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The thought of me killing myself is literally the best thing ever. It makes me happy to know it will all be over soon. I hate when people say “do what makes you happy” You want me to be happy? Then hold a gun to my head and pull the damn trigger. K thanks.
As I walk through life I imagine it’s one big knife. At any second I can slip and watch my life end. I can imagine the pain I would cause if I went, but I can only blame myself. I try my hardest to get it out of my mind but there’s always that one thing that puts me on the edge. That one person who pushes things to far. That one person who makes the pain not look as bad. That’s why they say time heals all wounds but sometimes the cut is just too deep.
If you ever need anything, no matter what it is, please email me, breannakienzle@gmail.com. I would love to help you in any way I can. Even if you just need to get something off your chest, I promise I won’t judge you because I’ve done many things that I’m not proud of. Please talk to me if you want to, I would love to help.
so hi… to be honest i dont know what i am supposed to put on here so im going to try this. yes i am very sad,
no my dad doesnt rape me. no my family does not hit me. actually my moms side of the family is nice ..
my dad does drink all the time. my mom is very stressed, my sister hates everything and my brother is bullied, people are very mean to me for being diffrent , and liking things normal 14 year olds would like… im the girl you walk by in the mall who has eye liner every where and all black […]
I have not yet accepted my defeat. I shall complete myself, whatever it takes. in my this journey yet i have explored many forbidden zones. the deeper i go the more forbidden zones lose their holiness/untouchability. and a mere touch of me crumbles their whole fortress that they created in thousands or millions of years. And now i shall move one more step. Once social connectedness preserved the species and it was called the highest good. But what is species preservation to me? My suffering has paid all my debts and i owe nothing to nobody. Tell me, what makes another person more worthy to you than […]
I just can’t seem to get anything done.
I feel like there are so many things that I need to do and that I’m falling behind on, but my mind feels like it is stuffed with cotton. Even if I make a list, I feel as though I can’t remember anything that I have to do. Then I just get frustrated and go take a shower or make food.
I am just so tired of trying to keep up with society. All of the expectations and responsibilities that are thrown on me, I just can’t take it. I don’t feel at all prepared for college, or living […]
Someone who I loved an.d cared about very deeply promised me we would be together and start a family. He wanted me to prove I was serious about him by having my IUD removed. After going back and forth on the decision,I finally decided this was the commitment I wanted to make and I was ready. so after I had it removed he started acting uninterested in me. He said he was going through a lot and needed his space. I never could get in touch with him after that other than some hurriedn conversations . I even asked him flat out if he was […]
I never realized how exhausting it is to research ways to die, along with writing a note that explains it all. I’m so exhausted I’ve taken 3 showers today just trying to get it all done. By the end of Friday I don’t intend to be here anymore. When my boyfriend at the time talked me into an abortion I didn’t want he promised he would be around afterwords, I made sure he said he would because I knew I couldn’t handle all of this alone. He left regardless and I told my family about everything because I was afraid of what I would do and […]
I want to leave this world but I am afraid of what might be next, it could be worse. I mean I am a believer but I don’t understand a lot about it, like why is the punishment so severe? I mean no matter what you’re guilty of, an eternal punishment on any level doesn’t seem right, I mean time here is so finite, and any thing you did wrong should in enough time be cleared but eternal damnation?, and for many all they did was get depressed and off themselves, I mean shouldn’t there be some sort of limit to the punishment? Suppose I […]
i know ppl dont care, but its nice when theY pretend to. they let me get close to them, thinking i could trust them, but than as soon as i do one little thing wrong, they turn their backs on me. I honestly couldnt care, i realized i havent talked to anyone in 2 days straight, and for once i felt better about myself. But than my supposedly “best friend” calls me a conceited *****. just because i dont want to talk. i only did this for me…… and the one time i do something for myself, im a selfish slut? like seriously what the […]
There is no point in floating away from this. I want to drown in this feeling. Swirling and turning my whole world upside down and throughout the insides of my soul. To the depths of this ever so sweet suffocating embrace.
