General

Yeah. That’s the poem I have writted down and wrapped around a 30.06 shell in my little private box. I wrapped it around that bullet to remind me that the fight is all have left. Well Dylan Thomas was wrong. I was wrong. I have disappointed everyone who was close to me too much and too many times. Tonight, I’ll shoot myself. This is not some pussified cry for help. I dont care what you think. I dont know why I’m even writing this.

I can almost taste death.

It’s calling me towards it, urging me to have the strength to just crawl a little ways further to the gates of hell, to fall a little ways further into the deep abyss of suicide, to jump into the lake of pure misery and let myself drowned.

It’s coming soon, I can feel it deep inside me. I am surprised it’s waited this long to grab me and whisk me away. I’ve been ready forever, silently waiting for my day to come when all the pain would be gone and I’d cease to be anything but a memory.

My body is getting weaker […]

How do you say goodbye to the parents that have raised you, loved you and cared for you all your life. To the brother that has been there for me through life’s ups and down’s. How do you put in to words that I must go now, that this was my only way out. How do you put into words how much I love you and how sorry i am? Two more weeks to figure it out…..

I want it all to end so badly. I’ve been living this perpetual lie. The entire family thinks I’m in grad school, even though I’m not. I’m fat and overweight. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’m in debt with collectors constantly calling. Got fired from my job. As of me writing this right now, things look bleak. Often times I sit and stare at this hunting knife imagining how it would be if I ended my life. Only reason I don’t is because I’m a *****, and I don’t want to burden my family. Also, I’m semi-religious, and suicide would be a mortal sin.

I’ve […]

Sometimes I  think of suicide. I think of hurting myself and for some odd reason it comforts me. I’m probably “attetion seeking” as my mum thinks I am. I’ve cut my arms, bit myself and tried to suffocate myself. I wish I could talk to someone or have someone who can take these thoughts away from me. I think I’m worthless and a nobody. I’ve spoken to my boyfriend about this and he doesn’t want to lose me. He would probably be so sad without me. Anyway, I would just have to try to carry on with life as best I am even though I […]

my brother was in a car accident last february. i’m so angry all the time and my mom is using his death to get attention. i want to start cutting myself because maybe it’ll distract me from being so mad all the time. I’ve thought about taking pills to end it all, but I’m scared that they won’t work and I’ll just be stuck here anyway.

it is 5:33 am and I have finally snapped I need help I cannot call anyone its too late I need help I know im not making much sense i am so out of it i give up and I have been looking for somewehere to turn all night! I just wish something would happen and someone would reply back instantly i’m only 17 I need help please help me

I don’t know what to do. But death, pills have all crossed my mind. I guess life was going ok, tell tonight. My sister found my facebook, and pictures of her best friend that Ilabeled “my sister”.. because when I made that album years ago, I hated my sister. SInce things improved, I love her I really do.. but. I do not know what to do. Maybe everyone will be better when i’m dead, if I just take two hand fuls of pills, maybe some whiskey. It’s obvious I’m a bad person, who doesn’t deserve to have a sister or to live. That I have […]

“Heaven smiles above me
What a gift here below
But no one knows”

I feel like bleeding from my soul tonight.  A rare and not so rare occurance.  Rare in the sense that I come here to speel.  So I hope no one minds the emotional ejaculation that I am about to spew forth…what the Queens of the Stone Age put forth in their album “Songs for the Deaf”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s88r_q7oufE

So appropriately so.

“We get these pills to swallow
How they stick
In your throat
Taste like gold”

I used to think so.  The pills helped contain my rage-impulses, somewhat. My/our “patented” emotional dysregulation (I share a diagnosis with […]

Honestly, today was the worst day of my life.

My parents decided to randomly tell me that i’m supposed to be in foster care, or still live with my abusive father. I told them that I didn’t need to know it, but everyone is getting me down. Also, my boyfriend broke up with me, because there was an age difference. He told me he truly loved me, and I believed him, but as soon as he realized he was 4 years older than me, it’s like our feelings didn’t matter. I know he still loves me, and I still love him, but there is nothing I […]

way i want to end my life i have lived all my life with learning and spelling disability all have for the rast of my life been suffering from depression im on a diabily pencehn all its had for be to do things like makeing my meals keeping my self clen any many more things been like this all my life and i am so tired of going on like this so my only way out of it is to end my life I have been whating to end my life for over 10 years and fell its time to and it all all be […]

We’ve all been searching, the long lost something, out there.
It’s out there somewhere.
The strings of our heart throbbing, vibrating, yearning for that bitter sweet sense of pulse to reach that focal point of joy.
Deep in our heart, procrastinating we are awaiting someday harmonious chord shall strike..

“the music is all around us, all you have to do is listen”

They say, some lucky, some don’t.
But I’ve never seen a lucky pair that lasts but with bitter smile to comfort.
All I know is the sparks that one strikes, may once in a while you get a brief moment of joy if that focal […]

Here’s a Canadian guy living in Taiwan.
He speaks their language.
Although he’s a foreigner, he still thinks being upright should be the life he leads.
Saving strayed dogs, or riding his bike at night he’ll tell another biker with child to turn on their lights.
Little things like that, just things that he could do, he helps saving lives.
The world becomes unlovely only because there aren’t many people like him.
His action ain’t trying to surpass another human, just exerting his best not letting misery to surpass upon.

http://www.youtube.com/user/13mordeth#

First of all, I am a parent. I love my kids more than I love myself, never thought I would say that because I was pretty ambivalent about having kids. Recently a teen in our town committed suicide–a superstar kid, sports star, academic genius, loved by all. Since then, I have been so depressed. My older son, who has flunked out of 2 colleges so far, is on his last chance at school. How can I continue to support his lifestyle choices of smoking weed instead of studying, when it gets hard, he simply gives up. I must go the “tough love” route and believe […]

A woman’s life is a bone-wearying job with fringe benefits but no central satisfaction.

In many ways I have had an extraordinarily good life, but all along the way there were challenges. I have been through good times and bad, and always managed to survive. Now for several years I have found my life slowly declining from too many simultaneous physical and emotional challenges. I have sought help from professionals, family and friends. I have tried to be the ‘strong’ person everyone was accustomed to, but when I could no longer be strong and needed help, there was none to be found. Only denial, rejection, disbelief, apathy, and finally abandonment. I am now alone, with no resources left to keep trying […]

Fuck this life. I do seriously want no part of this right now. I want the happy times when we were hanging out at my house, hugging, being happy. Not fighting, not starting war, not cutting. I don’t want to be breathing fast, not knowing how much more of this I can take. I want to drown, and resuscitate when everything is perfect again. I don’t know why we can go from so happy, to not being able to keep stable. From happy to depressed, from ecstatic, to crying. Fuck this life, fuck how everything has to challenge us, fuck how people don’t […]