Author

Bri

Hi! I'm Brittany but I prefer Bri. I've been on this site for 5 years now and I should probably check in more. I'm 18 years old and been down this bumpy old path for a while. I love to talk, so feel free to talk to me.

Just a random life update.

by Bri 2/22/2018

written by Bri

I’ve been with my boyfriend about a year and well… Now he’s my fiancé. We got engaged the 1st of this month and get married the 1st of November.

I know “*groan* You’re engaged Bri you should be happy not on this site!!!”

See the thing is I’m 19 and even though I’m below poverty line and considered disabled I don’t qualify for assistance on my insurance so those medicines I have been on for a year now that work really well? Poof! Gone.

Not only that but I realized that I had gotten an addiction of sorts to the one that was a controlled substance. I wasn’t […]

2/22/2018 13 comments

Moving forward

by Bri 5/4/2017

written by Bri

That’s the only way I should be moving. I’m tired of taking one step forward and two steps back. I’ll admit I’m terrified by where my path is currently leading me, though.

Starting on the 17th of this month I’m going to be in a Partial Hospitalization Program. I’ve hidden every problem I’ve had since I was 12 and finally I came clean to the therapists today and she couldn’t believe that I’d been through that much and tried to cope by myself. Apparently, it’s not good for an 18-year-old to go through that much trauma, be suicidal, and be unmedicated with PTSD, manic-depression, and severe […]

5/4/2017 13 comments

It’s been a while.

by Bri 5/3/2017

written by Bri

Wow, I really need to check in more, don’t I?
It’s been a bumpy road since the last time I was on here. So many things going right and going wrong. I know that’s how life works, but sometimes it’s just a little too much. I hope you guys are hanging on tight and doing alright. Talk to me? Tell me about your day? I’d love to hear it.

My days are currently hectic, but I’m holding it together so far. I go out with the girls on Friday, hang around all weekend and try to fill my week with productive things. Right now I feel […]

5/3/2017 2 comments

Happy birthday to me.

by Bri 10/16/2016

written by Bri

I get this same feeling every year, the exact same time. It never fails to find me no matter how okay things have been. This year hasn’t been okay, though…

I’m always so shocked to still exist every year, it kinda freaks me out.

I’m not too pleased with being considered a legal adult.

10/16/2016 5 comments

Tired.

by Bri 8/16/2016

written by Bri

I am honestly just so tired.

I want to quit college, it’s not like I’m doing what I wanted to do anyways, y’know?

I’m just doing what they want… I can’t go to the college of my dreams because I don’t make enough money (and I can’t have a full time job because they refuse to let me stay out of school.) I’m just so fucking tired. I’m not sure I’m going to keep trying anymore… so here’s to saying I tried.

8/16/2016 3 comments

Just updates on life.

by Bri 6/12/2016

written by Bri

It’s been a few weeks, huh?

I guess I should give a little bit of an update. This week is midterms for Summer semester. It’s going by fast. I’m kind of stressed because I just did homework all night and today I have a family reunion (in exactly 4 hours now.) I haven’t slept. There’s also the fact that my family is completely opposite of me. They are… to put simply, conservatives. Their views aren’t very open. Luckily my best friend is allowed to come with me or I don’t think I’d survive.

Anyways, I gotta finish cleaning. But how are you guys? I hope you’re holding on. […]

6/12/2016 1 comment

To do or not to do? That is the question.

by Bri 5/18/2016

written by Bri

So… I’ve been made an offer.

My aunt and uncle who live in Illinois called tonight and mom was telling them about college and stuff down here (I’m in Georgia.) My aunt, who is in college to be a nurse, told us about the college up there… and honestly, it sounds so much better than the one I am currently in.

Well, they offered to let me live with them and even offered to help me with getting grants and paying for things and all of that as long as I stay in college. Wow, is honestly all I can think. I was talking to my mom […]

5/18/2016 4 comments

Last few weeks of the semester = Disaster

by Bri 4/27/2016

written by Bri

I’ll be quite honest here. I’m barely holding myself together. My family has such high hopes for me, but I just can’t handle this. As soon as I graduated I was thrown into college, being told “I know you, if you take a break you won’t go back.” Maybe that’s true, but maybe when I imagined college I had dreamed of doing something that involved something I love, like art or music. I never imagined I’d be sitting in a class room with these people who are always over dressed and at least twice my age. I never once thought I’d be a business major. […]

4/27/2016 5 comments

I’ve been through the storm, but where is my rainbow?

by Bri 4/19/2016

written by Bri

The past few weeks have been Hell, to say the least.

Since my ex boyfriend broke up with me he has been keeping me around, telling me he loves me even though he’s with this other girl. I refused to tell him I loved him, I still love him. Fuck I still love him. He tells her everything he ever told me… I find it kinda funny within a few days he was already with her too. Probably cheated on me. She’s so much prettier than I am too, probably gave him more than I could have. Yet he insists on saying he still loves me. […]

4/19/2016 6 comments

Glorification Vs. Trying to be positive

by Bri 3/18/2016

written by Bri

****Starting this off with a trigger warning because I don’t want to make someone upset or make them hurt unnecessarily. So read with caution (Mentions of self harm) ****This is a rant****

On Facebook, a few people on my friends list are sharing this picture. It has a recovering self harmer’s arm covered in scars saying something about them being ‘tiger stripes’ and not making you gross.

I suppose from an angle this could be glorification, however there is also a nasty little note tacked to the picture. Calling whoever does this a “sicko” and saying they “need help.”

