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Or I’m gonna kill myself….right now!!
Ok maybe not…but ..just.. Idk!
i know ppl dont care, but its nice when theY pretend to. they let me get close to them, thinking i could trust them, but than as soon as i do one little thing wrong, they turn their backs on me. I honestly couldnt care, i realized i havent talked to anyone in 2 days straight, and for once i felt better about myself. But than my supposedly “best friend” calls me a conceited *****. just because i dont want to talk. i only did this for me…… and the one time i do something for myself, im a selfish slut? like seriously what the […]
There is no point in floating away from this. I want to drown in this feeling. Swirling and turning my whole world upside down and throughout the insides of my soul. To the depths of this ever so sweet suffocating embrace.
Far off from the dust of the earth surface, where kings have failed but still fall back in place.
Down in my luck, to the tide sweeping love beneath my feet. Low in behold, below fire and smoke. Bringing this all to a close…
Too cold to move on
And too sweet to hold!
Keep me drowning….please? I beg for it if you’d be […]
whenever things finally seem to be working out for me, or I begin to feel a little better, people just decide to fuck it all up for me again?
Why can’t people be reliable?
Is it weird that part of me is afraid of the water? I guess that’s why I don’t go swimming cause I almost drowned 2 times, once when I was little and another time when I had to save my little sister from drowning in the ocean even though she weighed more than me. And another part of me just doesn’t like the water. Ever since I saved my little sister ( 3 years younger than me) from drowning I have not gone in the water really, Ive only gone in when I had to, for example camp when I had to surf and swim in Catalina […]
So, I’m sitting here wondering about life, and one of the things I’ve noticed is that the Internet has been the only constant in it for a very large chunk of time now. The Internet is there for me when I’m sad, happy, mad, bored, fill in the blank. Nothing else in this world brings me the amount of joy the internet brings me. Not people, not drugs, not alcohol, not sex, nothing at all can compare to the wonders of the internet.
I recently found out that my internet has a cap. Because I reached it. With that, my internet provider makes you pay […]
You spend your whole life trying to please people, but in the end the person you need to be pleasing is yourself. With me its different I try to make people happy and I try to please everyone and I know I cant please everyone but I try. My whole life I have felt like I am not worth it I have been told by people that I was just a mistake and that I am not worth it and that I should just go die. Well guess what they got into my head all the time I stayed strong for my family and I […]
for years now i’ve been a zombie with one though on my mind
one cold endearing constant thought through the good times and the bad it remains lingering in my mind like the stale smell of smoke in the room around me.
everyday i wake up i wish that i hadn’t and when i go back to sleep i wish never to wake again
a useless ****** like me doesn’t deserve to live anyways i just wish it were easier to do
i know i can get help and i know that things can get better with effort but i also don’t care i dont want things to get […]
Is it just me but talking to psychiatrist or counsellor or anybody doesn’t help… They just give you pills and everything will be “okay”. I haven’t talked to anyone about my depression and social anxieties in person, only on here as I feel people are more understanding… Since they experienced before. I find its better to type what you feel instead in person. If I tell them about my depression and social anxieties, they bound to say “get over it”, “stop being pessimistic”, “go see the doctor”…etc.*sigh* if only…. If only…. I have one wish…. Maybe life would be easier. …. I’ll probably be happier. […]
I’ve been fighting with this stupid depression for over a year. Now that I managed to feel better, with a lot of work and dedication, everybody around me is falling down. I got 3 friends who suddenly want to die. One of them is at the hospital right now, for it. This is weird. I don’t want to lose them. I’m probably the best person to understand them, and help, but I don’t really know how to. I don’t really know exactly what made ME feel better. Just pills, therapy and taking some risks.
This is a mad world. Really. I thought I wasn’t strong enough. […]
I was in a chatroom on social media
and i saw those words
‘i feel like dying’
shit
thats not what the website is for
so i tell them
‘call the suicide hotline’
they disregard me
a person message
‘stoop her’
stoop her?
im so confused now
‘stop her,shes my girlfriend’
shit
what am i supposed to do now?
so i set up a little personal package
dont die
suicidal numbers
truths
sigh
send
there
i fixed everything,right?
10 minutes
30
nothing
Wait–
Something!
‘Has she responded yet’
Oh
No
And now im going back
To that one place
That one place where i
pull my hair
and cant breathe
and feel like letting it all out
literally
just opening my mouth and letting my organs flow
a shake and heave
and start my same habit in a different place
and think about […]
Ok so um, this is my first time posting so try not to judge.
My life was normal as it could be-when I was 7. I would go to to school, bake cookies, and stuff like that. I basically had a good life, or so I believed-it was hard for me to see the bad in people/situations.
My mom: the woman who raised me till 7…she did drugs-all types of drugs(i walked in on her when she was using needles-but i was like 6, and didn’t know about drugs yet). She was also apparently bipolar and schizophrenic. She abused my sisters and I. Physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, […]
just F_ck
f_ck my family that steals from me
f_ck my family that ignores me, as if i dont even exist!
f_ck my so-called “friends” that are never around
f_ck face book and all YOUR great times i dont want to read about
f_ck this life that i never asked to be born into
f_ck it all!
NO REPLIES NECESSARY….i just needed to rant for a bit!
:/
Im screaming
Darkness is consuming me
No one hears my cries
“Your fat”
“Your ugly”
“No one loves you”
“Your a mistake”
I cover my ears
Shut my eyes
Trying to draw away the voice
“No that’s not true!”
I would yell at the voice
“My family, My friends, My boyfriend LOVE ME”
I scream in agony
“Its pity love,
Family are supposed to love you ,
Your friends wear a mask,
You boyfriend doesn’t want to hurt you”
I slowly opened my eyes
I saw a shadowy figure stand before me
Black as night
Embrace me
It whispered
“Shhhhh, im here for you”
I slowly open my eyes and look at it
It kisses me
I feel all my emotions go into that kiss
It looks at me with a satisfied expression
“The contract […]
Today I got back in touch with an old friend/mentor of mine, and we got into talking about things. He said how when he was younger he thought about the possibility of death/suicide, and he eventually explained how he was able to overcome…or snap out of his dark state.
By realizing he was his own worst enemy.
And that’s me. I’m my own worst enemy.
just wanted to say goodbye to all you ppl. it was nice while it lasted. lately theres been alot of trolling and impersonating. and before i start hating ppl who are pretending to be other ppl that were nothing but nice to me… im just gonna leave and not come back. its too bad that some ppl have to ruin things like a great chat ive been coming to for years and meeting great ppl in but i suppose it is the internet. but i can see this escalating and its just bullshit that i dont want to deal with right now. so bye […]
You think your days are uneventful, and no one ever thinks about you. You think your days are ordinary, and no one ever thinks about you. But we’re all the same, and she can hardly breathe without you.
I started cutting a couple of months ago & I really think I don’t matter on this world. But if I try to commit suicide & I fail WHAT WOULD HAPPEN? I’m scared of fail.. In the other hand I think I need help. So, I don’t know what to do.
Since my relationship crumbled a few weeks ago, I have had this sinking feelingp in the pit of my stomach. I would wake up with it. It’d be with me until I went to bed at night. The only time i could ignore it was at work.
Sometimes, I’d wake up in the morning and cry myself into a vomit session. Worst part about that is not having ingested anything but weed and alcohol for the past 23hours. I’d rather drink than eat. Eating is so hard now but it used to be my favorite thing. Now nothing has taste. I went to bed last night […]
and I thought it is worth sharing. Never heard of Samuel Barber before, but I won’t forget the name now that I have listened to this beauty.