For general topics related to the site.
Time to wake up and put on my fake smile
Time to pretend like everything is okay
Maybe today somebody will see my smile falter
But if not it’s okay. I’m use to being overlooked.
Category:
General
The words of Job taunt me: ”What is my strength, that i should wait? And what is my end, that i should be patient?”
My life is not worth living, but Jesus, Yours is.
What is it in me that You see,
wouldn’t it be for the benefit of everyone when i would be gone?
Can’t You see all the wrong i have done?
My life is not my own, this i know,
You promised to wash me white as snow.
But the exact opposite is what i feel,
the enemy has gotten a hold of me.
To Jesus only i will bow down,
i will […]
My words fall on deaf ears everywhere I go. At home, at work, to my (former) girlfriend, everywhere. It was foolish for me to think it would be any different on a chatroom. Or even here.
I am truly in love with the man i let go. I let him go because i felt like i knew i just didnt love him anymore. Two years of bliss and i let it all go. We fought a lot. He was a marine, 6 states away from me. We had an apt together where he never really was able to enjoy. He was supposed to come home to me and we were to have a future together but i let it all go. He told me i would regret it and at the time i was sure to let him go.
Ive been battling […]
So i found the hand gun i knew the old man had. im not into guns cause i have morals against them so i dont work them well but i know it well enough to shoot. so i cocked the gun and couldnt figure out how to fix it without shooting it so i had to take it outside and shoot it. powerful little thing. crush my skull good! so ive been really thinking about using it to end my life soon. but i guess im scared to do it. i dont know why. i cant find anything worth staying alive for. being dead sounds […]
This may be an odd question. Hell, even I think it’s odd. You’ve been forewarned.
I have been (and I can only assume others have as well) on this do-I-really-want-to-die-or-not kick recently. God that sounds pathetic. I go through periods of ready, willing, and able, just deciding on a good time and place then back to I don’t want to hurt those I care about before once again planning. I once went to a therapist. She said she couldn’t help until I decided if I was willing to stay alive and actively participate. Yet how does one decide that? What thought processes does one go through in […]
You told me to give you my trust and that you’d help..You told me expressing expressing myself and talking about this summer would help..you said you wouldn’t tell.Ive spent the past two months pouring myself out and honestly all you’ve done is tear me apart..You told my parents everything..You told them I was crazy..They’ve tooken about everything..I swear Lindsey’s the only thing keeping me going right now…you take the credit for saving my life but she’s the one who was there for me when things were crashing!You are just another example of why I don’t trust your just like the rest….You burnt those letters I […]
I’m 17 years old and my mom is getting remarried for the 3rd time in 3 days. I hardly know the guy. He’s moving into our home and i’m  not thrilled. step parents always try and act like they’re your own parents and it’s bullshit. My dad is the only one who understands me. ONLY one.  He’s on drugs as always, who knows where.  I’ve had depression and wanted to kill myself ever since summer after 5th grade. I still don’t know what caused it. Probably just the manic depression,anxiety and bipolar that runs in both sides of my family finally kicked in my system. […]
Once I was happy,
Full of laughter and cheer,
So sometimes I wonder
How I ended up here.
Life just seems grim,
And I don’t want to try,
Everyday I go home,
I sit down and cry.
You made it worse,
Your  teasing and fun,
I was ready to give up,
And admit you had won.
But instead I pushed on,
Didn’t want to let go,
Didn’t want to give up.
But how could you know?
You didn’t know,
Because I wouldn’t talk,
Open-mouthed you’d stare,
As I struggled to walk.
No one would help,
But you couldn’t see.
Inside I was crying,
For you to help me.
But why should you notice?
Why should you care?
I bet you couldn’t tell,
If I vanished, into thin air.
You didn’t see,
How bad I […]
after what seems like a week from hell, and another week of hell sure to come, a silver lining has appeared, I got approval for my senior research project, rejoice? in other words keep ur head up things happen for a reason!
My mother is terrible to me and I have no social life where I am. I am basically raising my younger sister and my mom doesn’t give two shits about me. I want to die, but I don’t want my sister to have post tramatic stress disorder. I want to die so bad. I hate everything. It has come to the point where sometime I haven’t eaten for weeks at a time. I need death. I would indulge myself with death before someone could care.
I feel desolate. My mind has lost all of the positive light it had gained within the past 2 weeks. Well, I’m here again, at the same place I was a few years ago. I’m supposedly back on the right path, doing everything right or so they say. I’m constantly busy, tired, and thoroughly occupied each day. Between work, school, and training for my next racing season, you’d think there wouldn’t be any time for my depression to suffocate me, right? Wrong. I’ve been suffering so badly lately and I’m sure it’s only going to get worse as the holidays are circling around me. I […]
My “friends” forgot my birthday. The party was Saturday  There was so much homework I didn’t get to do anything  but cry and in gonna fail the math test. Von I’m not cuz I’m not gonna take it  by
bye
hi, so.. hm.. i cut since 16/02/2012. And when i was 9 years i was rapped, and when i was 12 my house burned on fire. I lost everything, i lost my hope, lost my pictures, my dresses, my shoes. Everything.
March, 13th 2012, i tried suicide for the first time. since, i tried more 5 times.
i’m scared.
My back hurts. My head hurts. I feel like I might vomit. My life feels so boring no matter what my shrink says. I wish I was in 19someting movie. My scalp iches. I wish I was so nieve and care-less. Maybe I’m just very pessimistic. Where’s my gold ticket, and the green haired migits?
Where’s Cindy Lauper singing about my friends and having a adventure?
Where’s my duckie and my rich kid crush? And where is the alian I found in my back yard?
Where is the romance and the other friends I met in books? I don’t think I’m sad,mad..not even numb […]
My friends have been telling me to get on here for months. But if nobody cares to look or respond then why bother. Nothing helps I’m already broken beyond repair. Not even friends bither. But Why do my friends have to be so hipocritical as to tell me I need help then not even care to try to make things better?
When I was 7 y.o.,I am 45 now,a deer in a full sprint almost ran me over during a walk I took along a path during a family reunion in a Pennsylvania park.I could feel the course hair rub up against my stomach.So close to death,but not near enough so that I would of had the “eternal bliss’ that would of been  given me.When  I was an evangelical christian ,I thought that God had a special purpose for my life because of this incident.What a foolish thing to believe on my part.I wish that I was 2 more inches ahead so that deer would of wasted […]
Why cant things be like they were when I wasn’t depressed. When j could have worry free fun with friends. When I could be care free. When both me and my friends were happy? On the bus today I was asked who I like better, my abusive ex-stepfather or my verbally abusive psychotic mother. I picked my stepfather in an instant. That answer didn’t even shock me. I’m not sure why. It should. Either way life is hell and its not getting better. But does anyone care to help me? No.
ive been doing some thinking lately, which isnt really normal for me. im usually impulsive, which isnt good since its got me where im at today.
but i dont really think im suicidal, more like i just want to stop existing in this world. and the only way to escape it is to die. but i think i would still be the same way i am now, even if life had dealt me a different hand. i would always feel lonely, even if i was surrounded by people. i just feel like im different, everything im into or not into doesnt fit the fold. everything i […]
I’ve been thinking about you today. How are you doing? How was your day? Were you able to talk to your kids today? Stay strong!