Since I was 13 I knew that one day I would commit suicide. Ive always been able to go one more day and one more day turned into 7 years. And now things are getting so hard that I dont think I can go one more day. I feel like I cannot keep trying. I keep failing, the depression is taking control of me and I just have no reason to be happy anymore. Is life even worth it anymore.
Category:
Coping Skills
Is buy a gun. As an insurance policy. I hate being alive. There are times where I forget that fact. Where I’m capable of distracting myself from the obvious reality of my irrelevance and idiocy. But then it hits me like a mountain falling on me. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t have to use the gun. I can hold off. But having it in my back pocket the ability to leave when ever. It’s illogical to think that i’ll ever have anything other than mediocrity as the best I’m capable of. I’ll always have a million anxiety triggers and depression triggers. I’ll always fuck […]
Any tips on how to make myself throw up after a meal?
i am not going to start cutting again.
i am going to tell myself this until i do start cutting, until i just can’t help it anymore, until it’s time to tell myself again that that was the last one, honest.
this is how i deal with things: deny. deny. deny.
keep walking. it doesn’t matter how. it doesn’t matter for how long. it doesn’t matter why, or how long it takes to fall again. it doesn’t even matter if walking is possible, if i should be doing it.
i fall, and i get up.
there is nothing else. there are no apologies. there are no bandages, no balms, no […]
It’s been about a year or so since I was here but something tells me it’s time to come back for a bit. I want to be here to be a lifeline for somebody. I used to receive emails from around the world and hear amazing stories. I had to step away for a while to catch my own breath but I like to hear from you guys.
I don’t consider myself suicidal at the moment although I have cut before and sometimes think about the silence of death as peaceful. I probably stand out a little in that I see death I’d say at least […]
Hey guys, it’s Nico again.
Heheh it’s nice to see people being nice to me here, most people I’ve met on the internet are jerks haha. Oh, and thanks to the people who said happy birthday hehe~ As you all said I’ll try to keep my upbeatness.
As of right now life’s been kinda alright. Mm, well yesterday wasn’t so much. Mainly because of school stuff. Especially health and safety.. We had to do a group project this week where we had to make a skit about saying no to someone telling you to do drugs, drink, or cut class.. I got placed with a group that […]
“You moldy rough!”
“She turned me into a nute… I got better…”
“Can a one pound bird carry a one pound bird carry a one pound coconut?”
“Bring out The dead”
“You half heartened hind”
.
“I’m sorry I thought this was America”.
“Did you just crap on my desk Cartmen”?
Is there anyone else who likes tool?
Lol that guy looks like he kneeds some milk.
Art should comfert the disturbed and disturbed the comforted.
https://youtu.be/GN1lsRtSFPs
My coping skills are about as great as my social skills…they are shit, but I get through the best I know how. At my lowest you can find me hidden in the darkest room, music mind as loud as it will go, it blocks the world around me out and sometimes if I’m lucky it helps me to not focus so Much on my own thoughts, being left alone with ones thoughts, especially ones as morbid as my own, is a living hell I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I’m at my lowest. […]
Does any one use heroin and feel like they finally don’t want to kill them self? I do. When I get clean from it and I’m sober, I want to die again. What’s the point of me getting sober if I still want to die? Why not just keep using heroin and running from my suicidal and self destructive tendencies? At least that way I’m still alive for the selfish fucks that insist I don’t kill my self. But they’re not happy enough that I’m still alive, they don’t want me on heroin. But they don’t understand, the heroin preserves my life. I’m alive because […]
So I am the middle child of 3 children …..
Some people would love that but I don’t. It’s absolutely hell!! My parents would always compare me to my older sister or younger brother.
You see my older sister (24) is now a nurse and is married to Matthew . A doctor who is “the perfect guy” as my parents say …… They would always compare me to her by saying “Oh you know when your sister was your age she used to do this… And do that…”
They never give me a break …
Oh and let’s not forget my little brother. It doesn’t make it […]
This dark, lingering affliction has tempted me for several years now. First started just before I developed tinnitus…..the reaper screaming in my head. That was 4 years ago. Now I’m in a relapse……now the fluoxetine doesn’t work. This cannot…..will not…..go on. 21 is a bit young, perhaps? Anyway……needs must.
