This is it. I feel it. Now is the time.
Good luck to you all. Much empathy. I love you all.
Goodbye.
Sometimes I read posts, and I cant help but feel offended and down on myself. You know? I cant help but think that there are some ideas and opinions that just shouldnt be shared on a suicide website because of how it could effect others. If someone could read your post and feel worse about themselves because of the title or the content, that’s on the line of breaking the hate rule. God forbid someone reads something like that and then goes off to kill themselves. Please be considerate of the feelings of others before you post.
I’m curious about the average suicidality of people who post here. So, I thought I’d conduct an experiment and ask.
On a scale of 1-10, How close do you think you are to killing yourself right now? (1 being not close, 10 being very close)
EDIT: To more accurately measure degrees of suicidality, I’ll be taking fluctuation into account as well, because people feel more suicidal on some days than others. So, if your number today is different than it wouldve been yesterday or earlier in the week, that’s okay. Please feel free to share those numbers as well. So, to recap, Please share your number as […]
I didnt have a father figure growing up. I had a Dad, but he wasnt a father. He was more interested in womanizing and food. My mother was a lot like the people here; very sad all the time, hurt herself a lot, wanted to die.
I’m my own responsibility, and I understand that. At the same time, I wonder how this effected the way I turned out?
I get so anxious thinking about things sometimes that I convince myself it’s better to avoid it, even if it’s not actually that bad. Do any of you do this too?
To give an example, I’m in school for Power Engineering, and we’ve been calculating Current, Voltage, resistance, and Power throughout series circuits, parallel circuits, and combination circuits. When I first started, all of the math involved and all of the rules you had to follow in relation to electromotive force overwhelmed me! I thought for sure I was gonna fail the class. and so, when I was at home, I spent my time on Netflix, […]
Not long ago, my Ex attempted to hang himself, and even though we arent together anymore, it really upset me.
He survived it, and when I called up to the hospital to check up on him and offer support, he just flat-out hung up on me without saying a word.
We used to be so close. Super close.
When we were still together, we were going to get married. But something got a hold of him. He stopped acting like himself, and he shut everyone out. I know it’s depression, and I know a lot of it isnt his fault. but still. Over time, things got […]
I’ve been sleeping a lot lately. Last night, I accidentally slept through school, as in I missed my alarm completely. I just woke up, and its 5:25pm (17:25). Havent had a lot of motivation lately.
I dont know what I’m trying to Express. Guess I’m just ranting.
I think about suicide a lot. But that isnt the same as being suicidal. We tend to use suicidal thoughts as a qualifier for being suicidal. but that’s not what that is.
I experienced being truly suicidal only once in my life, in 2012. I was 20. It was very quick. I had been severely depressed for months, on drugs, working a job I hated. One day, I walked into the woods, sat under a tree, got high, and I thought, “I’m going to kill myself in 3 days.” 3 days never went by though, because that very same day, I took an entire bottle of […]
Dick’s Sporting goods is a five minute walk from my apartment. I’ve been saving up for a gun or two from there. I’m so damn frustrated with people I can even describe it! But, I’m even more frustrated with myself.
I’ve been thinking over things, and the more I think about it, it makes more sense to just off myself instead. You are all right; the world already has too much pain and suffering in it. I wish I could show them. If the whole world could see the soul behind my eyes, everyone would flinch in terror. Maybe it’s that I dont have a soul […]
I’m going to avenge you all.
I am one of those people who fantasize about going into my college lecture room with a few MAC-10’s and slaying them all with a haze of bullets. I’m aware of what’s inside me. There’s this black pit inside where I’m able to stuff my empathy, and it makes me able to do things that other’s cant.
The first time I acted upon it, I felt so powerful! It was like no one could possibly do anything to me, invincibility! and yet, when that faded away, I felt so horrible and disgusted with myself over what I had done, and the person I had hurt, that […]
Double posting. Sorry.
