I was a bit problematic ever since I was in elementary, my dad had another family and left us although he supported our family financially, I still need a dad and I was just around 11 when that happened. When I entered middle school, I had new friends and I was really happy, I started to change and forget the problem/s I encountered. I even thought of studying Psychology and help people overcome their fears, issues and problems. But then recently, I found out I’m suffering Borderline Personality Disorder, I’m impulsive, have low self-esteem and do self-deprecating. I think of myself pathetic. My friend showed […]
Fuckshitshitfuck
first of all im not a native english speaker so this post might look terrible
I tried partially suspension
I thought Ive done more than enough research
so I tried it and tried it for like 3 hours
I just can’t fucking black out. I mean I felt the pain
my head felt like gonna explode
everytime I ‘fine lets do this properly this time’ and then I’m just trying to bear the pressure to my jaw and skull for like 1 min
WTF am I doing wrong
I even ordered a rope on the Internet??????
I’m even starting to think ‘is it my neck too thick?’ sth
I feel like my time is getting close. It’s as if I am ready to go now. I know how I will leave. Just have to put a few things in place…
I am just not sure if I should leave a note behind. What do you think about it? would It help those left behind or do you think it would just make it worse?
ALL LIVING THINGS DIE
THE PHRASE RINGS IN MY HEAD
LIKE A PERSISTENT HEADACHE
THE PAIN, THE AGONY
THE COLD DEAD
ALL THINGS IRRITATING
SCRATCHING ABOVE THE SURFACE OF MY SANITY
ALMOST PENETRATING THE CEILING THAT WHICH IS MY INNOCENT HUMANITY
I AM FOREVER BELITTLED
BY MY COUNTLESS MENTAL ILLNESSES
TOO WEAK TO STAND ON MY FEET
FEELING LIKE BEING CRUSHED UNDER A HEAVY ROCK
IT THEREBY ARRIVES
LOOKING DOWN ON ME FROM ABOVE THE DARK
DEATH ITSELF STARES INTENTLY
BECAUSE OF COURSE ANOTHER SOUL WILL BE JOINING IT
PURE MADNESS FLOWS IN AND OUT OF MY BODY
THE BOY FINALLY LOST IT
LIKE SACRIFICING A SOUL TO THE DEVIL
KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME!
ALL WHILST QUIVERING
ADRENALINE PUMPING
HEARTBEAT PULSATING
TREMENDOUS ANXIETY AND […]
I was happy. I had a young soul. A boy with full of dreams. A god loving boy. A innocent one.
A boy who used to think that this world is so beautiful and it has no injustice.
I was curious about everything. i wanted to know more and more.
i used to love my life. my world of life was beautiful.
and yes this life can’t even tolerate the injustice a little bit.
and cares everything around him and lifeless
but as curious mind have started to learn more about the world it also started to become more frustrated..
NOW this life is become a stone.
it can’t find way to go […]
I want to peel the skin from my bones,
I don’t want to be here anymore.
I simply, want to kill myself.
Nothing makes me happy anymore, pills arnt working and theyre just making it worse. I feel so alone. How is it my own mind can turn against me and attack me on a daily basis, how is it to have a mind that has given up on you. Iam a shell, I have taken personalities of humbling individuals and pushed them down inside of myself to be what I think people want me to be. I don’t see a point in existing. People […]
A wish thay I always wish to come true
A wish that will make my life better
A wish that can end my suffering
Is a wish to die
Im always wrong
Im still here why …?
No more reason to life
No more smile
Every breath is painful
I wish to die
I didn’t really know where else to turn at this point. I’ve attempted suicide in the past but haven’t succeeded.
I do have a small will to live but so many things just bring me down. I’m sure many on here already know that feeling when your life is static and you just aren’t happy with your present situation. No boyfriend, no friends, everyone seems to be repelled by me even though I try to be respectful and optimistic. I feel as if I’m just disliked and unwanted. Everything I do is unappreciated. My life is going no where.
I’m a 26 year old still living at […]
As I wait here patiently…
I hear death calling me.
Ring… Ring..
I ignore it while I let it sing
I sit at this park from hour to hour
God, I’m so scared… I feel like a coward.
So Death… Please stop calling me.
I’ll have your answer in three days
Just let me be
How I pray, I pray
I know I’m not alone, I know I have so many friends and love ones. I’m blessed, but yet, why do I feel so alone?
