i was twelve.
he reached between my legs and touched what was not his.
the guilt, the shame, the sadness… they practically ate me alive.
i was fourteen.
he pulled off my shirt and kissed me where i did not want to be kissed. i wanted those bruises gone. their weeklong stay was too long.
i was told that a boy will touch you like that when he likes you.
i tell myself a boy will touch my heart if he likes it so truly.
the old cat.
the younger cat.
the puppy.
the solar eclipse.
the falling leaves.
her sister.
the baby.
the jokes.
her brothers.
the movies.
her best friend.
her love.
the group chat.
the dancing bird video.
the cute cat video.
halloween.
the chicken farm.
art.
pumpkin seeds.
summer.
the funny dreams.
music.
” In music the passions enjoy themselves. ” – Friedrich Nietzsche
Nikos Skalkottas (1904-1949) was one of the greatest composers of the 2oth century classical music – I personally place him next to Kurt Weill and Igor Stravinsky. It’s a shame that nowadays most people (especially here in Greece) don’t know his work. Here’s the wikipedia page about him:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikos_Skalkottas
I should write what are the names of the compositions and the songs in this video and where the photos in it are taken.
36 Greek Dances
00:00 – 01:23 Epirotikos – photos from the region of Epirus in Greece.
01:24 – 03:22 Kleftikos – photos of various Greek mountains.
03:22 – 05:16 Tsamikos (An Eagle) – photos […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uok_CWwIWAo
This poem is based on the ancient Greek epic poem Odyssey, which is attributed to the legendary author Homer. Quick summary of the Odyssey: there was a war between the ancient Greeks and the Trojans (Troy was – and still is – located at nowadays North-western Turkey), the Greeks laid siege on the city of Troy for 10 years and they destroyed it (there’s another ancient epic poem, Aeneid by the Roman author Virgil, that picks up the story after the destruction of Troy, but let’s stick to Homer’s Odyssey for now). After that, one of the Greek kings named Odysseus (in Latin: Ulysses) set out for Ithaka, his […]
I hope this song helps
The title makes the theme pretty clear: I have buttloads of Social Anxiety, and it is a living Hell dealing with, ignoring, or confronting it on a daily, and sometimes, hourly basis. I have battled against it my whole memorable life, and I’ve had it up to here- *raises hand to tippy top of head* -with all the bullshit.
I had an amazing day today/yesterday, but all I can think about, all the thoughts I can conjure and obsess over are, “what if I fucked it up? What if the people I talked to and had coffee with in that wonderful, cozy cafe think I am […]
Muerte (Death)
To die to sleep… to sleep… perchance to dream.
(Hamlet, act iii, scene iv)
You are the dream of a God; when you awake
will you return to the womb where you were born?
Will you then be what you were before?
Will your death be a new birth?
–
Is this dream absent during wakefulness?
Luckily here the mystery assists us;
as a remedy of our sad life
our fate remains an inviolable secret.
–
Let your future remain hidden under the fog
and walk calmly […]
If you’ve ever seen any of my previous posts on my chronic mental and emotional afflictions, then you must know this: that I am in pain; and, for most people- if not all- pain is something people hate. They most often turn to addiction or something essentially the same to hide or suppress their issue, whatever it may be.
I myself have had addiction issues before, and still struggle with an addiction to Pornography. That, and my depression and all around loneliness will be the topics I so boringly lay out before you all in this post today.
Since a very young age, I have been obsessed […]
So a lot has been going on in my life lately. I’ve dont what I always do to pick myself back up again but it hasent been working. I try sleeping away the pain. I try singing away the pain. I try painting away the pain. I try talking away the pain. Why now when I feel like I need to be happy more than ever can I not find any of it?! It sucks ighjjj
It’s taking a lot for me to write this. I’ve had so conjure up the will or energy to even post here again. I feel so hopeless right now. I just want to die already!
