It is very difficult to express the way I feel on a daily basis. Today, I was supposed to study for my finals but i didn’t. Thoughts kept running through my mind, and I imagined a whole conversation with a psychiatrist and kept talking to him for 3 hours. It felt like I was in a bubble, it felt so real. I’ve always been like this, since I do not have close friends, there’s no one to share my thoughts with, so I imagine people in my mind. Oh lord loneliness has become my home. I feel very awkward when engaging in a real conversation […]
My Suicide Note
My family always called me a glow stick because I shine to them with my fake smile, I don’t need your pity when my life sucks ass? and I’m in love with a Taurus male. It’s important I’ve known him for so long and we both love each other in a romantic relationship way. So we are kinda just really close friends. My friends probably know who this is already I know too. But what do they really know about me? I don’t even know myself or who I am.. all I know is for a fact I love him, he loves me. It’s started […]
I’m tired of the lies. I knew it would never get better. I know it never can. But we’re all fed that same lie. Over and over. Until we rip out our eyes so we stop seeing the truth. We paint on a smile like clowns. We’re beaten down with the hollow words of those driven mad.
It gets better. It gets better. It gets better.
See a therapist. See a therapist. See a therapist.
Take your pills. Take your pills. Take your pills.
Those broken by the weight of it all. Driven mad by toxic positivity and hopeless hope. I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of being […]
I’ve fought so hard for this. My whole life, I’ve never been able to feel positive emotions . I can remember some memories from when I truly felt joy, when I used to hang out with some friends but nothing more than that. I’ve spent hours days trying to dig up some happy memories but nothing. I’m nothing more than an abused child, nothing more than my past. I wanna be able to feel something, anything. All I can think about nonstop is how to hurt myself. I’ve thought about burning myself to death, cutting a finger, breaking a leg. Some very violent ideas are […]
Hey, I’m sorry if this is all over the place. Right now my mind is just a jumbled amalgamation of words that I just can’t seem to convey properly. I didn’t want to leave a suicide note, personally they make me want to off myself, but I couldn’t just go without leaving something for you. You’re just so important to me, it breaks my heart to just disappear without giving you a piece of my soul.
I’ve missed you so dearly, I miss you more than anything in the world. I hold you so close to my heart always. you know, you’re absolutely my favorite person. […]
Time is a heartless master in an entropy driven world. For those who are suffering, it drags and drags on, while for those living in pleasure, the clock can’t ever seem to slow down.
I wish people could fathom the pain I have endure everyday. The pain I have endured for well over a decade now, since I was only 10 years old and became fully aware of how cruel the world around me was. I was always told time heals all wounds, that […]
To The Person That I Mirrored Myself
Despite the fact that I am fully aware of what is going on in your life, your inspirational and motivational messages captivated me. I admire your ways of dealing with life because I don’t. Four years ago, I was in your shoes. I am a goal-oriented person who is concerned with the future and success. I was a “church girl” who read scriptures always and prayed three times a day, till […]
Meet suicide show
I am laughing tears in my eyes continuously smiling struggling to be alive I don’t want to be alive any more more . I am feeling myself very hollow inside me anything I do I think it’s wrong or is going to go wrong because it’s in my hand.I cannot feel anything I am just like a rock just like a vegetable.Aur I am feeling everything and that is making me mad making me crazy making me very eager to kill myself.
