General

Time’s still ticking and I haven’t still planned anything beyond the most vague of roughs. Lingering doubts still too strong. What an atavistic bore, really. Doesn’t mean I’m really much “better” though. My normal nights of sleep are of about 5 hours these days and still dropping. The ever bloodshot eyes does wonders for my already severe crazy person chic. It takes hours for me to get up in the mornings. Eating has become boring and unenticing and only the most sugary or spicy foods bring any pleasure now. Ugh.

Any of you ever been to Greenland or one of the Scandinavian countries? Any first-hand information […]

I don’t know who you are.
What am I supposed to do?
I have no clue who you are, it’s as if you are not here.
When will I get some help?

Good morning the world. Monitor. People.

my mood is much better today. I don’t know why! My boss called and asked to come to job tonight, even i dont need to work so i am happy, don’t wanna be at home .

Overall i know what fucks my minds. I just stuck. I am stuck in this position. Studies are over, sports are over, military is over, all my lovely things are over and i can’t find them time coz of job. So i all i need to do is to change job, find a new flat, to buy a car and start living again.

I am sure […]

Fucking right. I feel like SCREAMING.

I guess I am just going to post some things about my recovery if anyone cares to read this, maybe it can help you.
I started having suicidal thoughts at the age of 13 when I went through a stage where I couldnt seem to please any of my family, friends, or current boyfriend. I felt like I couldnt do anything right, I didnt have anyone to confide in or talk to, and my life was pretty much at rock bottom. I spent three whole years depressed, drinking, smoking pot, & cutting myself whenever I felt too overwhelmed. I stopped caring about school & almost failed […]

Yes,another post.

I’m just curious what kinds of stories are out there. I’ve come across some bad ones,but anyone interested in telling your worst therapist stories?

I’ll start ….

My current therapist is so lame,she just nods her head and provides no feedback. She is late 25% of the time,spends at least 75% of our sessions trying to get me to read self help books or sign release forms so that she can “gather information” from other people in my life,as opposed to talking to ME.

But the best part….she cashes my co-pay checks within the HOUR that I leave. It took her 4 weeks to “research” a support […]

I cant get into my entire story now…besides,lets be honest,how many people really care that much about other’s problems? (except the fake do-gooders who want to save your soul…LOL…no disrespect,but lets call a spade a spade).

For tonight,I wanted to pose a question…how many people are in the limbo land of knowing that death is the only option,having a plan/idea, but mustering up courage to set a time and do it?

For those who are just about to make their moves,what was the final push that let you know that your dwindling time was just about gone?

And for those still in that murky area like me (for […]

If suicide was legal and medical assistance was available to anyone who wanted to die, I wonder how many people would choose to drop off the face of the earth? I know I would. However, if suicide was legal and easily available to anyone that wanted it, then would the government lose it’s control over us? Would our parents lose their control over us? Would our abusers lose their control over us? Maybe that’s why our society fights so hard to keep everyone alive because they know if we had the right to die, then they would no longer have power over us.

sometimes i cut just to know this isn’t a nightmare. To know this is life and not only can you feel emotional, but physical pain too..

it dawned on me just a minute ago that my state f perpetual exhaustion is directly tied to the mask of “sanity” that i wear(who’s to say what sane is?; the majority used to believe the world was flat). Everyday I wake, leave my room, and put on my mask. It’s so tiring, acting like everybody else, trying to feign interest in news stories, new gadgets, new flavors of gum.. new this new that; I find the human experience to be quite trite and wholly uninteresting. The best laugh I’ve had all week was from that video of the kid being run over by the […]

what’s up.?

Hello monitor and that who’s in it. At start, i don’t wanna be heard, i just wanna be said. Maybe would be easier.

All my life i was a very happy person. I had lots of crashes, deaths, family problems, alcoholic father, cancer mother, suicided feyonce and so on. Lots of shits. But i never felt disappointed by life. Each crash helped me to love life more and more. The best thing is that i Always felt how right life should be – doing everything you like, enjoying people and time, reaching some purposes and so on and so on. I was doing it all my […]

I’m done with all of this. Seriously.

ughhh iknew he wuld try 2 mess up me n my gfz relationship..hez tryna mess it up but it wnt wrkin bcuz he a dumbass friend..itrusted him n ithought he waz my friend but wat a lie that waz..icant b hz friend no more hez jzt a player n idnt wana b friendz wit some1 that makez up liez n tryz 2 start shit 4 me n my gf.But our me n my gf ignore watevr he sayz or doez cuz at the end of the day me n her r still happy 🙂