General

I am so sick and tired of complaining and still being here trying to cope with all the emotional pain and suffering every day. I can’t even do my academic work because I’m so depressed and I just don’t feel like achieving shit anymore. I’m so fucking tired of the fact that I can’t make any friends because of my attitude that comes from depression and suicidal thoughts as well as anxiety.  I am SO fucking not okay with my distant girlfriend who constantly goes on about how she’s out with her friends and I have to lie to her telling her that I’m meeting […]

I’ve tried to kill myself 4 times. But nobody knows about it. And i’m too scared to tell ANYONE. I’ve gotten so close to death that i’ve even written suicide letters. I’m just so…depressed and i’ve been told i am a disappointment to my mother. i feel worthless and i need someone. Anyone out there?

I got clean and sober 3+ years ago, with that came some blessings but it also revealed my nightmares.  Now that I am not numbing myself out anymore I get to deal with all these feelings and embarassing moments like freaking out when I hear a child scream (even if they are playing) or not able to go celebrate the 4th of July with friends because I cannot handle the fireworks.  I found a “family” in the 12 step program that I am in, my real family disowned because I came out as a lesbian.  Now my 12 step family feels distant too.  I feel […]

My birth mom has never wanted me. She has made that clear. My stepmom stepped in and has been a mom figure. She said she loved me. She said i was one of her kids. Then she stopped talking to me. Im on a trip with them this weekend as a last goodbye. Please pray i jave the courage to finally kill myself sunday. I have chickened out every time amd its time.i thought i finally had a mom. How stupid was i for thinking for a moment i was lovable.ha

i dont like people staring at me it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Where did it start?
That is the questions that run through many minds. And really I have no answer, so many events lead up to the eventual tipping point all is lost in translation.
For many the beginning comes shortly before the end, where as mine goes all the way back to the start of my existence.
Oh how the mother and father were so happy to procreate and bring life into this filth ridden world we all call home, with the diseases and plagues walking the street. Vile dissension so thick it suffocates all those involved. How society loves to paint this as normal.

Sometimes I wonder why I woke up a year ago. I have just been having a really hard time lately. And I don’t know if I’m just overly obsessing over dying or what. It’s not like I want to try to kill myself. Well I do sometimes. I just wish I hadn’t woke up alive a year ago. I know that good things have happened this past year and I recognize everything I have in my life so why do I still think that? I just feel lost. And I’m taking my medicine like I should be. Why isn’t it working any more? It’s frustrating. […]

The storm that had once raged inside me has finally come to an end. And I’m finally happy with my life again. But I lost something. It’s not completely gone but it’s not as strong as it was before neither. I’m a little unsatisfied to say that I lost quite some faith in God. I’m a happy young adult again but I want to believe in him, I need to. I don’t know exactly why my faith in him has weakened. Perhaps it’s because I think a lot about him sometimes. A little too much in the perspective of science. I don’t know if he […]

I just read ‘Crash Into Me’ by Albert Borris. It’s a teen novel about 4 teens who make a suicide pact and go on a roadtrip around the US. Whilst the ending was pretty predictable, I thought the author got so much of it so completely right, about how a lot of the time all you want is for the pain to stop and for people to actively want to keep you around, about how suicidal people can speak and sometimes even joke about destroying themselves pretty casually a lot of the time, about how it can be so hard to even care enough to […]

Lost all hope,happiness never lasts.

No more strawberries,bikes,sun,cakes…

No more smiles,jokes,trains,wet grass…

No more lighs,books,no more mistakes…

I’ve failed again,Please someone get me out of here.In that moment I have not had enough courage.I’m still questioning myself : How could I be such a fool?

I believed in everything, promises, love, and also that my life would get better, I really did.

God just seem to cross his arms and turn his back,and I won’t struggle,I refuse to make any effort,I refuse to give the first step.

I wish I were brave to proceed.because I finally found love,a lovely guy,he loves me,and we make cute gay couple,unfortunately his love isn’t enough to make me wanna live.Damn, being alive is like punishment for me,and yes,I do […]

Have you ever been in counseling? Seen a psychiatrist? Taken medication? Did it give you clarity or did it make things worse?

I have devoted 10 years on and off to therapy, medication, blood testing, the consequent weight gain ans loss cycle… I guess I mean, at what point do you say “Enough”? It’s obvious I cannot function without the meds. I try to wean myself off them and without fail a year later I am ready to blow my brains out. I can function reasonably on meds but then I know it’s a medically induced state of mind and that without it I would do […]

i wonder what its like to do suicide.

just thinking makes me want to do it, everyday

is the same you never know what might happen,

i lost my best friend because he commitied suicide

i want to follow him ever since i was 10 i wanted to

die. Why me? why do i feel so upset all the time,

i have brill friends and family but im a waste of space

no- one needs a broken friend or daughter.

why me? why did i have to get beaten and get broken

to the girl i am today im only 14 and ready to die

this is my story but i dont want it to […]

Am wanting someone to correspond with regarding ideas on the best way out.  If you are located in Sydney, that would be wonderful.  Would really love the reassurance of knowing if worse comes to worse, I have a practical plan to put myself out of my misery.  Can’t get guns in Australia or the drug used to put down animals that can sometimes be sourced from Mexico is pretty much impossible to get here.  Other options I have read about are Propoxyphene (Darvon, Doloxene, Depronal (Digesic /Darvocet no good)) which can’t seem to order online with no prescription or Amitriptyline (Endep or Elavil) which on the […]

ive wanted to kill my self i have failed how do i make sure i die?