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What’s at the End? How Far, how High, or how Low does it Go?

by uni687
written by uni687

We are all born, for the most part, knowing absolutely nothing about where we are or why we came into existence.  When we grow old enough, we eventually learn of the inevitable mortality we will all face; we all discover there is an end to life.  Sometimes, I go to sleep and wake up wondering what’s after all of this existence.  I grew up living within the structure of a Christian denomination, which presents the possibility of ending up in either Heaven or Hell, depending on how unjust or just of a life I lead.  On the flip side, as I’m sure many have, I […]

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Mad and crumbling

by cheeseball
written by cheeseball

I am waiting.

I’m feeling super pissed now. I know. I’ll eventually crumble. I’ve always hated the end of the year. Worst. Memories ever.

I’m waiting.

For a worse memory to appear. For my anger and rage to dissipate, to be replaced by an abyss of hopelessness and regret. To be replaced by self hate. To push everyone away from me, from my own incompetence in life. To be angry at myself for doing so and repeat the whole cycle.

I’m waiting.

For a time where my life does not have this cycle. I wish I could kill people, but first I’d kill myself.

I’m waiting.

Till I am called by my […]

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What is the purpose of living

by whereisthepeace
written by whereisthepeace

All my life, people have hated and humiliated me for no reason. I have social anxiety disorder. I look timid and weird, so people treat me like crap. I’ve had rocks and trash thrown at me for no reason. Strangers scream at and intimidate me for fun. I stay home most of the time. I’m always lonely, so sad, and so angry. I’ve never been on a date. I’m so sick of life. I feel like the devil is punishing me for no reason. I wish I could close my eyes and die, but every morning I unwillingly wake up to a brand new damn […]

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Ask for help

by xylem
written by xylem

I’ve always wondered why during my darkest times can I never pick up the phone and call a friend? Is it pride? lack of will? or just plain embarrassment?
I don’t know why the days that I need someone’s help are the days I just wanna lock myself in the room and be alone. It just seems so counterintuitive and yet I do it over and over again.
Why is it that we prefer to suffer alone? Is it just me?
Why is it so scary to admit that you are sad? Sometimes I almost avoid ppl just so they won’t notice how depressed I […]

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why am I not happy?

by notsurehey
written by notsurehey

I have an amazing guy in my life that I keep pushing away, he does so much for me but why am I still not happy?

I have friends who care and try to help, but I’m still not happy.

My life isn’t perfect, I cry myself to sleep so many nights, all I want to do is die. I think about death all the time, the other morning I wanted to open the car door and roll into traffic, I couldn’t breathe last night, instead of taking my asthma pump I just let it be and closed my eyes…. but I’m still here…

I thought […]

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What is “Life”

by heartshapedpapercuts
written by heartshapedpapercuts

I simply don’t look at life the same way others do.  You can look at is as a miracle but I see it as a simple meaningless cycle.  We laugh, we smile, and we cry but in the end it is ALL for nothing, you die.  You die and then those who remembered you will die and then you are forgotten.  I’d give the same advice to those I will leave behind “be strong, look on the bright side, things will get better.”  Just when will they?  If you’re telling me this everyday and nothing is changing then you are lying.  Some say life is […]

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by Kallian
written by Kallian

New dilemma. I had another panic attack today, while at work. I was lucky enough to excuse myself so no one realized, but I don’t really remember what happened in the 20 minutes I was gone. Later on I notice my sleeve is sticking to my arm so I go to the bathroom to wash it off, thinking it was juice or something from one of my customers…nope. I had somehow cut myself. For the first time, I carved “useless” into my skin. What the hell?

