my tongue twists
my words, I stutter
people around me are so well put together
then there’s me a star that is slowly collapsing upon itslef
a book that never left the shelf
my knees shake
my feet set firmly upon the ground
things around me has more worth, more love from others
then there’s me a car with no running motor
a heart once beating grows tired everyday
my eyes glued shut
my cheeks burning up a blush
my tears telling me to hush
I need someone with to talk about our problems. I’m a chronic Suicidal now. I’m 20 years old and I’m a girl. My first attempt to suicide was when I was 13 years old. I’m on psychiatric treatment since I was 15 years old. I was bullied, raped, humiliated and I didn’t want to live anymore. I’ve been trough hard situations and all I’ve always tried to do is kill myself, but my family know about my problems and someone is always looking at me so I couldn’t do anything else than being in coma for an overdose of pills. Please comment below if you […]
I have the same feeling sometimes, I feel a little cheered up, I have a laugh but I remind myself that this is temporary, the way I really feel, miserable, depressed, crushed, bogged down, stuck, jealous will return shortly.
My thoughts of suicide use to be just thoughts but lately this has also changed for me, I’m coming to realize that my life isn’t going to change, no one is going to come save, I either I have to begin to enjoy this miserable life or end it.
I know I won’t be able to enjoy this life, its literally to hard. I’m so far behind […]
I do not think I am capable of being loved. I fear that I am never going to be able to find someone who will love me the way I fail to love myself. It has always been my only hope. What if it’s the only way all of this will ever get better? To find the right person who will always be there for me. The thing is I’ve been lied to so many times that I don’t think I can trust anyone anymore. People talk to me when they need something then they just disappear. If I refuse to do what they ask […]
https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/bulldog-eyes-asleep-02-gross.mp3
Song: Gross by Bulldog Eyes (asleep, track no. 2)
“You’re so fucking gross // you know the blow lands low”
this band is very nice and deserves a lot more recognition for their lo-if music. really kind of helps when I’m feeling low
do you ever feel so useless and depressed that you no longer feel?
after feeling angry and sad for so long i’m starting to only feel numbness. i’m starting to accept the fact that I am useless and will never be skinny or pretty or talented.
i’m too lazy and too far gone to try to “improve” myself and work on trying to get my life back together. when I try to think about feeling “normal” again I immediately realize that that is impossible and absurd. I will never and can never be happy again.
Im such a burden to all who are around me and I’ve been […]
Okay. So I don’t really know how this works. What if someone I know finds this, what then? How am I going to explain all this. When people I know see my cuts they judge and say I do it for attention so what will they think if they ever found this? I just need my space, I want to be able to express my thoughts without being scared but I guess fear is always going to be there.
I’m off tomorrow, away for a bit. Doing something I’ve never done before – wild camping, far out. I’ve spent most of my life indoors, not being allowed to have my own independence, so my experiences are limited. I’m looking forward to it, but at the same time, I’m not.
I’ve been really slacking, not having the motivation to do much in general (which includes writing this post, took quite a bit of energy to) and get packing and sort out my room before I leave, so I’ve left it to the last minute. This is really stressful.
The long hikes I’ll be taking might drain me […]
“We do not chose to be born but we do have some kind of decision in the way we die”
It’s funny how life works at times. For as long as I can remember it’s been this way. I just don’t know if it is ever going to end. Its really hard, living like everything is fine. I tend to focus on other people’s problems then my own. To be able to survive this I tell myself that maybe there is a reason I’m like this but I’m tired of lying to myself, I’m tired of believing something that isn’t true and nothing but a sham.
I’m […]
Do you ever look at someone else and wish so badly that you could be them? In fact I’d rather be anyone else other than me.
“Me” is ugly, gross, flawed, useless, unworthy of life and love, unathletic, selfish, jealous, and just an utterly disappointing piece of shit. Funny how I can list tons of negative adjectives about myself but can’t think of a single positive one. Guess it just goes to show that I really am a worthless loser.
When I see my peers, family, and other people on the street I strangely feel like they’re “showing off” even if they aren’t talking about […]
I wish that I could be reborn in a new body. Cosmetically speaking, I have got to be one of the biggest freaks ever to exist. My body is a lemon. I have hideous body acne almost everywhere – including sometimes on my forearms. I’ve lost some hair. I have hideous teeth (possibly malocclusion). I am 28 years old but look like a puny 14-year-old. I’m also only 5’3.”
