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:'(
I use to come here a lot when I was depressed and suicidal. Just read, never posted. Trying to feel understood, and validated maybe. I’m in a much better state of mind now, and made a video about my personal experience. If you’re interested, I’ll add the link. I can’t promise anyone they will get better, that’s up to them. But I can promise you that there is so much more to life than what you currently think and see. Just keep in mind that your current state of mind might not be able to comprehend this, but that doesn’t mean it will always be […]
I’ve never come across a good example of how to manage the incredible range of contradictory, conflicting drives within me. I often see people who are struggling with some aspect of themselves, and think that if they just made a small adjustment in their approach, they could avoid so much trouble. But when it comes to myself, I have no clue where to start.
I have instincts and impulses to do the worst things imaginable within me. And it’s not that I’m worried that I’m actually going to enact them. I’m generally pretty reserved in most circumstances. But they’re strong enough to the point where they […]
You have some humans who invent rockets that can take you to outer space. Other humans have invented computers and cell phones that let you talk to someone across the globe, in real time. And then there are these humans that do the above stupid shit. Tik Tok Challenges.
No, I do not feel bad or sorry for these idiots. If you’re that dumb, it’s only proper for natural selection to select those OUT of the gene pool. Sadly, it seems the human gene pool is headed toward idiocracy rather than higher intelligence.
Like how many dumb tik tok challenges that […]
Would You Rather Be:
A Happy Idiot or A Depressed Genius?
Took a shower for the first time in 2 weeks. Maybe longer, can’t remember. Wish I could wash away all the rot that is me, but ah, I’m stuck with that for now. I feel like a dumbass because I can’t pull myself out of this for shit. I’ve been trying to do what I’m told to, fighting negative thoughts and things, and I’m always reminded about how it’s my choice and I have to put in the effort. And so I’ve been trying to do all that. But I’m dumb, and pathetic, and worthless, and rotten, and a coward, and a selfish asshole, and the weakest person […]
Every time there is a week where a bunch of crappy stuff is supposed to happen, I call it hell week. I have a presentation on Wednesday, I meet with company executives for five minutes on Thursday, and I have a couple of stuff due. When you look at it, it’s not a whole lot, but to me it sucks. I always have this feeling that something is going to get me, and I think this time it’s going to be one of these things. Things just suck. I hope they go well.
Some Reasons Why People Kill Themselves | Psychology Today
Defiance, hatred, chagrin, misguided altruism and loss of self. You?
I took like 70 pills over the span of 2 nights. (20 one night and 50 the next). I did extensive research on what does not react well with eachother and how much can kill you. I took like more than that 7 of of each kind. I took Xanax, Oxycodone, 10 of Adderall, Prozac, Lexapro, Percocet, and some others I can’t quit remember the name of them though. So why did some 13 year old get to OD on Benadryl and I was only in the ICU for three days. Im only a few years older than him. He didn’t even […]
I feel kinda off after the talk I’ve had with a psychiatric outpatient clinic. I feel like, she didn’t really understand my limitations on how I struggle with life and what treatment I’d be willing to do. She kept shoving her clinic onto me. I’ve looked at it years back and I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it.
To her, a stationary psycho clinic is like vegetating away and not grasping the problem. What the hell, I bet lots of people wouldn’t even consider getting help like that. I don’t wanna be a Debby-Downer but I have the feeling, no one really understands, how […]
It’s been about four months since my last post and things are even worse now. The popular notion that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem is untrue. There is nothing temporary about my condition. I don’t see how things will ever change or improve. My mother, who was my only immediate family in this state recently moved to another state to enter an independent living facility. I have very few friends. The lonliness and isolation is unbearable. There seems to be no purpose in my life. Unlike many here, I do believe in God and Jesus Christ yet I’m at the end […]
Leaving a small tear here 4all duh bad thangz
Kid #1- Ariana 6yo
Anyone feel like a failure after watching her? O_o
I don’t believe in reincarnation, but if ever there was a case of one, seems like an adult hopped into a little 6yo body. She’s not just “smart” but quite business savvy.
All 3 kids are amazing ofc, but I feel more depressed and pathetic that a 6yo is doing way more with her life than me. I’m sure she’s extremely privileged, parent’s are upper middle class or upper class, she’s been given opportunities most kids haven’t (she’s been put in private school/tutoring since age 2), I’m sure the parents do […]
Why can’t I just be a happy person?
Why must I be plagued with so many thoughts?
I just want to be a happy, productive, capable person.
Just go out and do things. Be happy.
And not weighed down by thoughts. Or feelings.
Don’t have a whole lot to say but felt like posting anyway. I went to a bar yesterday. A barcade to be specific. I love arcades, so I’m always happy to go to one. I drink occasionally but usually I don’t drink too much, mainly because of how expensive it is. I ended up drinking alot though last night. I blew 40 bucks on four whiskey sours. That feeling of inebriation was nice. I felt light and things didn’t seem so important. I felt at peace in a sense. Last night might have been the […]
Suddenly, the reward is available. I’ve been waiting on it, holding myself back from so much, so much just longing for a taste….
and now I can’t seem to… take it. It’s right there, it isn’t even that big of a thing apart from the darn buildup behind it. That I wanted it enough to be sneaky, to be clever, to be patient, and a little dishonest. But when I have it, will I feel better? Doubt it. Doubt it very much…… all the same, I’m afraid if I don’t grab it, if I wait, it’ll cost me much more. Does that justify giving myself a […]
hii..
Can’t wait to die. I mean who cares, it won’t bother me hopefully but even if I’m like whatever.
I don’t want to be this anymore. Being inside my mind is not a fun place to be. I’m tired, sad, lonely, and full of regret, all the time. My life sucks. And I’m not blaming anyone else for that, But it feels so past the point of repair that the urge to give up is overwhelming.
There are certain kinds of videos games (I’m thinking mainly of strategy/tactics games) where it becomes clear you’ve messed it up, long before you hit a game over. Where the mistakes you made early on are now sabotaging your every move, making just keeping your head above water hugely […]
It’s been about a year since she has stopped talking to me and my obsession has not ended. I think it’s gotten worse. I heard her name over the announcements today because she won some sort of award or whatever and my whole day was ruined. My heart was pounding and my mouth went dry and I couldn’t focus at all. I think about reaching out to her sometimes but what would I say? I just want to know what she’s doing now. I really miss her honestly. Every time I see her talking to someone I wish it was me instead of them. I […]