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All the people that know me think that I have a “good life” . Yes, I do have the “good life” yet I feel so unhappy and guilty living it. The parents who love me and who provide everything as much as they can and little brother I adore the most, even with them I feel somehow hopeless. I pity them. I pity myself even more. Theres nothing to badmouth about my life, I`m considered to be the luckiest kid because my parents dont do drugs, there is  roof over my head and food in my plate, good school, good clothes etc.
The friends who are not in […]
I have kind of an odd question.
First, let me preface that question with a little information. I have smoked on and off for the last three years. For the last year or so, it’s mostly been on. The reason I started was because I figured that it could replace some of my less-than-desirable hobbies (ie, cutting and burning myself). And surprisingly, it worked. That’s not to say I don’t still harm myself, but it’s definitely less often then before. I think it may be the combination of the calming effects of smoking and the fact that it is just a different (albiet long-term) means of […]
Lets just chat…..
On good days she feeds you with crumbs. You are irrelevant. You are only the host that carries the attention that she craves. She smiles at the ease with which you’ve flayed yourself open for her to take. She tosses you scraps of your own ignorance. The trail of hope  that keeps you coming back. She’ll peck until there is no more. You give because you know that if you stop, she will stop. She has no capacity to love. You have too much. You can only speak of the darkness in cliches. Your screams to God tearing through the sky like unholy devastation. Finding […]
She creeps up like a spider, and wants you deep inside her, She turns you into stone, A twisted little show….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
Sorry for the explicit title…..
but that basically sums it up, last year i got into ‘Sexting’ which is gross, i know. i was pressured into by a guy who i thought was a friend, and after a while i started to fall for him, i loved it when he messaged me first and we once even stayed up until five in the morning….That changed amazingly quickly, one day we were doing our thing and the next he got a girlfriend. That hurt.
It fucked me up.a lot. i kinda feel that those past events helped me to become the person i am today.
I feel so dirty and […]
Sometimes when your with people you love, they make you think that when your with them you can keep living and you could go on with the pain and just think of them. But when your by yourself the truth is, that they’re not there to make you think that. They won’t be there all the time. It’s not worth just waiting to be with someone o be happy. If your happy your happy without people also, you don’t have to depend of them. Sometimes i think i could do it, then when i really start to think, the truth is that i can not […]
First time postinq.Spoke to my social worker yesterday.I told that I was qonna overdose so I can leave this corrupted world,I told her not to tell my mom but you know yall can’t trust adults.I was stupid enouqh to trust her and well I just went to the hospital in december for depression and suicidal ideation!,now I’m qoinq aqain!I stayed there for six days last time but my social worker says Ima stay there for about two weeks now.It’s not to bad tho exepct for the qroup,there ssssoooo borinq and the sleepinq at nine,dude I’m freakinq seventeen not six!…..I’ve been readinq alot of stories on […]
Yesterday was Horrible! It marked an All Time Low for Me. I had never woke up and immediately wanted to die. I guess i didnt want to face reality yesterday. That was the 1st time that I actively reached out to someone for help. Its like I wanted to Kill myself but I kept finding reasons to live. From the time I woke up at 7am until around 11pm or midnight, I seriously battled those feelings. It was a Great fight, and the best thing is that I Won; I’m still here. To some, i just did the right thing,but they dont understand the chemical […]
Well i thought i was going ice skating but my friend canceled and said that he had other things to do
Well i guess im going oit to have some fun today with one of my friends hopefully it goes nice
Hey,
I do not know what to say really. I’ve been on the brink of suicide for quite a while I am very anxious so you may get confused while reading. I have been on this site since last year, and I am depressed. I have little energy to live. Now do me one favor. Please do not write comments such as “oh, everything will be better, just wait and see.” If you want to comment, please in form of advice, I am sick of sympathy. So I have lived in an Arab country my entire life. Everything started in kindergarten. I was in a German kindergarten, and I use to bully […]
ive thaught alot.. like i always do .. honestly.. all the times .. they hurt me.. all those men that took me for advantage.. its not me.. its not my fault.. i may have walked the bridge but i didnt jump.. they pushed me.. they should fall not me.. FUCK THEM .. LYING FUCKING IGNORANT STUPID PERVERTED.. NO GOOD IDIOTS…THEY SHOULD ALL GO TO FUCKING HELL FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS.. because … i did nothing rong i was just looking for somone to tell me i was beutiful and amazing.. i cant die over them.. i still hav so many years to live .. […]
I feel like I am being hounded. I have no-one to turn to or talk to. I feel like I have no purpose in life other than to cook brownies for my sister’s film crew or do the laundry for my family or some other menial household chore. I want to end this but haven’t the will to find a purpose outside of what I know. I hate the role I have as my family’s domestic servant. I want out. I have very little money and only a high school education. Getting a job is so hard because I can rarely remember all the stuff […]
a dark hole .. falling down ..
i miss the days ..she  was around..
shes still here but the feelings are gone..
a kind of love that didnt last long..
before had no reson no life to hold on..
i has torn apart at the very bottom..
scars that would never be forrgotton..
i hope you know you where my only reson..
my only hope .. only smile to beleve in
and even though.. its true you where taken ..
i hope you know you gave me heven…
your by best friend.. i know you care..
you numbed the pain i could not bare..
only you coud give me laughter..
and .. i know that where not right together..
but […]
today.. i left my facebook open.. my friend was
wondering how much i pade for a pop of extacy ..
my mother read it .. she flipped out..
so  i left home not wanting to go back..
i met up with my boyfriend .. and finally had my relese
i got cocane… but now sompthing dosnt feel right..
drugs are all i hav to live for..
((sorry that this is song long… p.s i hav the tendency to write “have” as “hav” and “back” as “bac” and “you” as “yu”))
I’m new to this site. The fact that I found it by accident or fate I hav no clue yet. I might as well start writing because it seems that it does help at least from what friends hav told me to do. I’m taking their advice to figure things out and try to help myself through things that I do go through and think negatively about.
Where to begin… well I hav tried to commit suicide before by cutting and taking […]
My family read my diary, which described all the details of my sadness and my wish to die. I am now on lock-down. They don’t want to leave me alone and I am being pushed toward hospitalization. I now have to move out of my sister’s house because she fears for her children’s safety, not really mine.
So,
I’m looking for a place to live, but I honestly want to be done with this. I have no where to go and no on wants to claim me. I’m pretty sure no one cares about me and the one person I thought I could count on made me […]