Well I guess the suicidal thoughts stayed away for as long as they’re going to stay away. I suppressed them by laughing the pain away, but screw it. Damn it all. I’m tired of wearing a smiling mask in the sunlight but crying once the darkness settles. Damn the pain, damn the hurt, damn the change… I’m sick of it all. I just want to sleep… Why won’t people let me sleep the darkness away?
tryingtohangon
This is my last post on this site. No, I’m not commiting suicide. I just decided that I have so much I still need to do before I die, I have so many people that rely on me and look up to me, I can’t die now. So I hope that at least a few of you come to the decision that I have, because sometimes, and this is just me, when you are dealing with the lows of depression, coming to a site like this one ain’t gonna help you. It just kinda magnifies the pain. Instead, I shall be drowning my emotions in […]
I am not trying to harm anyone.
When I say some things, it’s not that I’m trying to upset you.
I’m just trying to help- the way that people didn’t help me.
I’m sorry.
If you don’t want me around
Just tell me
I’ll leave
Because I don’t want to harm anyone
I don’t want to hurt anyone
If you don’t like me
If you don’t need me
I can just go
This is almost the end for me anyway
I just wanted to help someone out before they ended up like me
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
If you’re in a bad mood, and don’t want to stay that way, here are some simple tips to get you in a better mood.
1) Listen to some fast-paced music. The lyrics don’t have to mean anything serious, my current cheer-up song is a reggae song about ice cream made in space.
2) Watch something funny on TV or on youtube. If there was a show that you liked as a kid, search it on youtube!! (My favorite is Phineas and Ferb- it’s just so strange)
3) Eat something sweet. Usually something sweet helps your mood,
4) Look up some funny jokes or quotes. […]
If you haven’t noticed, I write a lot of poetry. I’ve written
Happy poems
Sad Poems
Suicidal Poems
Anime- Related Poems
Love Poems
Fighting Poems
Religious Poems
I decided to take all of my recent poetry and turn it into an anthology. Does anyone know of a good publisher? Thank you!!
I don’t want to do so many things anymore…
Don’t wanna live
Don’t wanna die
Don’t wanna wake up
From my tumultuous sleep
I don’t want to keep going anymore
I don’t want to keep fighting
I don’t want to cry
I don’t want to breathe
I don’t want to let people break my heart anymore
I don’t want to live in this nightmare
I don’t want to change
I don’t want to look in the mirror
I don’t want to even look at the sky
I don’t want to move from my place at my computer
Where I type poetry
For you to read
I don’t want to see anything else but words on my screen
I don’t want to hear anything […]
I remember when I was little…
When even though things were tough,
I was… happy
What the heck happened to me?
When did everything change and become so dark?
What caused me to hate myself
And not want to even look at myself in the mirror
When did I start wanting to kill myself?
I just want to be the person I used to be
Who wasn’t afraid to look in the mirror
Who liked who she was because she was unique
And didn’t look at herself as a freak
I don’t feel like a human anymore
I’m almost like a side show freak
It doesn’t even matter what I think
I don’t matter to anyone
Do you hear me?
I’m screaming in pain
Do you hear me?
My heart broke again
Do you hear me?
I can’t take this for much longer
Do you hear me?
I must be a ghost to you
Do you hear me?
Nobody wants to help me anymore- or hear me either
Do you hear me?
I can’t do anything right
Do you hear me?
I must be worthless to others
Do you hear me?
Do you care about me?
Do you hear me?
I”m so tired of it all
Do you hear me?
I’m ready to fall over and die
Do you hear me?
Just… kill me
I guess you don’t hear me…
Yeah, I’m fakin’ it.
I’m smiling and laughing on the outside
But screaming and crying on the inside
I smile gently
but do everything wrong
I’m tired of replaying this sad song
There’s laughter on the outside
But pain on the inside
My pain almost consuming me
I don’t know how much longer I can last
cuz I’m fakin’ it
Don’t know how much more I can stand
I’m just fakin’ it
I don’t know if I can smile anymore
I’m so tired of fakin’ it
Help me with this terrible burden
Sorrowful and painful
I’m cold…
I can’t breathe…
Something is choking me!!
I can’t fake it for much longer
Can’t fake the smile that I have
The laughter that I share
All I will have left […]
Well, I know that a lot of people here are down… and I’m one of them. However, tonight, I just want to create a tiny moment of sunshine with some random quotes.
“Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, ‘where the heck is the ceiling?’”
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
“After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo ingles.” ”
“Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and […]
Are you at a bad place when
You have a special song for whenever you feel suicidal?
When you can’t even read Hamlet because the guy stabs himself in the neck?
When the idea of one more thing going wrong
leaves you shaking and halfway towards a nervous breakdown?
When you don’t really remember what you look like- because you won’t look in a mirror?
When you’re afraid to have quiet- because you don’t want to be left afraid with your own thoughts?
Are you in a bad place when your brain just won’t stop?
When you feel like you’re of more use to others […]
… Is it just me?
Am I just losing my mind or
Is it something else?
Everyone just tells me
“You have a life to live”
“You just need to fulfill your potential”
“You’re not working hard enough”
Even my older brother, in his own strange way, is pushing me.
They’re pushing alright…
Pushing me closer and closer to the edge.
I have one step towards the psych ward and the other towards the cemetary.
I hold on for others, but I’m so tired…
Just give me some time to sleep
Help me
Save me
From my downward spiral
Into a neverending pit
I’m scared to live
Scared to die
Scared to fail
But I can’t seem to succeed…
My smile is warm
But my body is […]
I fight too damn much.
The problem is that I still haven’t found a time when I don’t have to fight…
My life is a battlefield.
I fight to wake up, I fight to get my self out of my house, I fight to get myself to class…
I can barely ever remember a time when I wasn’t fighting…
Sometimes I want to just put my weapon down.
I want to take a break from the battle…
I mean, even a soldier gets a break from time to time.
I smile at people because I don’t want them to worry
Because worry won’t help me
I wake up tired
I go to sleep tired
I live tired
But […]
So… I broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago… he told me that he was in love with me…
At the same time, he was telling another girl the same thing
The other girl tells me that he loves her more than he loves me.
I ask him… and he picks the other girl.
Forget that I ignored my family and friends because I was in love with him, when they told me “He ain’t no kind of good for you”.
I ignored them and kept trying to make it work with this guy.
If I ever see him… he better hope… Geez… player broke my heart
Just took it […]
I feel…
Like I’m losing my mind
Everything is crashing around me
I live in a cloud of exhaustion
I am too tired to care anymore
I am sick of it all
I’m smiling in your face
But all the time I wish you could take my place
People tell me that it’s worth it to fight
But I feel like running
Feel like taking flight
I want to reach out to someone
But who will help a girl like me?
I don’ t really want to be
Anymore
I can sing and I have skills
But I just want someone to kill
Me
I don’t even have the energy to end my own life
So how would I have the energy to endure […]
I used to think that I should just give up and quit. To be honest, that was all of five minutes ago. I was ready to break down and die, leaving everything and everyone I tried to support alone. I mean, I was supporting my family, my boyfriend, myself, just a lot of people. I felt like the only person who even bothered to support me was God. I was ready to give up everything I had worked for and just lay down and die. Instead, I mustered up my courage and called a crisis hotline. I didn’t want them to call an ambulance (I […]
I’m so tired of it all… the foolishness
Wearing a mask
Smiling on the outside
but ready to break inside
How can I hang on any longer?
I’m in so much pain
And I’m shattering
Every day
I reach out
Help me
I need help
Save me