General

So this time i didn’t chicken out like all the other times, why didn’t i go through with it then?

well, for some reason i couldn’t fucking get it right and then my mother called me, then dad and granny, so i gave it one last chance, didn’t work, so i went back home, but i was so fucking high on sleeping pills i can’t remember what happened, i just remember i couldn’t walk straight.

Man, time goes by so fucking fast when you’re on sleeping pills, i started taking them at 12pm, and i was gonna be at the location at 1-1:30pm, but i got there […]

I have no idea what to do.  I’ve been thinking about my life a lot lately and how I’ve ended up where I am today, and I still can’t quite put my finger on it.  I was raised by my grandparents staring when I was just six months old.  I saw them as mom and dad and I called them mom and dad.  They provided me with everything I wanted: a safe, clean home, video games, great meals, vacations every March break, the list goes on.  My grandmother passed away in 2003 from lung cancer when I was 17.  After the funeral, my grandfather accused […]

family – intolerable; I’m changing my name and starting a new family line

friends – so close yet so far; I can be the best friend you ever had but I don’t see the point anymore as I don’t get anything out of camaraderie(besides cheap laughs). I know I’ll never be happy like my friends are and it puts a strain on relations. Listening to them complain about relationships and other aspects of human life that I have no access to leaves me feeling dead and angry inside.

co-workers – the only people I wear a mask around; I changed jobs, started the new one this week […]

We are the misfit toys, and this site is our Island of Misfit Toys. Maybe we can find the right tools here. Maybe we can find the right connections, or maybe we are kidding ourselves. I was too scared to go to work sober today. I am too scared to do anything sober really. I have to escape. The reality of it all is just a little more than I can bare. I hate feeling that way… helpless. How did I let this happen? I was always so careful.

I pray and dream of only one thing and that is to fall.
I want to fall from that edge so high.
I want to feel that moment of peace that passes through me as im in the air.
I want to feel that single moment of pain as my body hits the ground.
I want to die..
If i survive this then i will know that God really does hate me..

ive given up on myself.

i am lost for words – my butterflies are gone.

I killed them.

if i can only ever fail myself – ill only ever fail everyone around me.

i cant do anything right.

I had/have a happy life, nice family, nice home, food on my table, were not rich, but we get by. In a way you can say I have more than what most people dont have. It all started in middle school. Everything was going good, I was happy, I had friends, everything was well. Then just all of a sudden I wouldnt wanna go to school. My mom would drop me off, we’d be in the car and all of a sudden I would just start crying and saying that I didnt want to go to school, I didnt want to go to school. I […]

I am so lucky. I have everything a 19 year old girl could want. I have opportunity, am working myself towards getting a good college education without any debt. Parents who love me. I have no financial problems. I have had no traumatic experiences in my life. I’m decent looking, not beautiful, but not ugly. I don’t drink alcohol. Never smoked weed, never tried drugs, I drive the speed limit and tip generously. I’m blessed with all these wonderful things, but I’m not given what every person on Earth wants. To be happy.
I sound pretty stupid right now. Being given everything and still not […]

Do second chances exist?

Pray for me. Pray for all of us.

Mistakes are abundant in our flawed humanity.

My friend once told me to sit and wait for her. The meaning to this is i lived far away from her and i told her about my suicide thoughts. So she said just sit and wait for me to get there. After a year of waiting and trying to get through this pain without her, i got a call. It said that she had killed herself and left a note for me. The note said ” If your reading this than you sat and waited. I never came to you because i couldn’t have seen you just like i was.” Reading those words were […]

Sometimes when trying to find the right song you seem to be drawn back to the same track. This has always been mine. I’m certain I will die to this song.

PARASITE (1971) by Nick Drake – in widescreen slideshow

They say that Life is a difficult path.
You don’t choose where you are born.
You don’t choose your family.

You are fragile your first years, and most of what happens during those years stay with you.

You are taught what’s right and wrong or you find about it the hard way.

You interact with others, and you hurt them or they hurt you.

Life is indeed mysterious. Eat, Work, Live?

There’s no manual for successful life. There’s no manual for happiness.

Why is it that u can get scared to kill yourself? i have waited so long, yet when i get the chance im scared of the pain. why would i be when just living is a worse pain then stabbing yourself? I read somewhere that when you are scared it means you actually dont want to do it. But i KNOW this is what i need to do. leave a note? or just leave so its less painful? there are so many questions to be answered about suicide.  Sometimes even when there are happy stuff in your life, you still want to die. but i […]

this is my first post , i do not know if i am doing this the right way. i was kind of looking for a prosuicide site and found out that there aren’t any! or that i could not find it. i find myself begging to god to please kill me, i know that i am not going to kill myself soon. i do not know why. i just see the future as a huge load of misery and i really don’t want to go on. i am sixteen and nowone around me understands or cares. my friends don’t take it seriously and just think […]

i feel like dying but its not worth it. i have been through a lot such as…sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by my parents. Anyway Jesus will never put more on you than you can bare, and besides he died for us and he went through a lot and did not give up, so why should we give up? I have been in foster care for four years, and it is not good to me. I am always going to one house after another, i have been in like 15 placements… plus hospitals. Anyway just KEEP TRYING!!

Im Dammed if i do. I’m Dammed if i don’t.
As darkness look’s at me. For i walk in to the night.
For my soul can not be saved. As i walk in to the moon light. Forever my soul sleep.
It feel’s there is no escaping for me. The curse of the moon is with me. Darkness walk’s with me. The sun can’t shine down here. Where i’m at.

I was a philosophy major in college. I was really good at it. I thought it would help me see the big picture as I worked through life, and I wouldn’t get so bogged down in the little things. That was a silly thing to think. Humans are creatures capable of a great deal more than other organisms, but we are still organisms in an environment. We have to work to meet certain needs for ourselves. We are social animals. We need to feel loved and useful. No matter how well-trained you think your mind is, despair will always creep in if you don’t remember […]