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I use to shiver at the thought of cutting myself, but your words cut right into me, sharper than a blade, I would know, because I’ve felt the blade pierce my skin, but it was all numb. Where was the hurt I should feel as I watched the blood drip down my arm. Worthless. I may be numb on the outside, but the inside is constant pain, when will it stop. I stare in tears as I watch drops of worthlessness drain from my body. Until there is nothing more to drop.
You know I don’t know if I consider myself necessarily suicidal so some of you may think that I’m misusing this website, but I am just so tired. So god damn tired of everything. I’m tired of being strong and putting a smile on my face when I don’t want to, I’m tired of being called a “cold *****” even if it is a joke. I just wish (and i know it is a long shot) but I wish my parents loved each other as much as they love me. They fight and he throws things at her and stomps out of the house and […]
so i haven’t really posted anything lately because life has been alright. my bestfriend and i don’t talk anymore. i still love him, i think i will always love him, but i couldn’t take it anymore. he told me to never look at him, because he doesn’t want people knowing he knows me. it’s fine though because i’m becoming stronger, and i’m on my road to recovery. i haven’t cut myself in almost two months, and i haven’t made myself throw up in a month and a half. i’m not happy, but i’m not depressed. i’m peaceful? i don’t really know how to explain my emotions, but […]
Weakly wandering through life
My facade fragily held together
By a smile and a happy face
But if you took the time to look
You’d see the tear streaming down my face
You’d see a heart filled with hate
If you only took the time to ask
You’d see the true pain
You’re perfect…all I can say is….it was enchanting to meet you <3
Sad to hear that Hip-hop mogul chris lighty has passed away from an apparent suicide,he was 44.This was a man that appeard to have everything,allot of friends,money but still wasnt happy REST IN PEACE troubled soul.
today after school i hung out with my friend lily she is really nice i met her in P.E i also hung out with my ex or bf or what ever he is we went back to her house and started drinking i just followed along because i did not know what to do it helped numb the pain… after i left they he stayed at her house and continue drinking the scotch she pulled out of her parents liquor cabinet… when i got home i started doing shots of vodka and i did some drinking while i was home by my self i almost […]
Ive had 3 unsucsesful attempts (obviosly) but soon shall i pass away some way, my 3 attemps were all in the past 45 days so i know im serious about dieN, hopefully in tge next week il be dead.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSgFCzGBjcg
GO!
To un-explain the unforgivable,
Drain all the blood and give the kids a show.
By streetlight this dark night,
A séance down below.
There’re things that I have done,
You never should ever know!
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
Who walks among the famous living dead,
Drowns all the boys and girls inside your bed.
And if you could talk to me,
Tell me if it’s so,
That all the good girls go to heaven.
Well, heaven knows
That without you is how I disappear,
In my past entries posted on this site, as well as my facebook page and my website: www.nolenthebeckoning.com, I have mentioned my belief in man’s evolution from fire. I have received quite a few derogatory replies. Most from people calling themselves christians. To those of you on this site who claim christianity, I do not wish to personally offend you, however it is of my opinion that christianity is one of the leading religions to plague mankind. Most of christian history is written in bigotry and the practice of condemning all others…and when there’s no others, condemn each other. As with many of my perceptions, […]
Why do people think it’s funny to tell you to go kill yourself. Someone told that to me today and I thought that it wasn’t going hurt me that bad, but it did. The voices in my head started screaming to go do it. I can’t make them go away and the worst part about it is that I was okay with dealing with my suicidal thought for a little while now and I just got sent back to the bottomless well that I can’t find away out of. No one where I am understands what I’m going through and it sucks that they don’t […]
People have called me selfish for feeling suicidal but really I am far from it. I have just thought about it and when I die I would like my donate my body to help other people who need the help. I have done pretty pathetic things in my time in order to lets say “make up” for things I fail at in life. I sleep with a dumbell or my little dog in order to make up for that loneliness I feel in my heart. My dog though is one of the things that keeps me alive. To see her little tail wagging when she […]
Have you ever just sat in your bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering what your doing here? Why your so depressed. If theres even a point to being here. Anyone else feel this way?
hi i have just joined 2 days ago and i feel better already. so the real problem is i can’t learn to love others because i don’t love myself. i don’t even know how to receive love. I’m 18 never had a girlfriend and only have kissed a girl once. i lost the chance to tell the love of my life that i like her a lot in high school. I’m in college now. 18 years of not loving myself has gone to shits for my personality. people see me as a immature fuck. so my final question is how do i kill myself without […]
my bf..ahh we fight through smiles and tears..so he finally talks to me and i attempt to fix things. apparently what i had to say hurt him deeply..now im lost…did i get it through to him not to fucking ignore me or did i push him away???? guess il find out eventually:/ so thats that, then school is ok not hell so thats a plus…except i need more friends.. like always i get looked at and or ignored..but im learning to not care anymore..sooo yeah happy but depressed which is causng me not to eat i havent eaten anything in 3days:/ starving but the sight […]
so i had school today… and this year since i started having panic attacks in july, i’ve been really stressed out in school because my anxiety kicks in when there is too much noise or too many people. i have been able to manage when it kicks in in the classroom, but today they decided to have a ‘pep rally’…that did not work out very well for me. i ended up having a panic attack and had to leave the gym.
I’m really, really sad.
But at the same time everything just seems so free right now. I just want to be free. I think I make believe too much. I pretend that I’m this girl who just has fun and doesn’t care and is free. The only time I’m free is when I’m intoxicated by alcohol and/or drugs.
That’s not ‘free’, That’s a prisoner. I’m a prisoner.
I think it’s getting serious again too but I dont know where or how to get help because of trust issues, And also the fact that
When I’m sad, I have no friends.
Now people think I’m happy […]
I have so many reasons to live my children who love me and the grandchildren they have and are giving me, a place to live and a job so why do i suffer from suicidal thoughts all the time .. I may have 7 children but does that mean i have been a good mother? and would they really miss me when i am gone? my kids are from 3 different fathers so what does that say about me as a person? why do i find it so hard to find someone i want to be with and be truly happy with? why does the […]
Well, ive had tons of sex, and plan on getting more before i pass away, i have alot of ppl who love me, and some who are inlove with me, but thats not enough, ive tryed 3 time this past month but hanging yourself is not easy, soo… i need to find a new way, i have ideas so i gotta do more research, i dont want to leave pain to the ppl who really love me, but im selfish and i dont really give a shit, this is my life, and i will live and die how i want to, im not scared […]
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