I am just tired of everything everything of my own mistakes wrongly taken decision yes I am a loser
nobody likes losers […]
I’m so not okay, I can’t feel anymore. This darkness inside of me is growing so rapidly that I can’t even control it anymore. I have nothing, nothing at all. Only the pain in my heart. Nobody even sees me anymore, I’ve become someone I don’t even know, I’m so fucking lost. I’ve tried to end it all twice and both times I woke up the next day, contemplating my life again. My heart feels heavy all the time, yet I’m numb to everything. I look at myself in the mirror, while I’m crying and I don’t see myself in my eyes anymore, I don’t […]
Hello, so let’s just start this off with a “I should be dead right now” I have no idea why I’m still alive. My girlfriends in the past have cheated on me and my girlfriend now likes someone else and hates me. My family told me to kill myself many times in the past and doesn’t care about me. I’m alone and by myself. I’ve tried many MANY times in the past and failed. Every. Single. Time. The closest I’ve ever come to death is a car accident in 2017 and I was in a 8 month coma. God only KNOWS how I came out […]
I’m young, and some people might think that i haven’t known real pain. I’m turning 19 this year and life isn’t going good. My depression first started years ago when my parents degraded me, even calling me a moron for not doing well in my exam. I was humiliated so i started to do well in my next exams and i did well in highschool. It wasn’t enough for them, they still degraded me even when i got an above average result. I got an offer to enter a uni but i got rejected, probably i wasn’t good enough for them. I don’t have enough […]
Okay so I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotional issues and because of those I end up acting irrationally. I try not to self-harm, because I know it doesn’t please God and it hurts my loved ones. But I am getting to the end of my rope. Today I was praying to the Lord for a sign that I shouldn’t kill myself today, but he didn’t answer. So I think maybe he is okay with me doing it, or maybe his grace has just run out for me. Either way, I should have done this a long long time ago.
See your oldest son wither away right before your eyes. I’m a parent of a 6 and 4 year old. I am a veteran who could barley stand on two feet before the military. Sprinkle some uncle sam b/s into the equation and you have damaged goods.
But as a parent…what’s it like to watch your oldest son wither away like an parched plant. I know it’s gotta be tough. I have ignored and self medicated my mental illness to the point where I am debilitated. They are old school and wounds you can’t see dont exist. Plus, being 34 on the cot in the […]
I suddenly couldn’t feel anymore. It take the adrenaline from the fight or flight response just to get out of bed in the morning. I have the opportunity to say bye as everything crumbles around me. Soon I’ll probably be admitted to the hospital if I make it that far. It pains me to wake up every morning knowing that someone else could use my wasted life to do great things.
I usually hide in hotel rooms due to not having a stable living situation. I made enough money to do so back when I was contracting for the military. Can’t afford it now. No where to hide the meltdown of drinking myself to sleeping pill after sleeping pill. This time in particular its bad. It’s more physical than it’s ever been.
I woke up this morning and didn’t go to work. I drove around in circles. I’m homeless save that I have a child in two separate locations. So I sleep on a cot during the week and a guest bed on the weekends. I have no energy and all. I only experience life through the veil of depression and utter calamity.
I’m a veteran and father of 2 small children. Thankfully their mothers/grandmothers are still around in my absence. And to be honest I’ve been absent for quite some time. I cannot remember my last genuine smile. My illness is so bad that I’ve been […]
Ive been reading suicideproject posts for many many years now, but ive never expected myself to actually post anything here.
Why would I?
You know, I have this diary.. someone told me long ago, that writing my problems down along with the current date might help me get through things. That, looking back at these problems after years, will make me realise how small they were.
My first entry was made the night I ran away, hid in the woods, cold, scared, hurt, with no one to turn to. After that, it was basically a long series of entries, it was me dealing with the whole thing, with […]
”I still love you as much as i did then which is totally a whole frikin lot! I’ll never leaveeee youuuuu because i needdddddd youuuu foreverrrr innnn myyy lifeeee (yes there is a tune to that, my own kind of tune that is) Well my sweet sweet love i’m going to sit in front of the heater my feet seem to be going nmb from the coldness. I LOVE YOU LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE”
but then you left us all.
i hate this.
it’s like drowning in the ocean,
the deeper you drown,
the harder it gets to breathe,
the darker it gets to see,
the colder the water gets,
your body becomes numb,
you can no longer swim.
no matter how hard you scream,
nobody can hear you,
nobody can see you.
no matter how hard you fight the wave,
you’re too deep in the ocean,
and in the end
you get tired of trying and fighting,
you give up,
you’re all alone.
it’s frightening how calm
and peaceful it may seem from the surface,
but deadly at the same time,
because no one can tell
what’s deep […]
You might be invisible, but I can see you standing on every corner of my mind.
Do I report an invisible man?
Do I report a faceless and voiceless man?
I still remember what you did to me that year
That summer day where you ruin my life
I remember what you wanted to do with me
I remember everything, yet your face is still a blur
Who am I suppose to run from?
Who am I suppose to hide from?
I still feel you
I can feel how you pushed me against that house
Your hands were two, but they felt like two millions