Todamnbad

I have had such a f**ked up life my counselor has called off on the last two sessions on the past month. Like, i can’t be that f**ked up. Its funny and depressing at the same time. Like btch, yes i’m a broken person or atleast damaged.

Ready for some fk’ed up news? i get treated better in jail than the real world. Last year thanksgiving was lit, everybody made like a pie and treated other like family. Something, I never really had in this world.

My mother rather […]

I was out drinking at brothers place. Its like a 5 story apartment complex. His idea was to hangout with these low lifes outside and chill while I was buzzing off of like 10 shots of whiskey. They were strangers. Anyways i went over my limit puked and i suppose that set this guy off. He managed to talk my brother to go inside the building get something, and this POS decided to hit me in the face with one of those plastic shovels. Still hurt pretty good. Cops wont do shit, because theyre trash. My brother is also trash because he dont want problems […]

My ex c**t girlfriend hit me with a domestic violence when I just trying to help her find a place so she didn’t have to sleep outside homeless and pregnant. Now I’m F***ED. I have a prior facing a F4. I got pre-trial. I can’t afford a attorney and got a public. Well anyways, what would you do? Fight it and it probably get convicted, or take a s**t plea deal of no prison time but you got a F4 you can’t expunge. Anyways, its 16 months in prison and 5 grand fine as the max. 6 months minimum because […]

Eternal Hell
Is just living
Having to Exist
Wishing you didnt have to be here
Disgusted everybody
Im a monster
That deserves to die
Taking secrets to the grave
Made mistakes i wish i didnt make
Now im defined by my problems
Not strong enough to solve them
Fading away slowly
Time only endures the pain
One final day, It can all fade away
Until the pain ends, the only way i know out
Into the darkness, i will finally Escape

Can i just dive deep into why life is just so damn miserable. I have survived alot of sh**. I beat homelessness. I found housing. Then the car break downs. Then im a worthless a deadbeat father. Im a criminal that cant get things right. I guess I deserve all the hell. I didn’t quit pot when my life depends on it. I’m a true failure. I wanted to hide behind things that only worsen your life. Im more than likely going to disappoint my father in the worse ways, costing him money i cant replace. I can’t be […]

Fading away into the light
Neurons firing
But still breaking
Sometimes quick
Sometimes slow
Sometimes sudden
Sometimes still
One way to birth
Million ways to die
What a beautiful fate
You can have so many demises
By yourself or others
Fate doesn’t discriminate
On what can happen to you

Why does it have to be this way
Lost in time and outer space
Like a dying star
I feel like im fading away
Lost in time and space
I could never find my place
Why does it have to be this way
All this love i given away
Cant take back what i say
All these mistakes
Which will put me in the grave
About the only time ill get laid

Losing all my friends, my family wants to give up on me. I been feeling psychotic all this time. Nobody loves you while you’re here but they will miss you when you’re gone. Atleast pretend they will. The older you get, the worse it is. You know that stupid show “Everyone hates Chris” well my theme title would be “Everyone hates Mike” just for any sympathy, you ever been told since you’re suicidial, “why dont you do it” Also a reminder, just human nature “people will leave you once the convience stops. Like money, good friendship or the best one yet, the guy who is […]

Failure turns into regret
Pain turns into suffering
Its like anguish becomes a melody
Torture becomes a harmony
Hell becomes a symphony
Brainwashing becomes a tune
Conforming becomes obeying
Listening becomes slaving
Your environment becomes your toxicity
Then finally, your mind becomes your own prison
We all live our own nightmares
Life is the cruelest dream

In the near distant future, AI hijacks the minds of people. We become the product, where ads are sold to us because we are the product. Where our time is the resource of the elite’s money. Where we predate people’s time through addictive social media. Through GMO’s and artifical flavors. Where in the natural world, we would die of natural causes. In the reality of the world, this isn’t the case. So many people are dying premature deaths. Suicides rates are up. Half of the U.S. has pre-diabetes. 1 in 4 Americans have some type or mental illness. 1 in 3 children are on foodstamps. […]

A lifetime of suffering
The pain never ends
The pieces of myself I forever lost
Lost in the abyss
Can’t seem to find myself
It was such a miss
Wrong Decisions
Wrong choices
Was this the motive of my inevitable end
I’ll die in a pool of sin
God cursed me
Church couldn’t save me
My parents couldn’t get through to me
My own worse enemy
Couldn’t face myself
I created my own personal hell
At war with my own mind
No feelings towards anything
Just pain and suffering
A broken man
Who’s gonna fall
It’s just a matter of time
Doomed with despair
Life […]

I been trying really hard to change myself. Maybe to always find that one reason to keep going. Even though i havent responded. I read all the comments people give for feedback. I appreciate it all. Especially the goodness and wisdom ya’ll share. Well 2021 turns to be the year I’m facing legal trouble. I been holding a job the last 3 months. So yay me! I always been a job hopper or dont last long. So, being able to stay at a job is an improvement. I just need way better money management skills and live below my means which make me feel […]

I’ll end it when its necessary
Where life comes a complete misery
When the burdens are too much to bear
Where the Agony is worse than physical pain
When i see myself in mirror
I see a lifeless soul
A person who wanted to live
But theres too much to misery to carry

2020 has savagely wrecked my life. Everything is my fault. I’m not good enough nor will I ever be. I was given a horrible fate, and false. I fought a bad childhood just to be victimized by Life. I was always hopeful i could find a breakthrough. I messed everything. My past of actions through 2015 until now 2020 has caught up with me. I deserve to die. Even if people care, i feel like i deserve to die. I can’t live with the regret. The regret is killing me. My failures are killing me. My depression is killing me. The lack of family is […]

I lost all my parent’s help at Age 23, scared shitless because i’m homeless, gonna off myself if i don’t get this job to make my life better. Might have spend some nights in the freezing cold uncomfortable in the car. Haven’t seen mail in 3 months. Skating on thin ice. Need to save like $1500 for a place. First month rent. And deposit, utilities. Pray for me that i can survive. I’m proof the poor don’t necessarily die, but go without. Most shelters are 1) full 2) shut off to the public due to Covid. Oh my birthday was the other day, all i […]

This is my mind’s way of never finding happiness. Robbing precious moments of joy when it should be mine. Always living in a high stressed mood always nervous about the uncertainty in my life. Always wondering what struggle will i face. Anxiety of the next challenge life will give me. Always trying to adapt to survive. Condtioning to the state of this world, to make a living. Always missing my family that has died, wishing i could fix my relationships with my parents. Wish i could fix the things of the past i regret. Regretting make dumb@$$ decisions. But i have learn […]

My mind is always living in survival mode, always living in a crisis. F#ck the meaning of life, i can’t figure out how to live properly. I can’t figure the cold world out on my own. Life is too naturally cruel and unfair. Its too hard to find meaning in the toughest battles. The scars left behind just remind of how difficult life has been. People like just can’t get it right and never can find stability in their life even if they want it badly. I never felt so lost in this world, where my parents were hardly there and then any life/money guru […]

Currently homeless, my pos gf had her pos mom call the cops on me. I got court Oct 6 for domestic. I forgiven her 3 times for getting in trouble. Should of left the first time. Im fighting everyday to live and not having to struggle but i have too. Been wearing the sames clothes for like 4 days now. I have family i can visit but cant stay. I have a job orientation Tuesday to get myself out of this mess. You cant trust anybody. Get tf out of that toxic relationship even if you love them. Theyre gonna f you over and maybe […]