My Suicide Note

I grew up in a very abusive home. I have severe mental illness because of this. I was groomed when I was 17 and moved into my groomers house when I graduated high school. Spent 4 miserable years being treated horribly. We had a son. I lost custody of him because I couldn’t afford a lawyer. I have nothing and no one. Monday I’ll be done.

When I was 5 years old my entire 4th grade class yelled out
“We hope you die”
“You are going to die alone”
“Fine, I will do it. Happy!”
“Yeah don’t show up tomorrow!”

Its been 17 years since I was born, my orginal personality or me died that very night. Can you imagine a 5yr old having to decide that action and actually follow through with it… The trama was so great that the only memory I have is the knife falling but never reaching and waking up 3 months later with no one aware of my actions that night. I went […]

I’m not depressed. I’ve always been fascinated by death and bored by life. Even when I was a kid. I was taught to be christian, but it always seemed so boring to me, I never had any dreams of being a fireman or a police or a doctor or anything, my dream as a 5 year old was to be an old, lonely alcoholic that hated the world as much as he hated himself. I was seven years old the first time I wanted to kill myself. I was eleven years old when I started to think that I really didn’t fit in anywhere, that […]

The last few weeks I’ve kept postponing my suicide day by day, morning by morning, evening by evening; I don’t know why I’m afraid of death so, lately; I’ve destroyed my life on purpose on every possible level to get the courage to do it. Hasn’t worked out great so far. Anyway I tossed a coin today 5 times, heads I’ll do it now, tails tomorrow; 4 out of 5 times it was tails, so tomorrow it is. I’m glad in a way because it gives me the opportunity to say thank you to everyone here, the brave that left us already and all so many […]