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I am a writer, I write poems, short stories, books, songs, etc. I wrote a poem a while back about suicide and self harm. Everybody says it is very beautiful but the content is bad (suicide anx self harm) anybody want to see it?? I will post it if you want to see it. 🙂
I want to cut myself so bad right now. It’s like the longer I go without, the more intense the urges become. I should reward myself for going almost 3 weeks without any bloodshed. Positive reinforcement, or whatever that psychology theory is.
It might sound weird, but I almost miss the smell of the blood, the feel, the sight. I could get so much red out of just a few small wounds.
Why do I miss it?
So after about 2 hours of sleep last night, I bolt up wide awake after yet another extremely vivid dreams that I’m sure was chock full of all sorts of metaphors about why I need to die soon. Exhausted, but I know I’m not going back to sleep. I start playing some poker online, won a bit, then lost a bit, so broke even. Feeling a little better about not getting wiped out at poker. But my mind keeps drifting back to my dream. It’s difficult to know if it was a nightmare or not. It’s wasn’t unpleasant. And perhaps that is the nightmare. It […]
“I’m alright, until I’m alone and lately that is all the time”
Hiya for who ever has reads this. My problem has been going on for nearly 9 years now, out of a 7 day , say 3 to 2 days am happy full of life,loud making jokes,love my girlfriend full of trust , then for next 4 days am down in dumps don’t want to get out of bed,moody,paranoid,want to kill my self this has been going on for years and iv never been for help (and don’t plan to) but a came across this site and was wondering if any one has symptoms and can help ?
My mistakes consume me.
When ever one crosses my mind,
It crushes my lungs till I can’t breathe.
It replays in my head till I go insane.
It makes my stomach lurch, till I loose everything I ate.
The pain on other peoples faces spin around me till I hurt myself just as much as I hurt them.
Then when it all finnally fades away, I get reminded again.
And the cycle repeats.
Just wish he would grow tired of bullying me. I just want him to leave me alone. He seems to think I deserve this. I am so, so, so low. He is driving me towards committing suicide.
Hello.
I have returned after over 2 years to this place where I have kept my thoughts and feelings in what is a private, but public place, in it’s own way. A type of blog, specially for people like me. This place has helped me and others so much, and sadly I must admit once more I have returned for it’s much needed support.
I was formly ‘LastLove’, but have since lost my account/email/password, so I won’t be retrieving my old pieces any time soon, so quickly I’ll add an overview of my, well, ‘problems’ as they may be called, my story, one of many.
I was sexually […]
Why me? Why does it have to be me feeling this way? Why anyone? Can’t I have a piece of happiness instead of this poison eating the real me away. I’m rotting. I’m no longer myself. The only feelings I have are my self-inflicted wounds. The only feeling that brings me out of my numbness, that is. Why can’t I have the support I need? I never ask for anything but for someone to shake me and bring me out of the dark. Someone to tell me I’ll be okay. Someone to tell me I’ll make it, because I’m slowing fading away.. I’m not sure […]
I feel like I’m being tested. A situation that anyone else would feel as normal. That in any other case in my life would be normal now feels like its a test from God. I don’t know if I even believe in God. I don’t know if Karma or any of that exist yet im so lost in with everything right now that I cant get the thought out of my head. I have a road in front of me that if it is a test, I will fail and lose any and all hope of reconciliation, yet I don’t even know if that reconciliation […]
You know that feeling in life when you’ve got to do something, but you don’t want to. You can’t get another person to swap places with you. No trades, exchanges, deals.
My deal is that I have to go see a doctor later this month and I already know I’ll have to undergo an operation. Can’t really get anyone to step into my shoes and take a vacation instead. Yeah, because it’s my body and my problem. Then I began to think what if I did not exist, then there would be no operation either. I’m not fond of doctors, operations, hospitals at all, so of […]
Lately, I’ve found myself feeling more lonely than before but I really can’t complain. My eyes have been opened to many different observations. Right now, I’d just like to rant about one in particular. I can post a blog on here, and usually I get about 5-10 comments of support or people asking questions, etc. Point being, someone will reply. Maybe not right away, but someone will take the time to make an effort. I greatly appreciate it.
However, most people in real life have friends or at least concerned aquaintences..right? Majority of people…So, over the course of the past week or two, I’ve been getting […]
March, August first.
Another block.
If by chance, by tomorrow night.
I thought, now all that is left.
To the death.
Rendered in shredder.
There are no souls on the black side.
Like the bat, face your fears.
No matter, I will go.
From underneath.
Drag my own chain.
Rubble, run away to zero.
The table and the plant, welcomes.
From the ground, the old man says.
There’s yellow-***.
Tourbillion, the air disperse.
I was never there, my life never existed.
The forever melancholy.
To destroy “Babylon.”
Grace of death; resurrect.
Welcome to the funk.
How do you tell them?
How do you tell them that you don’t want help?
How do you tell them that you don’t want to find a new job?
How do you tell them you don’t want to find someone else?
How do you tell them you don’t want to move away again?
How do you tell them you don’t want to start over?
How do you tell them you don’t even want to leave the house?
How do you tell them you don’t want to sleep?
How do you tell them you don’t want to be awake?
How do you tell them that none of those things make the emptiness go away?
How do tell […]
I need to sort myself out. I cant keep feeling like this… I just feel so irritable every second of the day. I have tears permanently in my eyes, just sitting here doing nothing angers me. But then I have no choice- weather is crap, friends are busy and I honestly dont want to talk to them. I always feel I have to make the effort with all of them, To be happy because if im not it means either being called miserable or having to explain myself when even I dont know whats happening.
Im so passive.
I just want to go back to college. […]
hi whoever you are first go over my story i am a girl from my Pakistan and recently done my o levels . you know what i have every thing for like iPhone closet filled with clothes and whatever you think high class pocket money but you know body could understand me you know just a minute ago my dad beat me harshly cos i was fighting with my brother how in the world a dad could beat his 17 year old daughter . i am just tolerating oh yeah i had a fight with my mom and i screamed in front of her this morning […]
You know how sometime you wake up thinking for once it might actually be a decent day maybe even a good day. You have that unusual glimmer of hope. I got about 30 seconds of that. Most of my friends would say “its no big deal. So what your mom and her boyfriend got in a fight.” Back when i was little my parents fought all the time you’d think i’d be used to it. Especially the way my dad was. Strong with an uncontrollable temper and a jealous mind. In all honest that just makes it all worse. I wasn’t exactly “planned.” Im the […]
Does anyone ever just want to be a child again. Just being a young little kid worry free and being happy as you were when you were a kid. I would give anything to go back to the days when I was actually happy rather than this depressed guy that cant hold it in anymore that I just want to be gone already.
Unknown,unremarkable,underground
She use to shine,now abyss
Soul killing loneliness
The desolation of the condemned
Even in this desert she canot love herself
The end is coming,but first she must burn
The ecstasy of love now a stabbing memory
You got your chance,you did not hold him close
Youve ruined everything you ever loved
Your disregard,your demands
Youre a killer,a destroyer
So many conversations,you told your story
So many times that it seemed true
You keep forgetting the lie is still inside you
It squirms,it sickens,it must be let out
Kicking and screaming,no graceful exit
Explosive decompression
Theres nothing left to burn,nor bury
Youre a casualty of yourself
Pulled apart,you must wait here alone
Night is coming and I promise you sleep
Night is coming
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