General

Today I was cursed out and yelled at very aggressively by a client. For some reason that set me off today. It usually does not upset me like it did today… but I just don’t want to keep living. I’m invisible to everyone around me at work. They are happy if I get my work done. I want to to cry, and no tears come. I’ve been e-mailing and calling friends for support… but that only helps so much, then I end up back on here again typing about feeling suicidal, depressed, exhausted, etc. I feel alone. I wait on pins and needles for an […]

Hello guys,

im here again with my problems :]

If You remember my last suffers it was by love.. alone and alone.. 4 years i was in love with my friend.. i divorced with my bf on spring and had very lonely summer.. Well autumn always bring me some adventures.. Always.

So after 4 years suffering and loving one of my best friends, i call him Love.. after half year deleting me from his life – we finally met. We sat, took lots of alcohol and were talking like always: from 19 p.m. to 5 a.m. 🙂 then he said for me thngs i was waiting all of […]

“I know I don’t say it or show it enough but I care…” I get confused…if they cared then why would they leave me to worry? Or why…do they say they don’t care about anyone?…Do they care or do they not? Do they trust me or do they not? I hate how I get confused, I want to know, I ask them but they give me the same answer every time. “…If I didn’t care would I be here?”

All my life i was never good enough. i was too slow, to quiet, too black, too something. no one wanted to be my friend no one wanted to be my family. my mom was only there financially but she never showed me physical love. my dad wasnt there. and i had two other siblings that lived with me and yet didnt wanna be bothered with me. i seeked attention from guys. ended up having mutliple sex partners just to feel loved. in the end they all left me where i started alone. i ended up being molested by my moms ex and she resented […]

I always used knives, more painful because the teeth of them pulled at my skin. But no matter how hard I would press they wouldn’t cut very deeply. Now I’m wondering about a razor blade…cutters always use those…but why? Is it easier? it looks like it. No effort to break the skin, to go deep. I’m thinking about going out and buying one and trying it

growing up all I ever heard was how lazy, ugly and dirty I was. I was told that reading books, the one way I had dealt with my depression since age 9, were bad. I thought it was normal to wake up everyday before school and cry and feel this deep opening of pain in my chest. The sadness is actually painful for me, I feel the whole widening, wanting to swallow me. It has no bottom to it, as soon as I don’t think I could feel any more pain I feel more. But a child shouldn’t feel like that. I graduated with honors, […]

this may sound mean and evil. but ive been wishing for someone around me to die, so that i can finally have a reason to fall into depression. I hear you dont feel anything there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyn6qcQt3QA

I love that song so much. I doubt any of you will the take the time to listen to it though, Maybe when I’m gone? A beautiful little reminder of the not so beautiful Natalya….

Damn those full stops  Fucking OCD. Speaking of which, Today I nearly shouted at the air to stop touching me. I physically had to stop myself. This started when I looked up the side effects of the Anti-depressant I have been prescribed. I had a ‘mini’ (Lol) Breakdown and developed a small fear of people touching me. I avoided everyone last lesson and walking home…. Which was kinda hard considering I […]

The times when you’re in public and you can feel the tears coming and knowing that you can’t cry in front of your friends because they stopped caring months ago. Knowing that I’m literally the only one who still knows that I want to die. They don’t care. No one cares. I want more than anything on this planet to die. I sit in bed at night hoping, praying to a god that I don’t believe in that I will be hit by a truck or get terminal cancer so I don’t have to be blamed for my own death. I want this endless suffering […]

There, I just wanted to say that ‘out loud’.

You know when people ask you “how are you” (something that happens all the time) and you all you can say is fine/not too bad/I’ve got a cold? Well, what I want to say is that I feel awful. I have a growing sense of hopelessness/helplessness/self-loathing  and it’s swallowing me up – suicidal thoughts are with me more and more.

It’s not imminent yet but I feel like I’m orbiting a black hole and it’s a matter of time.

Don’t you worry, don’t you worry child
See heaven’s got a plan for you
Don’t you worry, don’t you worry now
Yeah!

Read more: SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA – DON’T YOU WORRY CHILD LYRICS

I have seen www.metanoia.org/suicide/ about 4 or 5 years ago. Seen it 2 years later and i read it again today. Thoughts of killing myself are returning. I married 2 years ago and it’s going downhill about 6 months after i got married. My partner was always questioning my way of doing things, my likes, my passions. My being started to battle inside and i didn’t know what i must be or become to make others happy. I just want to be in my home alone. Dont want to talk to people. They always let me down. I’ve been taking depression pills about 1 year […]

Hello, Im Tasha Thomas. I’m 14 and a freshman in high school. One day I was walking to my locker and two girls (classmates) stopped and stared and laughed at me. I couldn’t think of what they were laughing about. They continued doing that the rest of the day. I used one of my coping skills and just ignored all of it. A week later I got a text from a random number. It said the word “cuts.” I ignored it and went to school and not just the two girls but all the girls just stared at me. I couldn’t help but walk away […]

I never realized how far I had fallen until I glanced at the table next to me, and there lay the razor I used to cut myself, the pen I shoved down my throat to vomit what little food I had, and the mostly empty bottle of vodka I had been drinking……..all in a row.

Ok i know this is long but can you PLEASE jusr read all of this and shoot me a comment? It doesnt have to be life changing or anything i just wanna be heard but i do prefer life hanging comments. Well jeres my awkward story. It probably doesnt make mucH sense but whatever.please help me.

It all just hurts. Ive been ignoring my depression for a long time and ive felt empty which is definitely better than depression. But then i heard one of my friends attempted suicide. I wanted to help, but when i got back into talking about it it was like i […]