Anyone relate? I need someone to understand. Death will save me
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM5pPuFcJw0&w=320&h=180]
Whenever I venture out in public, I make it a habit to carry my bag with an aid kit and a 1.5 litre bottle of water, along with a host of expendables and other oddities. Within the aid kit is a good stock of bandages, antiseptic cream/wipes and a suture kit. Airway masks, wound pads for sucking chest wounds and saline tubes with the means to mainline it to someone in dire need of hydration. Assorted medicines such as paracetamol, ibuprofen and opiate-based analgesics. But one medicine I have used on more than one occasion to good effect is aspirin — something I never […]
Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I keep making myself suffer? Why don’t I have the courage to do it?
This is my life and I can do it if I want to, I’m tired of people saying don’t, I’m sick of them telling me to stop being so damn selfish and to think of others. Like I’m a person too damnit why cant they think of what I’m going through, Why cant they see the pain I see why do they have the strength I don’t have. Where the hell am I supposed to go a damn hospital doesn’t help I […]
There is nothing more for me, need the end to set me free. Trapped in myself, body my holding cell.
by fadetoblack
written by fadetoblack
I met you in my junior year of high school. its been almost 7 years since then, and exactly one month now since I last saw you. From the moment we met I knew there was something special in you, it didn’t take me more than a week to confess my love to you. From the very start I knew you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, you were just different than everyone else. Even after you moved away for school, I was always there when you needed me. I was in a dark place when you moved […]
I have been feeling down lately. Probably because I have been feeling like I’ve lived a meaningless life. I feel that I am not doing enough to help my fellow human being. I have chosen my work in order to help people but I feel that I am not doing enough to help my fellow human being. I would like to go on the frontline, in the trenches. I feel like my work would be more meaningful there. Maybe I’m just ranting, and I’m sorry if this bothers anyone, but I feel that this is the only place where I can say it and be […]
Dearest Friends and Family,
First let me tell you that I love you, and it is this love that has kept me here for the time that I have been alive. It is not because I have lost my way, or that I no longer respect and appreciate all the things you have ever done for me. I end my life today because I have reached the end of the road. Why continue when there are no maps, no signs and no one to walk with me along the way? I don’t expect you to understand this, nor do I want you to try and answer […]
My aunty is visiting me before I leave for college, and she is the prettiest of my mom’s siblings because she uses the most makeup and she is the “beauty expert”. The only downside to this is that she cares way too much about her looks and comments on other peoples’ too. I was at the mall with her today with one of my other family members, and she kept talking about how much smaller she is than I am, yet she still has more than double my breast size. She kept saying comments during dinner (we ate saucy chicken wings from her favorite restaurant) about […]
Would it be okay if I went on an adventure to find myself? When I say that, I actually mean… would it be a good idea to run away? Maybe not now, but the next time things take a turn for the worse. What do you guys think?
I’m sorry… I’m not your hero anymore.
So this is my first Post here.
So i’ve been here before several times,
like a fucking stalker, like Marla singer, the woman from ‘fight club’ who went to all the support groups because they were cheaper than cinema. Or more like the Protagonist from that same book.
Whenever i felt sadness melancholy and whatever-the-fuck you want to call it eating me from inside. Hollowing out. Gouging.
Whenever i desperately wanted to cry, but couldn’t because it seemed surreal, pathetic and impossible to me to cry over nothing but myself.
And whenever i vistited here i felt like an asshole because i wouldn’t dare to try to help, because i […]
Trapped inside this ominous receptacle,
Eighteen years, eight months, six days, ten hours, fifty minutes and forty seven seconds beyond my best before date,
I stand hollow and cavernous-as the wind cascades itself amidsts my masts, creating sweet tunes and great form;
My eyes have been spectators to such mesmerising beauty, humbling devastation and horror;
My ears have beared witness to great orchestrated melodies, profound speeches and bone wrenching pleas for intervention;
My skin has felt the sweet caress of a caring hand, the firm- corrective thump of life, the allure of a sexual pulse and the sterility and inamimacy of iron.
My heart has endured the thrills of young love, […]