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I have this desperate urge to feel connected to another person, but I don’t think I’m capable. I don’t like people, not really. Not even myself. Especially not myself. A part of me thinks I’m better than everyone, though most of me knows I’m far worse. I can’t risk anyone seeing the truth. So it’s all meaningless. I’ve cut myself off from humanity – I’m completely alone. It’s understandable that my mind should seek an escape – isolation is a genetic dead end. But escape would require a brain that wasn’t poisoned. I will die this way, however long I live for.
Hello. This is more asking for your opinions than ranting.
I know I’m not the first one or the last one to say what I’mma say. I know I’m subjective since I am in depression, and this is not well documented, it’s only based on my personnal experience, and what I see on the internet.
In our societies (at least western developped ones, sorry for all the other users, I just talk bout what I know), are people getting… worse? Worse, for people ? Well, yes. Worse overall. And standards are lowering. Let me explain. I want to know if you agree with these points:
First obvious point:
softer […]
Its never my turn. My last partner, almost 3 months ago, left me for drugs. “Over drugs or you? Drugs, sorry but your too bubbly.”
Am i not important enough? Ive had 26 partners. Im not even out of high school. Most date me to grt closer to my best friends, but theres one, this one person ive liked for almost 4 years now. And it hurts. It hurts so damn much. I want to asked him out. I do, but im scared.. what do i do? Im asking for help here.
I finally worked up the courage to write this, my very bizarre story that probably nobody will even believe. I keep wondering if I even should write this memo, i may simply delete it later in fear of it becoming popular and making me famous or something similiar, and that i am not interested in. My story begins over 700 years ago and ends soon after
I am the last of the Cynocephaly or at least that’s what you called us. I once was a powerful creature and man, but my own people saw me as something of a monster, and because of my appearance i […]
I’m so angry. I don’t even really think I can but it into words right now. All I know is, is that the project is fucked and that I hate the slimy fucking weasel. I hope he gets fucked over hard one day.
When I received my final acceptance letter, a door closed behind me forever. I have to keep living now, for how long, I don’t know. There’s no going back. Maybe it’s because I have been living with it for such a long time, or maybe I love to see myself suffer. When my mental condition gets better I live like a pot without a lid. But when it comes back, everything goes blank. Nothing is going to fix my problems, I have nowhere to go. I think I’m too attached to the negatives, because being angry feels good, because crying feels good, I can’t write […]
It’s not that I don’t want to do things, I really do. But I have absolutely no passion or positive drive to do them, or to even make myself happy. I want to consume substances, anything that will cloud my mind long enough so that I have at least a few hours outside of reality so that I can keep rolling on.
I just look at myself and see nothing while everyone else does what they love without a second thought.
Even though I am trying to not abuse alcohol or drugs, I find myself day dreaming or binging Youtube instead. I don’t want to be sober, […]
Is a night of hell. I can’t understand how if pandemics are starting to wane and as a consequence pubs have reopened then everything is all right with the world. Most cultures/ nationalities don’t celebrate alcohol/drunkeness in the first place. Most countries don’t have a drinking culture. When I was in South America there was no drinking culture, there was sensational steak bife di chorizio, marijuana smuggled in from the jungles of Paraguay, but one thing there was not was any celebration of alcohol.
A night out, a long nights drinking on the town is a young mans game, 18 to 25, at 25 the time […]
I always come back to this place no matter what. I’ve lived happily in life after suicide attempts and going to treatment and actually enjoyed happiness for the better part of two years. However, no matter the amount of therapy, no matter the medication, no matter the meditation, no matter the physical exercise, I always end up back here. I could try to get back up and keep going again and it might be the time that I prevail but I choose not to. I choose to let go. To let go of this life and everything in it. I wonder at times about future […]
The world is too troubled, with mountains too high to climb. What’s the point of reaching a summit if you can’t feel the excitement in it. Nothing is appealing anymore. I’ve separated myself from the world in front of me. It’s a wasteland to me now. The thought of leaving makes me glow inside… but feeling this way now… Once I’ve made an exit, will I still feel the same? That’s the hell I’m afraid of. I’ve heard you can’t take your life with you to the other side. And that’s all I want, you know, how it used to feel and how it used […]
My parents don’t understand. Which would be fine and good, but I need their support else I’m going to stay in the situation I’m in.
My mom likes to compare me to my dad, who to my knowledge had two major breakdowns between the ages of 18 and 68. TWO! I’m 34 and I’ve had at least three. My dad never had to take medication in childhood, didn’t spend the first two decades of his life feeling without connection, without belonging. Further benefit; my dad was able to join the Air Force and come out with an honorable discharge. Which meant he had no college debt, […]
i want to live in my head, it’s just so. so. so. comfortable there. it’s like a treehouse with sunshine through the leaves and birds singing and a stream and frogs and flying squirrels and everything is so nice. it’s like the childhood i’d always dreamed of when i was a kid. i want to stay there forever. i’m so tired. i’m so in pain all the time. my body always hurts and there’s so many decisions to make and things to do and i have to keep my room clean and i feel like puking. My head has so much that doesn’t exist and […]
the way my life is is really my fault but im trying to change it and its not workingg
I can’t fill this void with enough to conjure memories of where I used to be. I miss the warm souls that made up my life. They’re all gone. All the good things that made me happy. The people I loved, the places, the feelings, it’s never replenished.
It’s been a decade of searching for meaning and a new chapter. I can’t feel happy. It’s a dreadful existence.
and I hate the world around me… I can’t help it. So I tried an antidepressant for a month, I still feel the same, just a bit better. It’s not enough, still. I feel like a dim […]
I honestly don’t know how much longer I can go on. Physically my body feels like if wants to give out at any moment breathing feels very labored, I constantly feel nauseous and lightheaded even though nothing is wrong. Mentally everything has gotten so tiresome to deal with the only thing I want to do is waste my time on things that make me forget about my responsibilities. I really don’t want to deal with this on my own anymore but I dont want to bother people around me because they have their own lives. At this point it feel like it doesn’t matter who […]
I’m in my 40s and am just burnt out on everything.
I used to enjoy my job, but the company has made changes over the last year and it has become increasingly Sisyphean. If you’re not familiar with Sisyphus, he was a man from Greek mythology who did something to piss off one of the gods. I don’t remember what and I’m not going to bother Googling it. No one cares what the humans did anyway. Prometheus stole fire, that’s the only one everybody remembers. But everyone remembers the Greek gods’ punishments. Sisyphus was cursed to roll a massive boulder up a hill for all eternity. […]
I cant figure out why I should bother with sobriety in the first place.
My SO isn’t feeling like much of an SO lately…
I know he’s upset because he’s worried but those emotions are making me feel like I should keep things to myself. That’s the opposite of what an SO is suppose to make you feel. They’re suppose to make you feel like you can talk to them. They’re suppose to hug you and say it’s ok. When you fall instead of getting disappointed that you did they’re suppose to pick you up and say it’s ok try again.
But I’m feeling like I’m better off […]
I’m tired. Really I’m to exhausted to feel anything most days or I am intensely angry at everything. Sometimes I’ll get random bursts of giddiness and just laugh for no reason, with abnormally high self esteem and feel like god, but eventually something little sets me off and I spiral down.
I was never really scared to die and I still don’t value my life that much. Suicide has always felt like something positive to me. Back in November I nearly killed myself. I remember very clearly- the day of I was tired and tearful because some online friend of mine was going to commit suicide, […]