General

i need someone to talk to. i said in one of my previous posts that i made myself a promise to basically make myself be happier. now i seem and feel happier. most of the time.

since i seem happier, nobody really believes there is anything wrong with me anymore. nobody seems to care because nobody thinks i really have a problem.

i cry as soon as i get home because i like people thinking i am happy. last year i was just a sort-of known girl who didnt sayt alot . i didnt make a mark on anyones lives. no one would look back and say, […]

Some Japanese songs, I find, have the most beautiful words in the world…

“Do you remember the other day, the day we saw the scarlet sky?

We made a promise on that day, as the early summer wind circled us.

You forgot that other day, didn’t you?

The promise we made that way only disappeared into the summer wind.

You’ll remember that day we saw the scarlet sky, won’t you?

We accept this lie and walk forward together.” – Uso, by SID

“Why is the sky so blue, as if it knew no sadness?

It only crumbles away towards tomorrow

Without hesitation.

Up in the sky, the wind sings

I had a dream

People will find

Happiness

Or so […]

I have seizures constantly. I can never sleep now. Both of these things are driving me insane.

My family has always been pretty useless and only really cares about themselves. They do the bare bones minimum. I want nothing to do with them, not after all the stuff they put me through. Not after all the countless days I had to have seizures alone while they just did nothing.

Now I am bed ridden most of the day and night. I am slipping more and more. I have no idea how long I can physically or mentally hold up. I cant justify why I should live. No […]

It has been 14 days and I miss you bro! I respect your decision, but still don’t understand “why”….

I know the love, I know the hate.
I see the pain that I can create
Ive been low, ive ran on slow
I have no place to call my home
I have no friends I have nobody
I create the sadness that resides in side me
I did not come from a happy home
Ive been alone with no place to go
But to create is my escape
To just site down and interlace
The hands of time with my corrupt mind
To spew out whatever I happen to find
I write because its all I own
This block of mind inside my soul

Life is complicated and confusing. It’s filled with so much beauty and joy but buckets of pain. So much love but so much sadness. There is no escaping save for sleep. So if you are feeling like you’re ending is inevitable (which it is) and you may as well just pack it all in yourself (don’t) then put on your favorite song or go to your favorite place, and sleep. Be it in your car in a dead end somewhere, a park, under a bridge, on a roof. Just sleep. Don’t expect to feel better or worse when you wake up. Just let yourself rest. […]

“Life helps those who help themselves.”

Everyone says, “it’s all in your hands.”

“Only you can help yourself.”

What if I can’t help myself?

I’ve tried, but I just can’t.

Those who made this possible, Thank You .

Also thanks to society for having betrayed me and other people like me.
Fuck. You.

It’s been a long time.

Maybe I was trying to convince myself that I am better.

Life is better. But I am not. Does it even make sense?