It’s apparent to me that the way I view the world is drastically different from others, so much so that the way I interact with others hurts them. There’s no malicious intent behind my words, and yet, some say it’s “emotionally manipulative”, or “oversharing”. Something about empathetic pain. These are concepts and words that I cant seem to put any meaning to. I must’ve missed something about social skills somewhere along the line. So many people are upset and put-off by my interactions with them, and I dont at all understand why. Anyway, this hurts because (A) I HATE the idea that I’m […]
Which perception do they shoulder?
“Pus sy”, or unknowing soldier?
Weakness, or internal sickness?
They’re indifferent to the difference.
Still, They’re still expecting stillness,
my distilled and filtered feelings,
for me to be as they are themselves, and
anticipating this unrelenting unrelating,
I hide myself away.
The urge for abortion is a plague, because I have this suprise unwanted pregnancy–
A malicious, mind-screwing sperm which has burrowed into the cerebral egg of my neurotransmitters by means of psychological rape–what really is this weight I carry?
This thing that grows inside of me?
This parasitic infancy?
The mucous walls of this mental placenta;
the membranes of this umbilical prison
is the shield that keeps me […]
A lot of times when I post, I’m talking about my own problems. At the same time, part of the reason I’m here is because I care about what happens to the rest of you too. Sometimes it feels like I just have too much empathy for people in excruciating emotional and mental pain. It hurts to see you all hurting so bad. I want to help each and every one of you, but I know it’s not possible.
If you’re reading this, just know that someone out there in the world cares about what happens to you. I’ve been known to be crass, harsh, and […]
I think I’m addicted to Adderall but I’m not sure. What’s the difference between recreational use and an addiction? I started using because it helped with depression and motivation issues related to depression. I dont know now.
Today, I told a friend of mine that I’ve been feeling depressed. I told her about how I didnt like my job, how I wish I wouldve gone to school for music instead, how I was concerned about my Adderall use, how I’m 27 and still single. Her response was ” You forget the world is so big. The walls you see are man’s creation. You need to see past the illusion of the society we live in.”
Illusions indeed. I got so caught up in what I thought everyone else might have been judging me about that I hadn’t stopped to think that not many […]
I used to come on here and get at people for not doing enough to help themselves through Depression. Now, I’m feeling it myself pretty badly, and I take back everything I said.
When this thing gets ahold of you, it’s so hard to mentally function. It’s Hell. The deep sense of hopelessness in itself is enough to make you think you’d be better off dead. SO much internal pain…
To those I gave a hard time to, I’m sorry.
Happy New Year
Suicide is always an option for me. Here’s what I mean.
Let’s say I lose my Car Keys. When I go through my head to assess my options, my options will look like:
1. Trace your steps
2. Replace the keys
3. Kill yourself.
It’s always there for some reason, in my list of options when I’m trying to solve problems. Isnt that ridiculous!? Even when I’m not depressed it’s like that.suicide
I would say I’m only mildly depressed right now, and that I’ve been working hard to make progress. I have made progress, lots of it. But it’s still there, like this annoying little whisper. I keep having to remind myself that […]
She’s a drop of water
that doesnt believe in oceans or riversides;
A chameleon wearing a mask to distract
from the self she’s suppressing inside,
So eclipsed, so insistent on hiding the sun behind the shadows
It’s dark because the fire’s died-out.
She’s imprisoned in an invisible cell
forgot that she has the key
been there so damn long it seems normal to her
Doesn’t know how to set herself free
Why not move? Why not take some steps beyond those frightening doors?
It’s dark because the fire’s died-out,
But this light can be rekindled.
Hey.
I’m the voice in your head as you read this. That’s how reading works. Everyone does it. Is it a female voice, a male voice? Maybe it’s a voice that’s altogether different! Perhaps you’ve even given me an accent or a lisp to make me sound funny. Whatever the case may be, your mind created it. What else do you think your mind’s been creating lately? Is it really your mind, or is it you?
Anyway, if you decide to have a Snack today then enjoy it! It’s the small things that make you smile.
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