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Comet-Block

by Bisban
written by Bisban

 

 

“but then, it’d come out all fucked-up like me”

 

 

-Down-tempo, beautiful trip-hop;

not in the ship, the water the color; the dead messiah-

 

 

Tonight, who can save me

All rolled-up, is all that I see

Today, who the can save me

All dug down, is all that I see

There’s nobody, there’s nobody

Multiple-man, to resuscitate another

A mass-growth-utter, seven and eight-billion inside the Labyrinth

Killing me, killing me; the humanity

Jesus Fish

 

I want to go on but save me

Go to the store and get me my weed

We shall, we shall, decipher; golden dying

I am the living-myth, what is the living-myth

The living-myth, a giant black beast of hell

Who am I, why am I

Inborn with my golden […]

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Venting…

by This_iz_me
written by This_iz_me

I cannot sleep…. I keep thinking about what someone said to me “no one gives a ish”….

No one cares and to have no one in your corner ,hurts. I tried telling a friend a few minutes ago that I still deal with depression and cannot get rid of these sucidal thoughts, And just said ” i thought you wasn’t going to go to that place no more”? Like really…. if i could really had a choice to feel the way I do don’t you think I would choose not to be feeling sucidal, depressed and lonely all the time…Damn, I do wanna be happy but I […]

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god….really?

by tasteslikekevinbacon
written by tasteslikekevinbacon

I’m new to this site but I have seen a lot of posts about God. So I guess I’ll throw my two scents in.I’m just sitting here thinking that I should choose my next words carefully. Most of you will not read or care about what I write, so WTF.

Don’t you think it’s strange that every civilization has had some concept of a higher power? A God. Some benevolent being that looks down on all of us? Envoking an element of fear and obideince? Expecting our every whim and though to bend to this end? No matter what religion it might be? Is this not […]

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I need a friend

by SOrmerod
written by SOrmerod

I’ve been alone in my depression my entire life. I’ve got social anxiety so I’m basically a recluse. My depression is treatment resistant. The longest a medication has worked for me is two months before it stops and needs to be changed. To add to it I get the worst side effects. Uncontrollable muscle movements slurred speech and worse. I can’t take life anymore. I need a friend and a hug and someone to just hold me while I cry. It just doesn’t end. With everything going bad in my life I want to die so bad but I’m too big a coward to kill […]

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I hate (most) people

by AfflictedSmile
written by AfflictedSmile

So today I buried the man who was the closest thing to an actual father I had, and at the funeral my asshole of a stepfather who wasn’t half the man my uncle was, had the nerve to come talk to me about what I should or shouldn’t do with my uncles estate. It took every ounce of restraint not to knock his ass on the ground and pulverize him. Afterwards he begins to walk around and talk to people about his work. News flash, it’s a funeral. No one gives a shit about what you have to talk about. People are mourning the loss […]

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by hellblau
written by hellblau

I can’t pretend that I know what love means, neither how it dies. I lost control, everything around me goes on but doesn’t move. Maybe this was real love, too late we realized about what we had and lost. I’ve wasted so many years my love. I wouldn’t like this to be my conclusion.

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Cutting

by justmehere
written by justmehere

Lately I’ve had lots of thoughts about cutting…I’ve never done it before. But I’ve know people who have and they say it relieves their pain and makes them feel better.

I guess the only thing stopping me is the pain. (Ironic that I could try to kill myself but not bring myself to slash my wrist lol right?)

i just want some of my pain to go away. I’ve never been 100% positive about suicide so this sounds good idk.

How bad does it hurt?

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Phoenix

by lost-alone
written by lost-alone

New here. I have battled bi-polar and major depression for years. Spent almost 4 years more in the hospital than out of it. Been on enough meds to support a pharmacy, 18 ECT treatments, you name it. From when I was first diagnosed, at 21, until I was 33, I had one therapist who stuck with me, no matter what. And I threw some major drama at him back in the day. It has seemed that I have to rise from the ashes every day, and each time, there is less of me there. Now 45, My physical health has deteriorated; back surgery, thyroid problems, […]

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Thanks for the support

by overit20
written by overit20

I’ve been doing much better since I posted on here last. It really helped talking to people that actually understood how and why I felt the way I did. It also made me realise that even people that don’t know me, care. They will take the time to discuss all the bad shit as to where your friends no longer have time for it and you just need to snap out of it . Anyways I just wanted to say thank you.

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