God it’s so hard. To think about the shit storm of pain I’ll leave behind. I hate myself for feeling like this. I think people would be sad for a while but at least they’d be able to move on finally and live their lives without having to worry about me or pay for my therapy or my school or anything . My mom could start to fix her marriage […]
This month will be the four year anniversary of my father’s suicide. He shot himself in the head in his bedroom and I was the person to find his body. It took me awhile to tell anyone I didn’t know how to call my mom (she left to take my brother away for college that night) and tell her my older sister or my younger brother. It’s inexplicable to say the least. I just don’t know how to handle this time of year. And I hate the holidays so it kind of just rolls into it, my dad birthday is also in September. Any other […]
If you are considering self-harm or are currently self-harming, please read my story.
Let me be an example, a warning to you all.
When I first started, it was a tiny little cut on my thigh, made merely to see how it’d feel—and I can’t lie, it was exhilarating to me. I was thirteen at the time and was enduring copious amounts of abuse from my parents, both physical and verbal, which had been occurring since childhood. It was a strain to my psyche and after that first cut, for once in my life, I felt like I was able to deal with all the pain that […]
In high school, I’d cut everyday. It started when I was 14. I had no where to go, no one to talk to. I’d do it in the school bathrooms before school, just go all out. I’d wait for the bleeding to stop, put some folded up toilet paper over my entire forearm, use hair ties to keep it from moving, pull down my sleeve and go through my day. It’s all I could think about, and when I got home, I’d do it again. This went on for several years. Then, I met someone. Someone who got me to start eating again and stop […]
I’m so tired. Tired of feeling like a burden. Tired of thinking “I bet my parents wish they never had me. I’m the embarrassment of my whole family.” Exhausted from acting like I’m staying strong so my fiancé won’t worry as much. We all die in the end, so what is the point anyway? “to have fun, to love and be loved, to experience the world in and of itself and behold it’s beauty and nature” blah blah blah, it’s bullshit. We live to work in order to keep living which is mostly spent working and sleeping. From the beginning, my life has been shit. […]
i’ve been suicidal since i was 14, maybe 13, but my memory before my first attempt is blurry. i’m almost eighteen now.
i didn’t intend on making it this far, at all. i didn’t intend on living this long – ever getting a job – making it to my senior year of HS.
but, if you’re like me. it’s probably important to remember something my friend said to me.
“you shouldn’t deem yourself a failure whenever you fall down again, you’re still going, you’re still strong. Your illnesses aren’t you. You’re you; and that’s what matters.”
just a little more, okay?
Intro
So like, I was wondering about posting as much 1-3 posts, and then maybe taking a big break for a while… I might come around to comment and stuff, but yeah. :p
With that said though, here is my first one with general ideas on things that might help you feel at ease a bit more. 🙂
Music
(Solfeggio (Hz), Lofi, Classical, Hipster/Indie, etc.)
Sometimes I like to listen to really relaxing music, from anything like the solfeggio (hz) stuff which I heard 432 hz is really helpful, to lofi, to even… one 1 hour indie music track even on youtube. XD I think I got it from Life […]
Celeste
(Length: 5m 20s)
So, in part thanks to Agnostic Angel, though I’ve gotten into it before hand and like it a lot myself already, I decided to post this video here on a coping technique the game talked about that might help. 🙂
Basically, if you’re ever having a panic attack, just close your eyes and take deep breaths… imagine a feather floating in the air… your inhales and exhales make it rise and fall, symbolizing your steady breathing.
I hope that helps. 🙂
It’s a really cute and fun looking game, but I think it might be one of those games you have to buy on Steam… I […]
Sometimes I just feel down and sometimes I feel as if im being held down by something so big I cant breathe It casts a shadow over me I cant quite tell how big but its big enough to cover my mind its so dark I struggle to smile people think they know but there just as lost as me they offer advice but it passes by my head like a breeze not a small breeze its like the breathe of the shadow it inhales and I feel blank then it exhales and still nothing happens im at a stand still but I don’t know […]
dear anonymousie
there you go
ruining everything again
without even trying to
how pathetic are you?
you want to die,
and it’s so rightfully justified
because you’re mediocre at best
no matter how hard you try
you could eat healthier
exercise more
erase your past
you could do everything he wants
but who says that will make love last?
you’ve made mistakes
many terrible
some preventable
most were accidental
you can try blaming it on
being a millennial
but not all of us
are fuck ups like you
“consistency is key”
the only thing you’re consistent at
is ruining everything for me
you’re the one that won’t let you be happy
you know […]
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