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General

For general topics related to the site.

what i want.

by b1urr 5/2/2013

written by b1urr

i want to cut severely deep.
i want to hit myself with the hardest things, as hard as i can.
i want to drown in my tub with heavy rocks holding me down.
i want to never speak again.
i want to take all the pills i can find.
i want to purge until my throat is raw.
i want to never eat again.
i want to say good bye and mean it.
i want my body to fail me.
i want the blood to keep pouring.
i want the darkness to eat me alive.

pulling me further and further down.

i will be no more.

nothing.

gone.

if only […]

5/2/2013 2 comments

What’s death like?

by just a guy 5/2/2013

written by just a guy

I’ve been pondering this question since my time is near.Â Of course no one knows for certain, but I think a certain blogger had the most likely description.

Time existed before you were born, other people lived and died before you were born, and other people will be born after you are dead.Â One has no memory of anything before they were born (of course folks will claim to be someone in a past life, but people imagine all sorts of stuff).Â Before you were born will be like it is after you die.Â You won’t have any memories or consciousness that goes on.Â In other […]

5/2/2013 1 comment

Where I Am Now

by IWBF 5/2/2013

written by IWBF

I have been on a journey now for a few years. A journey of self-discovery is the way I like to think of it now. I began on my path through tragedy. My initial methods for dealing with this were vast; anger, denial, suppression – the usual, I think. It was only after a second life-altering event that I began to heal properly. Again, not right away. I was led into a darker existence, but I believe it has led me through to a better place now. I gave up on trying to ignore the immensely negative thoughts I had been having all along. I […]

5/2/2013 1 comment

Point?

by alone_in_a_sea_of_people 5/2/2013

written by alone_in_a_sea_of_people

I am 26, male. Let me preface this by saying that I am relatively intelligent (B.S. Physics), relatively attractive, and from the outside, it appears that my life is going well. All is not well. I have struggled with depression for over a decade now and sometimes it feels like I am smart enough to out-think it, beat it, but it always comes back to haunt me.

I have thought of all the possibilities, I wish I could hand my life off to someone more deserving. I should be happy! I have a stable job, a great roommate, and vitality that […]

5/2/2013 8 comments

i fell asleep……

by greatpretender 5/1/2013

written by greatpretender

my friend took his own life on march 18, 2013. he gambled with his own life as he spun the cylinder to his prized .45 revolver, looked dead into his best friend’s eyes and pulled the trigger… he had a 1 in 6 chance of death and he took that- he left no warnings before hand… i dont think he thought it would go off… Â but it did… and now he’s gone…….. he thought he had no one but his best friend- and even then, he knew he was gonna move in with his girlfriend and Robert would be homeless and living in his […]

5/1/2013 10 comments

Death In Solitude

by Ichise8 5/1/2013

written by Ichise8

“I don’t understand why we must do things in this world, why we must have friends and aspirations, hopes and dreams. Wouldn’t it be better to retreat to a faraway corner of the world, where all its noise and complications would be heard no more? Then we could renounce culture and ambitions; we would lose everything and gain nothing; for what is there to be gained from this world? There are people to whom gain is unimportant, who are hopelessly unhappy and lonely. We are so closed to one another! And yet, were we to be totally open to each other, reading into the depths […]

5/1/2013 1 comment

sobriety is for quitters

by kristink 5/1/2013

written by kristink

well it hasn’t been a whole day on a new dose and i have been naughty already. one is not supposed to drink alcohol while taking a certain anti-depressant that starts with a c. we went out to eat and i had a couple of drinks. interesting that my heart started hurting. like it was being squeezed or something. that was after2 drinks. guess i probably should not find out what a bender feels like. of course i was also indulging in other things as well. expecting me to embrace total sobriety is a waste of time. it is not likely to happen anytime soon. […]

5/1/2013 7 comments

Anywhere but here.

by FakeSmilesRight 5/1/2013

written by FakeSmilesRight

So I’mÂ 14, I know too young to be feeling this way. But I have no confidence I cant stand looking in the mirror I hate myself. I’ve been breaking down a lot, nothing but crying thisÂ isn’t the first time but its never been this bad. I literally have been having suicidal thoughts everyday, its gotten to the point to where I almost started crying in school today. I barely started cutting again. I had stopped in like November-ish of last year I think. But its been awhileÂ and I started up again like in April I think. I’ve written so many suicide letters its ridiculous. […]

5/1/2013 3 comments

Feeling Lonely

by hopefuldreamer 5/1/2013

written by hopefuldreamer

I feel extremely lonely and the worst part about it is that I don’t like getting to know people. I don’t know what’s wrong with me . I do talk to people but I don’t really open up about my problems and whenever I keep saying I need someone I feel like I’m annoying someone. I don’t think anything gets better

5/1/2013 6 comments

My heart danced a little today

by DawgMom 5/1/2013

written by DawgMom

So, the morning didn’t go too well but that’s a given these days so blah, blah. I went outside to mow the lawn. Christ, is was hot. I checked my mail first – the box was crammed full – I have no idea when I checked it last. So, I finally get to the backyard with my mowing and I am so dehydrated because, well, I think I’ve been forgetting to eat / drink and I think, ‘God, I could die. Yeah, oh, freaking please let me keel over from heatstroke’. No such luck but I did decide to get a Medical Alert Bracelet […]

