General

I lie a lot, more than I should, and I feel terrible about it. I hurt my only friend, and I just don’t know what to do to control my big mouth. Teenagers…adults have every right to sigh about us.

I try so hard. But every time I attempt to get up, I fall back down. I feel like the devil keeps pushing me down, then trampling all over me. you know how hard it is to try getting up when someone is standing on top of you?
all I can think about is how desolate and pessimistic I am. all I can talk about is how I want to die. I can’t breathe anymore. I get panic attacks. several times a day. I need my knife. I need to cut.

I just want a reason, a reason to wake up a reason to bother in life. I cant remember a time in the last ten years that i was truly happy. i dont wanna go through life just surviving cos at the moment that s all it seems.  i constantly feel that i am in a downward spiral that has no end and i am sick of waiting for things to get better cos they never seem to however much i try. so whats the point. i know what i wanna do but can i really do it without thinking about how it will affect the people […]

It’s really bad to say, but I’m starting to wish someone would murder me or something, because suicide seems so hard, but I really don’t want to be alive…

For example, someone could stab me, but my survival instinct would stop me doing the same to myself.  Someone could shoot me, but I don’t know how I’d get hold of a gun in this country.

I don’t really know what to do, I just want to die.  A failed suicide attempt would be awful – being left a vegetable with no way out is my worst nightmare.

Don’t really know what to say except that life seems futile and impossible to cope with. No energy, no hope, no joy. I just want to sleep forever & never feel pain again.

I’ve been trying so hard to forget him. But it’s not working. In everything I do, he’s always there in the back of my mind. I know now how I’m going to die- a broken heart. It doesn’t just hurt emotionally any more, it’s physical now. I can feel every beat hurting and the pain intensifying.

I don’t know what to do, because getting over him isn’t going to happen. But I hope he feels like a terrible person for what he’s done…

Everything was perfect, everything was fine.
You warmed me inside, and I loved you so much.
You were the one, and you were all mine.
I loved your smile, your hugs, your touch.

Then one day you had to crush me inside.
you tore it all out, you ripped me apart.
I wish you were honest, but I know you lied.
congratulations, you’ve lacerated my heart.

I can’t live anymore. what would I gain?
I don’t eat, I’m just skin and bone.
I’m starting to go insane,
And I’m all alone.

That feeling I get when I cut with my blade,
It’s wonderful, although it burns.
A monster, […]

So I want to kill myself. I mean really kill myself not some half hearted attempt or something on impulse. I am tired of life tired of dealing with roller coaster they call bipolar..and I am tired of myself. My bottles are ready for me to take, I just have to plan on when….I think maybe by the weeks end….I need to put a little money together so my ex can get a house to have our daughter in, he doesnt have one right now….make sure my boyfriend will be ok. I know that I should be happy but I can never be happy my […]

I have it all planned it: take the whole bottle of pills, my depakote , tylenol, klonopin, benadryl, mix with a little alcohol and off to the woods I go with a bag to place over my head….that way no will find me until its over with. I will finally get away from myself. You see people may have hurt me and abused me but in the end it was all me I have hurt myself too much and I am done. I cant handle my diseases the meds dont work and I am a horrible person for the way I act. I lock myself […]

im fed up w/ feeling this way
Let the sadness fade into anger
Not directed at anyone in particular
Take it out on ME
Cause a painful death
Maybe causing myself agony will show em all I wasn’t looking for an easy way out

I had a dream about my suicide and I said if I am friendless and lonely if my parents still hate me and if I found God I would commit suicide.anyways the dream.I was at my locker and my friends were ignoring me but I never took it to thought then we were at the lunch table and they were talking about me right in front of my face then they said get out of our group we never wanted you here(my fear of friendlessness was coming true)2Dream I was in my room then my stepmom came in and started yelling about my room and […]

It’s too late now. No use and putting out an amber alert. I’ve been missing for years. No need for a funeral cause I’ve been dead to you for years. Remember all the times you weren’t there to wipe away all my tears? To go into my closet and ward off all my fears. Under the bed and in my closet. That wasnt a monster that was just me. And the girl I would grow to be. Where were you when I had to walk home alone. Collecting rocks for when I would play skipping stones. All by myself in the backyard. Where were you […]

Does anyone else feel awkward around people who know how you feel or that you’ve tried to kill yourself when things related to suicide come on T.V.? Because I dread depression medication commercials and shows that I know could have suicide in them when my family is around. It just feels so awkward. I hate it. Like tonight I watched a British movie called Chatroom with my sisters and I couldn’t leave because then they would know that it made me feel awkward. I’ve never talked about my attempt with anyone except my counselor (and some of you guys, obviously) and even then we didn’t […]

Just kill me
drill a hole
through mine head.
Or suffercate me
with a pillow.
Do everything you can
to put me six feet underground.
Watch me bleed
as my heart slows down.
No hospital
can save me now.
No one
can do anything now.
I want to close
my eyes
and sleep.
Cause now…
I’m finally dying.
Thank you kind person
for throwing my troubles
away.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like all I do is disappoint people. From the friend who thought I was ignoring her/neglecting her while I went through nursing school but failed to talk to me about it. To me parents who let me still live at home(at age 24 almost 25) while I look for a job even though I’ve been out of school for almost 6 months and no one hires new nurses with no experience. I see no light at the end of the tunnel all I see is failure. Maybe I should have gone for my BSN instead of me ADN(Associates […]

Okay,

So I have a boyfriend

He is a strong Christian.

I love this guy to deathh

And I am a Christian too, now.

But now… Well, for a long time, I have been (as called) a slut, a b*tch, trashy, emo, stupid, and worthless (as I stated before… It’s what I’ve been called)

I have had sex. I have had MANY bad experiences. I have never dressed appropriately (until I met my boyfriend, that is), I get in fights all the time, I curse like a sailor, and I smoke and drink.

Well, I used to.

I have been trying to change for a very long time, to make myself better, so […]

I wish someone would see. Why is everyone so blind? I just need someone to save  me…