have nothing
there….
i seem to be losing everything.
I deserve punishment…
burn mine hands
and stab mine chest repeatly.
Im just saying…
im so alone.
Empty…
if thats enough.
Let mine mind
be taking over.
As for now…
let mine soon to be dead body
be decay underground.