General

So many years of broken relationships. I wonder if there was a time in history where people lived in harmony or at peace with each other.

i feel so alone. i know everyone feels alone. but i feel like i have no excuse to feel the way i do. i feel like everyone who has the same problems as me is able to deal with them or able to get on with their life and i don’t know why i’m so absolutely pathetic about everything that happens to me. autism makes my life difficult but there are so many autistic people i know who have friends and partners adn are able to function normally so that can’t be it. being trans makes my life difficult but i know so many trans […]

I had to see a judge after my half-sister death : he thinks the problems come from my mother and her husband so he decided to put me in a foster to avoid the fact i could do the same thing , he force me to see a psy before going to bed , well my life sucks . I have to share my room with a girl named Mikayla , this girl has no parents ; they died in a airplane crash , well Mikayla, mine are alive but not my siblings . This girl is cringe asf , she keep asking how Niela […]

friendships are supposed to go both ways. one supports the other when something bad happens and vice versa. but what happens when I don’t want anyone to talk to me or vent to anyone and I’m left to only give and never take. its my fault that I don’t want to take, but I don’t know what to do about it. Among other things, I feel really different from other people. I was with another person the other day and i was watching them make lunch. and they were so excited about making lunch that they would physically bounce around after they put together a […]

My dad sabotaged me and now I feel this weird perversion to just watch the world burn. I feel there is no safe space. That online and at home at least, people are thirsty to make me the bad person and an example. I want to be the happy person I used to be, It is so long ago that I am forgetting how that was possible for the person I used to be. My peer advocate said it seems like I’m in quicksand and I am so desperate to fix my situation and the more I struggle the worse it gets. I am so […]

Not much to say, really. Or maybe too much that there just isn’t enough room.

I don’t know how to let go. It’s not something I ever learned. To force my brain to move the fuck on from whatever it’s fixated on. I seem to be causing myself endless pointless suffering, simply because my mind will not process the evidence presented to it.

This thing that seems incredibly important and vital? Yeah, that’s not for you. Better luck next time. Just accept it and focus on something else.

But I don’t. It’s like there’s this void inside me, and I’m desperately seeking out something that might negate it. Maybe letting go would mean accepting that void. That there is no purpose or […]

Well I made my decision. I’m going to WPI. I’m totally out of my depth and will probably flunk out. I’m a dumbass who has no idea what he’s doing and might not even graduate considering all the shit I still haven’t done for my senior project due in less than two weeks. I’m fucked beyond all reason. Yet I still choose it. I can feel myself loosing it with just the little amount of work I have now, so this is probably going to fuck me. The panic of stuff recently got to me, but now […]

There is only one, one cause worth fighting for; a worthwhile life.

That which we all lack, and despairing of that, we wonder why life?

Yes our struggle is with existence itself,

the very concept of something, the concept of worth, are under attack

so could it be we are romantics at heart?

lost without a path to tred?

Yet for our love, we can’t leave. We fight on, because we know little else.

which brings me back to the start; is that meaningful?

IS IT ENOUGH?!

hmmm? What say you?

I’ve been cheated on in all my past relationships and then thrown away. I was just dating someone for a year and half and they broke up with me after cheating on me too. I’m about to fail out of school in my senior year. I’m drowning constantly and I have no one to talk to. It feels like there’s a stack of 1000 books onto of my skull. The girl I thought was the love of my life is gone forever. She won’t stop texting me about how she misses me and wants to be with me and I can’t even answer. It’s like the […]

So much I’m dreaming about it. Imagine that ha

I’ve been traveling a lot. I miss my dogs the most. I have a border collie and a scruffy mutt like tramp. I love how they’re always so excited to see me. I could be gone for 5 minutes they just run around the house as fast as possible… sigh… I wanna go home 🙂

two out of eight houses surrounding mine have been empty for the past year. This morning, a third started emptying. It hurts, the loss, the loneliness. Not that I was close with any of them, but I liked them being there, the empty houses haunt me.

two of the remaining five are owned by single old people, who I barely see. Which leaves three, all along the back, which I don’t know the status of.

they could be empty too, for all I know…. I could be utterly alone.

tornado warning. Wish me luck.

WAIT. IT’S PERFECT.
I’ma soar through the air bro. Celine Dion all the way. /I like the and the clowns have all gone to bed part ha

https://youtu.be/K2B2nT6pfSE

If you’ve ever seen psychosis, you know how invisible feels. You know how everyone looks the same, and you know how it feels, perhaps fun playing with your imagination, if it isn’t sucking you dry.

Tribute for those strong ones out there, true respect for you if you’ve walked it.
like I said before, if I somehow die, I’d embody Dali’s face and embrace the twos that nobody sees everywhere ha BOO ? illuminatay

and lainey, I hope you enjoyed the shoutouts in return. What goes down must come up ha

I haunted you ;D

even though you’ll never […]

So here I am once again. I haven’t been here in a long time, which is good. It means that I was okay during my time away. Lots of good moments, but it’s hard to remember them now as I write this. This week has hit me the hardest…just lots of stressful moments that keep on piling up and up and up. I realize the changes by now, but it’s still frightening to feel it. Headaches, anger, the body aches. My shoulders and back hurt so much, and I want to cry all day because of the emotional toll. I hate that Anxiety comes at […]