I was contempt with death long ago until I met someone. Cliche right? But it happens. I fell in love three times and the first two knew that I craved the […]
So if you see me walk down the hallway and you want to ask me if I’m okay…
While you refuse to believe me when I whisper yes…
Just know that I’m thinking about how you’d react if I told you I wanted to die.
You wouldn’t want to help me then.
That’s a promise.
I’m genuinely done with everything life is throwing at me right now. I have had an eating disorder since age 12 and been hospitalized over suicide attempts twice. My fuckin family are no help and cause half the shit. I can’t stand there bullshit for another day.Tomorrow I will pack a bag and leave, I’m done caring what they think and letting them control my every move. I will take a change of clothes and a blanket and I will survive as long as it takes for my body to shut down and die. This world is a fuckin miserable place and i don’t want […]
I haven’t been here very long, but I felt it would be rude to those who supported me if I disappeared without saying goodbye. So, here’s my awful farewell.
You are all amazing. This is the most supportive and compassionate online community I have ever seen. You all have your own issues, but you put them aside in an attempt to help others. I hope you all manage to overcome your problems, and I wish you all a long, happy life.
I, however, have finished my story. It wasn’t very long, nor was it very exciting, but I’m glad to say it’s finally over. I really appreciate […]
I’ve sat here, countless days, haven’t left the house, haven’t DONE anything, I have no purpose, nobody is willing to hear my cries, even my best friend, whom I thought was exactly like me cant see anything wrong. Im leaving to go to Japan in 12 days, and after that, when I get back, Im going to go see her and then, then Im done. Im done not having a reason to live, im done being hurt by everyone, im done with my deadbeat family who always bash on me. there is no way that im going to sit here and let this happen. so, […]
I dont want to talk about it.
I wake up every day with this gnawing feeling. I try to push it away, but it gets worse.
It doesn’t stop. This feeling.
It hurts. It stings. All the heartache, the stress…it gets to you.
But all I ask, is that you understand.
Its deep depths of darkness, and loneliness. Like a boulder of weight always on your back. Slowly hurting you.
It doesn’t stop unless you make it.
When you die you cease to exist, so why fight if when your dead it ll all not exist.
Some took the leap. I really do envy them.
It’s a constant continuous fail, it is breaking me apart. It is getting extreme difficult day by day to manage myself. Do I deserve this, I ask this question often. The idea of god has gone out of my mind. He is not listening to my prayers, I ask the simple livelihood necessities and I’m still devoid of it even after all my efforts.
It’s the constant failures , that’s pushing me down. People say everyone has different timeline and things happen according to that. But my timeline is soo full of sadness ,that it is making me impossible to wait in my timeline.
I was a […]
I know. I know everyone says suicide isn’t the answer. I know I wouldn’t want my friends to commit suicide. I know this will hurt you. I know this will remind you of Sean. I know this will disappoint all my friends, my teachers, and my family.
And I know this is self centered and entitled; it’s pretentious and trying to sound too deep, but I don’t believe I was meant to have a happy life. I don’t think I was meant to grow old. I was meant to die early on, eventually forgotten.
I don’t believe in fate, and I don’t believe in god. I only […]
“Do you want to die?”
This is a question I have been asked multiple times. By my counsellor, my brothers, my friends and my mum. I’ve recently started talking to an online counsellor and I’ve talked about self harm and she asked me if I wanted to die. My older brother mostly but also sometimes my younger brother have asked me in a threat kind of way if I do something wrong to them and they say “Do you want to die!?”. My friends maybe before doing something dangerous or stupid or while playing a game and doing something risky where I could die in it, […]
I just want to give up.. I tried killing myself a couple weeks ago but my bf took me to the hospital and they saved me. I just want it all to end! I’m so done with this place !! The only thing keeping me here today is my 2 precious kittens. I don’t know what to do..
To whom it may concern –
If you’re reading this – it’s already too late. I’ve lived long enough – arguably on borrowed time. I can’t remember a time in my life when I wanted to exist. I’ve only stayed around as long as I have for the sake of others. I haven’t lived for myself because I never wanted that. The world seems hell-bent on torturing me and leeching my sanity day by day. Please – don’t feel guilty. Do not question what you could have done to prevent this because the short answer is that there is nothing you could have done.. Do not […]
So, I’m catching a one way bus back home tonight, and I really just need someone to talk to. I remember forever ago I found a discord chat full of people catching the same bus, but I don’t remember the group title and I certainly couldn’t find the invite. Does anyone know of any non-spammy chats where I could get some last laughs in? Or maybe a group of us could make a chat room? I’ll be online a while, so… idk. I just hope someone reads this and misses me.