5/1/2013 4 comments

Sometimes you just don’t belong…(The hours)

by ChristinaRene 5/1/2013

written by ChristinaRene

Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we canâ€™t go through another of these terrible times and I shanâ€™t recover this time. I begin to hear voices and canâ€™t concentrate. So Iâ€™m doing what seems to be the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I know that Iâ€™m spoiling your life and without me you could work, and you will, I know. You see, I canâ€™t even write this properly. What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my […]

5/1/2013 0 comment

i just dont know

by bullied123 5/1/2013

written by bullied123

I just dont know why i cant get the words out of my mind. I cant forget anything. I remember every single word or name i was called. I remember every punch. I still have the feeling of being terrified every day to do anything and being worried ill do it wrong and disappoint someone. My mind i slowly killing me and its winning. I cant fight for much longer. I hate more when i don’t know a answer to a question. i cant handle being so weak and stupid. I hate when anybody is disappointed in me. I hate me. I cry when […]

5/1/2013 2 comments

Can’t take it anymore and can’t escape it.

by Akuin 5/1/2013

written by Akuin

I just need to get it out. I’m 30 in July. I’ve never once had a job. I’m mentally disabled but can’t get on disability. Everyone treats me like I’m trash not worth helping. I’ve been bullied all through school, treated like I’m scum by the government, and my own family looks at me with contempt.

All I do anymore is sit and cry. When I try to talk to anyone it’s always “What do you have to be depressed about.” I can’t afford to get help, the government keeps denying me help because my parents aren’t complete assholes, and every place I apply to looks […]

5/1/2013 0 comment

Be my friend…

by fallenangel33 5/1/2013

written by fallenangel33

I’ve given up all of my hopes, all of my dreams and all of my love. All I wanted was a friend to be there for me and stand up for me…someone to care. But now I only want one thing.

And I have nothing left to lose.

5/1/2013 9 comments

Everything I’ve done has been made meaningless…

by z80 5/1/2013

written by z80

I told my parents that I am bipolar-2 and that they must not tell anybody in the family or outside the family before I explain what that means. Â People think bipolar = crazy, schizophrenic, split personality, criminal, nuts… Â you get the idea. Â These types of labels pretty much sink a person’s life completely.

Nobody wants to hire you. Â No one that was in your social circle would be a recommendation. Â No job prospects. Â Not money. Â No lady wants to be with a man who cannot even get a job. Â Family throws you out because they think that the reason you can’t find a job is because […]

5/1/2013 4 comments

Why should I live? Taking all suggestions

by cyanidesofmarch 5/1/2013

written by cyanidesofmarch

My family hates me and I hate them.
I have no job.
I have 1 friend, but I am rapidly bringing her down to my level.
My purpose in life just got smashed. I realized it’s a lie and I’ve wasted my entire life on it.
I am not afraid of death. Death is the only thought that comforts me.
If there is a god, I want to meet it so I can kick its ass.
I am in physical pain 24hours/day from an accident.
My insurance runs out soon and I won’t get any more physical therapy or pain meds.
I am getting evicted […]

5/1/2013 3 comments

Depression

by AbstractThought 5/1/2013

written by AbstractThought

Where does depression come from? Is it an imbalance in the brain or is just our imagination filtered through our past, present or our future?

5/1/2013 6 comments

Dizzy… and Dead Like Me

by DawgMom 5/1/2013

written by DawgMom

I can’t sleep. Nightmares. And, I am so freaking dizzy right now. Sometimes I feel funny – like floaty. Suck it up, girl. Geeez.

Today is the day I’ll be seeing someone I haven’t seen in months – a bright spot in my day. Then, off to the bank to put my BFFs name on my account. I want her to have control so that she can take care of my dogs. I’ve left everything to her but I’ve read that you should still put things like that in people’s names so that the vultures you don’t want to have anything (even if you have a […]

5/1/2013 3 comments

by Sam 5/1/2013

written by Sam

I might have a problem with drinking but you would to if you felt the way I do. I hope that everyone is doing good tonight. I’ve been crying for a long time now. I can barley breathe I think life is really getting pointless. I can’t be happy and no nothing gets better with time. No one willÂ trulyÂ understand me and no one cares to. I don’t even understand why I want someone to. I wish people would just stop and think about the things they say or do. I feel like there is no one out there.

5/1/2013 8 comments

nothings changed

by passionfruit3 5/1/2013

written by passionfruit3

Im trying hard to be the best person i can be but my thoughts are elsewere.Elsewere as in on suicide.I dont even have a good reason for wanting die.But i cant stop thinking about dying.i want my thoughts to quiet down.So i dont have to keep doing this.But right now i have this urge that just keeps saying do it.do it..Its not voices rather a feeling.Its night here so im especially tempted to drink the bottle of pine sol.I dont think im going too.But its very hard not to at the same time.My therapist is threatening to lock me away somewere permenately if i […]

5/1/2013 0 comment

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