Far off from the dust of the earth surface, where kings have failed but still fall back in place.
Down in my luck, to the tide sweeping love beneath my feet. Low in behold, below fire and smoke. Bringing this all to a close…
Too cold to move on
And too sweet to hold!
Keep me drowning….please? I beg for it if you’d be […]
whenever things finally seem to be working out for me, or I begin to feel a little better, people just decide to fuck it all up for me again?
Why can’t people be reliable?
Is it weird that part of me is afraid of the water? I guess that’s why I don’t go swimming cause I almost drowned 2 times, once when I was little and another time when I had to save my little sister from drowning in the ocean even though she weighed more than me. And another part of me just doesn’t like the water. Ever since I saved my little sister ( 3 years younger than me) from drowning I have not gone in the water really, Ive only gone in when I had to, for example camp when I had to surf and swim in Catalina […]
So, I’m sitting here wondering about life, and one of the things I’ve noticed is that the Internet has been the only constant in it for a very large chunk of time now. The Internet is there for me when I’m sad, happy, mad, bored, fill in the blank. Nothing else in this world brings me the amount of joy the internet brings me. Not people, not drugs, not alcohol, not sex, nothing at all can compare to the wonders of the internet.
I recently found out that my internet has a cap. Because I reached it. With that, my internet provider makes you pay […]
You spend your whole life trying to please people, but in the end the person you need to be pleasing is yourself. With me its different I try to make people happy and I try to please everyone and I know I cant please everyone but I try. My whole life I have felt like I am not worth it I have been told by people that I was just a mistake and that I am not worth it and that I should just go die. Well guess what they got into my head all the time I stayed strong for my family and I […]
for years now i’ve been a zombie with one though on my mind
one cold endearing constant thought through the good times and the bad it remains lingering in my mind like the stale smell of smoke in the room around me.
everyday i wake up i wish that i hadn’t and when i go back to sleep i wish never to wake again
a useless ****** like me doesn’t deserve to live anyways i just wish it were easier to do
i know i can get help and i know that things can get better with effort but i also don’t care i dont want things to get […]
Is it just me but talking to psychiatrist or counsellor or anybody doesn’t help… They just give you pills and everything will be “okay”. I haven’t talked to anyone about my depression and social anxieties in person, only on here as I feel people are more understanding… Since they experienced before. I find its better to type what you feel instead in person. If I tell them about my depression and social anxieties, they bound to say “get over it”, “stop being pessimistic”, “go see the doctor”…etc.*sigh* if only…. If only…. I have one wish…. Maybe life would be easier. …. I’ll probably be happier. […]
I’ve been fighting with this stupid depression for over a year. Now that I managed to feel better, with a lot of work and dedication, everybody around me is falling down. I got 3 friends who suddenly want to die. One of them is at the hospital right now, for it. This is weird. I don’t want to lose them. I’m probably the best person to understand them, and help, but I don’t really know how to. I don’t really know exactly what made ME feel better. Just pills, therapy and taking some risks.
This is a mad world. Really. I thought I wasn’t strong enough. […]
I was in a chatroom on social media
and i saw those words
‘i feel like dying’
shit
thats not what the website is for
so i tell them
‘call the suicide hotline’
they disregard me
a person message
‘stoop her’
stoop her?
im so confused now
‘stop her,shes my girlfriend’
shit
what am i supposed to do now?
so i set up a little personal package
dont die
suicidal numbers
truths
sigh
send
there
i fixed everything,right?
10 minutes
30
nothing
Wait–
Something!
‘Has she responded yet’
Oh
No
And now im going back
To that one place
That one place where i
pull my hair
and cant breathe
and feel like letting it all out
literally
just opening my mouth and letting my organs flow
a shake and heave
and start my same habit in a different place
and think about […]
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