Before I continue, I must state that I know that these problems, individually, are not necessarily freakish (aside from forearm acne).
Yes, some people have bad body acne, and I’ve even found some rare examples online of people […]
After getting accepted to the Uni’ (a really good world known one), I have finished my first semester with an average grades of 75.
75 means – No jobs as a student, hard time finding job once I’m out, and other shitty stuff.
But what is worst is the fact that I went back home. I went back to the nothing I have. To the environment where I have to work a lot while my…. UsedToBe Friends, got their parents as financial backup.
I feel just the way I felt as a 4th grader – Isolated, powerless, incompetent.
My spirit as a fighter died, I […]
So, since my grandfather passed in 2010 I haven’t been much of a person. Like my name suggest, I feel like I’m just another body. More like a nobody. I have an amazing wife and three amazing children. I’m truly proud to be their father, but I know they could have better than me. My wife is the most awesome person on the planet. Through every ailment I have had to suffer, and am currently suffering, she is right there to make sure it’s easier on me as I go through it. She is always making sure I eat, even when I have no appetite. […]
do you think they would say things if they knew?
do you think they would sit here and tell me that everything gets better with time? Or that time heals all wounds if they could feel this?
if they had to feel this knife taking pieces of my heart… would they still look at me and tell me I’ll get over it?
if they could feel the tears that pour down my face would they still tell me everything will be okay?
2 years and it’s like nothing has changed.
2 years and I think about you with every gust of wind.
2 years and I feel your hand in mine […]
What frustrates me so much is that this sickness taps on my windows on cold, stormy days, begging me not to sleep. It sits on my lap taunting me to caress its soft but stinging, midnight fur. In busy crowds, it whispers my name as i walk, telling me sugar-coated stories of how it made at least 5 souls drain out all the sadness inside of them in thick red in the last 4 hours it left me so i could finally close my eyes and sleep. But on days where i sleep longer and wake up waiting for its thick cloud to suffocate me, i […]
I’m afraid of writing this post because they might be watching this web-site. I talk and they pretend not to listen, but they’re watching me closely.
I discovered this weeks upon accidently stumbling upon Narcissist parents. They resemble this parenting style the most. When I learned about narcissism. It all everything clicked. Why I’m so unhappy. Why my self-esteem is so low to almost non-existing. Why my parents confused me, and yet I never wanted to blame them for fear that I’ll upset them like feel their wrath if you challenge let alone question it their ego.
Here, I thought that my mom was overprotected and my […]
I tell myself, one more step, every day. When I wake up, I think, just one more day. I try to keep my mind on one day, one moment, at a time. Because when I begin to let my mind drift, I start to slowly drift away. Sliding into an uncontrollable downward spiral. I cannot keep living my life through the small window I have allowed myself. I feel as if I am completely alone. My boyfriend, is gone. Our relationship fell apart after I lost our baby due to a miscarriage. My rape case against my father has been dismissed. So, he is on […]
I am so lonely that I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. Been like this for 6 months and it’s getting worse now that I’m at my parents’ house. I miss my ex even though our relationship lasted like 2-3 months. Sometimes I wonder if I miss him or I miss the feeling of being in a relationship.
Hi to whoever is reading this, maybe another tortured soul stuck in bed? Maybe we can be friends. Spent all day yesterday typing a solid goodbye letter. But I just don’t have the guts. I really want them though, those courageous, wonderful guts. 6 years of nonstop pain, dealing with a crazy, probably narcissistic mother who throws fits like a toddler, zero support, PTSD from being sexually assaulted, 27th birthday coming up, poor, blah blah blah. If anyone thinks they have the answer to this Q feel free to share: why/how do you keep living when you have nothing to live for? If I had […]
… But I’m scared of failure.
Will I be paralysed?
Brain damaged?
Fail and I’ll be watched and not able to reattempt.
………………..
Vent.
I have mental health, undiagnosed… But imo it is severe.
Vent.
I’m almost 26. Literally everybody I’ve met this year thought I was 12.
When I was 15…. Everybody thought I was 10-12.
You get the picture.
I’m paedo bait.
Not everyday you get to legally “bang” a “12” year old.
Lost count of the times middle aged men have tried to prostitute me and continue on to tell me they thought i was 12-14.
Walking home today with my mum and her partner and […]