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I want to die right now. Now. My boyfriend is so mean to me it drives me to suicide.
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So my plan was to have tons of sex before i die, i have had a lot so far, but hit a bump in the road, i have hpv.. (genital warts) and i always use protection during sex, thisis the first breakout ive had in 2 years.. ive tryed freezing them off, taking multi vitamins, and there healing now, so ive tryed to hang myself 3 times the past month, and oviously failed, but i have a new method, charcol gas grill, in my car, i know i will die soon, i guerentee it, mabe the next week, mabe next month, certintly before 2013, […]
This entry is somewhat of a re-cap of things I’ve posted before, but I feel that I can’t say it enough. I hope those of you who read this understand that I’m not preaching or exaggerating. On the contrary, I suggest you do your own research and make decisions based on your own findings. I believe that society has failed this generation far more than this generation has failed society. I believe that this culture is probably beyond repair and has been for quite some time. I believe it started at the dawn of civilization when man invented religion. Society condemns itself without question. The […]
Today was really good. Went way better than expected. So it’s just typical to come home and have that feeling destroyed. Walk through the front door to a grumpy brother and a sleeping mother. Great, Recipe for success. And then it just got worse.. And now i’m this. I don’t know what this is, but I am it.
I have a surprise maths exam tomorrow. Am I going to be able to do it? probably not, I fully expect to break down… At least they say I can write in pencil as it’s only a mock. I don’t know how much longer I can go on […]
i’m so scared. maybe my dad did see the knife in my school bag, that was lodged into my maths book. i’m really scared. i’m not up for my parents confronting me.
i think i am most ready to leave this world, when i am alone. when  i’m at school, when i’m walking through a shopping centre, because they’re all strangers, and when i’m home alone. if anyone was to ever witness the things i do when i am alone, i would fear their judgement, and some mysterious way, i would hurt myself enough to never return.
every fucking time my dad tries to empathise with me, when i tell him i am having a hard time at school, he tells me “walk away and stop starting shit.” i cannot believe the people that are biologically programmed to love me. do they even care? its not like i tell them shit about my life, i just say it like it is. and wen i ask them, have you ever been bullied, were you ever the bully? they reply with no so how the fuck do they expect to understand when they haven’t gone through shit. i hate my fucking disfunctional life. as […]
i had the worst time sleeping last night, i woke up every hour I had a headache and i was feeling like i wanted to puke all night i am shaking today i have dry mouth all because of my attempt i made yesterday… i want to rip my hair out and scream i can’t stand it… i want to die but all that happens is we are sick then dying when we try to commit suicide……….
I feel lost and alone no matter where i turn..someone once told me dat god gives d toughest struggles the strongest..but im tired of fighting, im tired of pushing back, i just don’t have it in me anymore.. maybe if life was different..but its not.. Im in never ending cycle.. My one wish is to go to bed 2night..and never wake up..
If you feel like suicide because of how life is, I understand. This world is full of liars and corruption, people telling you that your problems are self created, and that you are somehow too lazy or unwilling to fix them. This is untrue. Since you were born, the NEW WORLD ORDER has sought to indoctrinate you, through TV, school, and even the radio. Everything works opposite to what it should. The wars of the world all happen by design, to allow the filthy rich and powerful to profit. 9-11, JFK murder, and the London bombings were inside jobs. If anything, fight the NEW WORLD […]
Well I’m 14 years old, my name is Elise. If I go from the start it will be the longest story ever so I won’t, but my dad left us for no reason at all about 2 years ago. We dont have any contact with him whatsoever, its been about 9 months now, my mum got sick and was in hospital for 3 months neither dad or his family looked after my sister and I during that time so we stayed with friends which was horrible.
This year I started self harming and am now considering suicide. I planned it and all, I see a counsellor […]
Death.d truth is that.wen she left,i felt that death wld be my last resort.but guess what?i paid no visit to the reaper.i stand strong today.broke as i am.with a better girl in mind.
As I was reading an article about a particular monster of recent events who should not be named, something a former teacher of his said about him got to me. Selfish much? Well anyway. The teacher said that despite getting A’s in difficult subjects he was a second rate student.
This is an enormous fear of mine. Despite getting good marks in school I always feel inadequate. Perhaps I too am a second rate student who just tests well.
Fuck.
I don’t want to die, but…
There are times, last night for example, when it’s all I can do to hang on to whatever I can to keep from doing something I can never take back. Those nights where the blackness has swirled up around me to grasp at my throat and just choke the life out of me.
It’s a difficult thing to explain, but I’ll do my best. Here’s how I’ve described it to my therapists.
It’s like there are two people inside of me. There’s me, and then there’s the dark me. We’ll call the ‘me’ that’s okay #1 and the dark me #2. #1 […]
While I share a variety of similar issues and reasons for being depressed than most of you here; I’ve recently come to realize that as time has gone by, one of the main reasons for me wanting to die has become, as shallow but sincere as it sounds: PRIDE. Yes. Before this crisis (I’ve had many) started I used to be looked up to and even though I paid a very high price to mantain an image of myself that wasn’t quite real, I felt semi-comfortable and semi-proud to be there. But now, ever since people have learned about my failure, the girl is no […]
i had been living alone for 6 years until i got a dui awhile back, which snapped the thin monetary thread id been hanging by, so i had to move in with my mom..i’m almost 30 and i am very lonely. im very short and not particularly good looking so im unable to attract a mate. and presently relized by being short, ugly, broke and living at home as well as kinda old and less experienced , that its very likely ill never meet anbody and be alone all my life(having a family was a big desire of mine). id been on many dating sites for […]
shhh I’m a cutter. Don’t tell. It’s socially unacceptable that I express pain.
Depression is like a tornado, there’s nothing you can do but sit and wait, and finally when the storm is over…you are left with the destruction. The scars on your body, the puffy eyes from crying, the exhaustion of fighting a losing battle. It’s consuming.
so now if i cut..my bf says he’ll hit me….WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! why does he acts like this…he used to help me stay on a positive path..now cuz of him…im crying now and i cry always…if i wasnt terrified of pissinghim off. id cut myself til i bleed to death…but my mind decides to live in emotional torture… i rather die.
I never planned to use a gun, CO poisioning was always my escape plan. I always thought drinking was why I was depressed, but since I stopped drinking, I started eating healthy and lost 30 lbs, but I still feel I’m not in control of my life, depressed, so I started drinking again. I have bought a few guns to prove to myself that I wouldn’t use them to end my life. I justify keeping one of them loaded in a locked box since my house has been broken into, but I know I like having that exit so close to me. It’s unlocked and right where I can […]