General

Well, here’s this stupid empty box that I’m supposed to fill with my stupid empty words. Why do we keep trying? I don’t mean the living thing. I know why I’m trying to stay alive. We’ve all got our own extremely similiar reasons, now don’t we?

What I meant was, why do I keep trying to connect? I’m good on the suicide thing. Maybe if another person that I think of as a mother commits suicide or somebody else that I love breaks my heart then I would probably be in danger of committing suicide. Again. Since that’s not the case, then why am I still […]

I have had trouble with depression since I was about 10. My life though hasn’t been bad and I even have two children. I am divorced but I was in a turbulent marriage. Despite all this, all I want to do is die. I know that sounds selfish since I have 2 kids and then I feel guilty and get more depressed and the cycle continues. I really get angry at God because if suicide is supposed to be such a sin then why is God continuing to let me and others suffer so much when I have done everything, […]

Anyone??

It’s sort of amazing, the human body, I mean. We cut it up, maim it, black it out, deprive it of, of everything we can think of, and some how, it comes back swinging. More than we may or may not want to live, it seems like, our bodies want to live. Perhaps it’s more frightening than awe inspiring.

“I haven’t lost anything except my mind”.

I sometimes cry for no reason what so ever.
Sometimes I hope for help, but usually I have no hope.  I cannot be helped.

I sometimes think maybe things would be better if I was gone.  He always seems to talk me out of it though.  I don’t know how.  There is something about him.

“You could be empty, and I can be right here empty with you.”

I’m going to be 26 in a month. I have no friends. I’ve never had a real job. The job I have now I pay to keep, a student assistant, registering for a class every three months just to hold onto it. I’m about to lose my health insurance because I’m no longer a dependent. Except, I am. I’m that pathetic. I have no degrees, live at home with my parents, have never owned a car, and my boss is two years younger than me and a coordinator over an entire department. Why do I even try? How much can I accomplish between now and […]

You have no idea what you’ve done, how fragile I am. Teenage infatuation, still hurts. What did I do? Tell me, what the fuck did I do? Did I misinterpret you’re constant messaging, you’re constant complimenting, the way you got jealous when I mentioned another guy? Did I actually think for one moment, one second that you might like me? Yeah, guess I was completely wrong.

I’ve known you for a month, and somehow, you make me feel worthless, not good enough. I’ll have forgotten your name in less than a year. But right now? It hurts like fuck.

I was already slipping, and you just […]

Worst school day ever. I hate my life so much its not even funny. God why are you punishing me? What did i do wrong? I beileve in you but it seems you hate me. Why do people make fun of me. I got stares from people and they just point and laugh. AM I THAT UGLY? Did i look the wrong directions? Nothing but tears today. Nothing but sympthy. My friends said to forget about it or ignore them but thats not working at all i cant do it. Everyday its the same thing. Like i said i am weak. i cant […]

I hide from the world in the shadows,

I listen to the world from under,

I have lost my soul,

Is there no one with me?

Am I alone?

Why must everything good leave…why?

I killed myself when I was 16.  But was “saved,” and every day since then has been even worse than the first 16 years.  I’ve stuck around for others, for my parents, friends, lovers, children.  But I just can’t anymore.  Everything and everyone sucks.  I’m miserable all the time.  Any joy I have is short lived.  I fail at every single thing I have ever done.  I’ve let so many people down.  And the longer I stay, the more the pain piles on.  So I’m finally at my end.  I have a few loose ends to tie up, but I want to order that hood […]

well im 17 im changing my life around doing away with the depression and taking out the old people that made me that way that really arnt my friends in the first place. the only true friends i had both died not even a year ago. \ im a very good listner and can relate to a lot of yalls stories and i really need new friend to talk to so just comment, add me on facebook or send me an email at tigger944@yahoo.com oh and that the email for my facebook to.

Watching the sun fade behind the hills
I’m waiting for you, as I eat these pills
The wind at my back and the sun on my face
You know, it’s such a beautiful taste

I know I promised, not to lose my faith
But it’s so hard, dealing with this pain
Sanity seeping, out of my head
You know I’ll rest better, now that I’m dead

Forget it all, let it fade
A time when I, had seen better days
The smile I wore, hid the fear inside
A time when I knew, that I would die

Don’t look back, don’t be afraid
The past is gone, it […]

I can’t blame anyone for this but goddamn human culture focuses on human relationships. I’m pretty big into all forms of art but all it ever is is people in love. Paintings of lovers or female nudes. Stories of falling in and out of love. Songs about relationships. And even when those relationships are failing all I can think is how lucky those people are that they can at least enter into relationships. I’m 29 and a lifelong professional and personal failure who has never had a love interest; never had any woman who has cared for me romantically or has desired me in any […]

That moment where you’re just about to go and kill yourself with no barriers to stop you at all;

This feeling right now is so incredibly intense.

i don’t care about my birthday anymore. even though my friends and family are excited, i really don’t think it’s worth the time celebrating a life that isn’t worth celebrating. Sure i’m another year older, but what good does that mean? we’re all going to die and so far from what i’ve seen life is basically a contest to see who is in this marathon we call life the longest. But i don’t like being a conformist, i’d rather be watching it from above instead of actually being in it.

i guess i’m lazy that way.