All I have to say is… Well, duh? Let […]

3/18/2016 1 comment

Being brutally honest.

by Bri 3/9/2016

written by Bri

So, one thing that pissed off my (ex boy) friend that I still have feelings for… I’m never honest. Of course for some reason he always knows exactly how I feel. He knew that I was crying, he knew I was panicking, he knew when I was lying. That made getting away with saying “I’m okay” and “it’s okay” religiously when I was at my worst a nightmare. I’m not used to being honest with people in my life. I post my darker thoughts here and allow everyone in person to believe that I’m just great. Happy go lucky Brittany so confident and full of life…

I […]

3/9/2016 2 comments

Live and learn, right?

by Bri 3/8/2016

written by Bri

I’m really bad at taking emotional pain, not that people think about that when they give me a reason to be emotionally hurt. It’s really funny honestly, how all of it plays out. I had let a friend of mine close, like really close… We have only really been together a couple weeks, but I’ve had the crush on him and he on me for the LONGEST time… So, ask me, what did I receive somewhere between Psychology 1101 and Accounting 1100 tonight? The “I think we rushed it, we should just be friends” message!

It shouldn’t hurt this bad, but fuck y’know? He promised me, […]

3/8/2016 3 comments

Downhill

by Bri 2/29/2016

written by Bri

At least that’s how it feels everything is going.

Everyone here would love to disagree with me. “But Brittany, you’re such a brilliant girl!” “But Brittany, you’re such a social butterfly! Everyone loves you!”

It doesn’t feel like it…

I can’t find the will to get out of bed anymore, I think it’s getting bad again, but I don’t know how to tell anyone… Because there’s always something they see that somehow proves that I’m completely fine- in their opinion. I’m constantly numb. I’ve thought of things I haven’t thought of in a while and it scares me. I don’t want to go back to being desperate to […]

2/29/2016 5 comments

Life Isn’t a Fairy-tale

by Bri 1/25/2016

written by Bri

My escape has always been, and always will be, reading. I’d spend days reading book after book in series before moving onto the next series that caught my interest. Harry Potter, 13 to Life, Shiver, Hush Hush, Fallen, etc. I’d lose myself into the fantasy, just for a little while, and it would ease my pain. It’d make me forget I was sad, if only for a little while.

Now that I’m in college, I don’t have much time for escaping. Not with the work loaded down on me. 5 hours of homework from Accounting 1100 (per day,) at least 4 hours for English, Psychology, and […]

1/25/2016 0 comment

A list of things I’m overthinking…

by Bri 12/19/2015

written by Bri

It’s literally 5am and here I lie in bed… Just overthinking. Not even music is helping clear it all away. Maybe if I write it down it’ll go away.

What am I even doing anymore? Seriously, what am I doing? I’m seventeen, I start college in the spring, I have to do the dishes before everyone wakes up… Sure that’s some things, but what do I need to do to make my life fulfilling? Is it just an endless cycle or is it really going to change some?
Why do people fall in love? I think I’ve ranted about this before on here, but seriously, why do […]

12/19/2015 8 comments

I’m really terrified of myself.

by Bri 10/27/2015

written by Bri

My mind isn’t always the happiest of places, even when I try to stay positive. I literally spend my days skipping around, humming happy songs, telling people “everything is great!” telling people to stay strong.

By the time everyone is in bed though, I feel rather hypocritical.

My mind barely lets me rest, it reminds me of everything happening; everything that has happened in the past. Even with all the time that has passed, things still get to me. They’re like little demons just trying to tear me apart from the inside out.

I think of what my cousin did, and have to get up and take an […]

10/27/2015 5 comments

So…

by Bri 9/2/2015

written by Bri

I’m testing tomorrow to graduate, sure it’s with a GED, but it’s more than I’ve ever expected to do in life.

Like I’ve said before, I never imagined living past a certain age… But to be turning 17 next month, and to be graduating this month… It feels so unreal. I’ve already been asked so many times what I plan to major in, but honestly I’m not sure what I want to do with a life I didn’t even want to keep. I want to make a difference, I really do, but I’m just one person y’know? and I don’t know exactly how I’m going to […]

9/2/2015 3 comments

It never lasts.

by Bri 8/30/2015

written by Bri

I just returned home from a friend’s house. I had an amazing weekend, it was the first one in a while…

So, I’ll get to the point of why I’m here, because honestly if I had just only had a great weekend no offense but I wouldn’t be here- not on this site.

I walk through the door, after just having locked my car and everything and coming inside, and my sister in law is already talking about me to my brother. She seen me come inside, she knew I was there.

“She snapped at Brook” my brother asked how she knew if I did because I just […]

8/30/2015 7 comments

It’s 3:13 AM (or at least it was when I started writing)

by Bri 8/9/2015

written by Bri

It’s funny how things work, I suppose. I always seem to end up right where I started; in the dark. I’ve been trying to sleep for the past few hours but nothing is working, I’m disgustingly wide awake.

I’m just going to write how I’ve been feeling lately in this post, you don’t need to read it, not at all I just need an outlet.

My older brother and his wife had moved out, right? well, they’re back. I should’ve expected it, I really should have. On top of that the man who made me first start to hate myself, my grandfather, lives here now too. That’s […]

8/9/2015 2 comments

I swear…

by Bri 1/18/2015

written by Bri

I thought I was going to bed, but I can’t…

So, I thought… I may rant a bit… you guys can just ignore this if ya want.

But, I don’t know what the kids at the fucking elementary school are teaching my niece and nephew to say, but if I hear the word “puta” one more fucking time I’m going to knock someones teeth down their god damned throat.

It brings up… really… bad… memories for me.

My cousins are fluent in Spanish, and well, the one who raped me… Called me “puta” when I cried about it…

and all I can hear when people say it is their voice, […]

1/18/2015 2 comments

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