All I ever want is to go back to feeling normal. But I haven’t felt normal since I was 5. My dad killed himself when I was 6, and my mum remarried. When I was 8, my stepdad began to sexually abuse me, all the way through to the age of 17. I self harmed and was seriously depressed throughout this whole ordeal. The abuse happened almost every day, in every room of the house. I’m 19 now and he is in prison, but I can’t get away from the mental, physical and emotional scars and trauma that I’m left with. I want to feel […]
Category:
My Suicide Note
Darkness, my friend
Breathless, and tired has become a regular feeling, the darkness taking over the light within. Shadows of my past, the skeletons in my closet and the words that left scars, over flow, leaving me grasping for help. Unable to move, to face the day, I lay there in quiet, letting the shadow take all my goodness and innocence and leave me empty and hollow. Rushing through my days in a haze, forcing a smile onto my exhausted face so that no one can see that I’m falling. Smiling, laughing and hiding, leaves me feeling weak and small, I am just gliding through life […]
I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this life. Wake up everyday and deal with the same things. I have learned recently what people really think about me. And I don’t want to be here anymore. I want the pain to end. I want this constant ache to just be gone. If I just end my life, my suffering ends and people can finally be happy. I’m useless to people, I don’t think anyone would really miss me. People would go through the motions of missing me but really, I just think they would go grieve me for the acceptable time and […]
I am 99% sure that I want to kill myself. I really want to tell someone that so they could say they had a chance to save me, and they can feel less guilty when they can’t, so they can say at least they tried. But I don’t want to tell Julian (fake name) because he would try to stop me. I haven’t felt this sure about anything in a long time.
I’m going to do it. I need to at least try, or I can’t live with myself. (I guess I wouldn’t be living with myself anyway, ha.) I will be documenting the next few […]
i see the world through darkness
each day i think of the world a little less
in my heart and in my soul i know
life isnt handed like a present with a bow
life can be awful, dark and cruel
i wont let it take me, im no fool
my life will not end in grace or honor
by the time they find me i will be a goner
a bottle in one hand and a drink in another
i say goodbye to this world and all other
the pain will be dealt with once and for all
down through through the darkness i […]
. there is no way I can turn my life around. I’ve failed and I’ve accepted that. I didn’t think I’d even make it this long. At some point soon, I will go into the ocean, and finally be free. Ive accepted that my time is done. we can’t all be saved. time to let go
Why movies are better than reality ? Why movie is better than reality ? Why reality is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
Failed suited attempts are a pain in the butt. They lock you up in a hospital, everyone freaks out. You feel this huge amount of guilt, and rarely no relief that you’re alive, only more depression becuase you didn’t succeed. Family always makes you feel guilty, how could you do this? Why didn’t you tell me. Like duh , if I told you, you would’ve stopped me, and I wanted to die. Then comes the painful process of “getting better” “learning to be happy”. You’re supposed to make all these steps so you don’t do it again and promise you’ll get help. But when you […]
The day that i’ve come to an end…
My boyfriend left me just 20 minutes ago…
He left me because i was depressed and he couldn’t take it anymore…
This is my third post here…
i’m gonna hang myself today, i’m gonna drink, i’m gonna use cocaine…
I’m not going to be alive this morning…
I’m hanging myself….
I’m sorry to everyone, my friends, my family…
I just can’t take it anymore…
I’m sad, i’m depressed, i’ve been trying suicide for years…
I don’t want to die, but it seems like the only way…
I don’t love anything anymore, i’m empty…
i’m in such much […]
I don’t really know why i am writing this i suppose it’s because i want someone out there to know the real me before i go. I’m so hollow inside it hurts all the time i feel hardly anything about anything and i never really have i am always wearing a mask portraying the emotions i should be showing and saying the things im supposed to say, everyone thinks i have the perfect life since i just seem so happy when im just falling apart inside ever since i was young i knew i was different from everyone else so i just pretended to be […]
So, this is very different than any other of my posts,
but I have been experiencing some “feelings” and I cannot find a name to these symptoms.
I feel like I can communicate with an outer me, such as if I had a twin, it’s very strange, it started with mirrors, and now I feel like I am not alone, although I am sitting in my room alone, such as another person is her. (Another version of myself.)
I have experienced this before, but only when I have been exhausted, and/or when I go from being surrounded by people for a long/short period of time, […]
I’ve been in a place where I didn’t want to be here like I was in every ones way like I had no place to fit In… I still am, but many people that have the most perfect life, family, friends, relationship. don’t understand why we cut our wrist why we starve ourselves why we lock our self up for no one to see just to be alone forever. Nobody knows how many times we cry in our rooms when no ones watching…This lifestyle that we are in isn’t a choice we didn’t want this for our self or for anyone but perfect people […]
My name is Hannah, I’m 22 and I plan on ending my life. It may not be today, tomorrow, a week from now or this month, but it will happen. I already have it planned out. I know exactly how I’m going to go. I’ve written a will and what and who I want at my funeral, not that it matters since I wont be alive to witness it. I’ve done my research if I will go to heaven or not and I got the answers I need.
I have everything going for me, why would I do such a thing to my loved one? I […]
Trying to make my life more tolerable has resulted in me getting hurt once again. I was the “oops” baby, and i see that my parents try to accept me…But i know they never wanted me from the beginning. I have this indescribable feeling of emptiness that no professional, technique, or exercise can help with. I’ve used sex to coop, sex is great but it doesn’t change the reality of my problem. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep; thoughts of my future, my past, my family & friends, even my own funeral consume my mind. Im a strong person, but this pain inside of […]
It’s mysterious,
the day you change,
suddenly feelings are engulfed by darkness,
and it feels as if you’re carrying a darker shadow than usual.
You wonder if people notice,
but you don’t think they can,
until you get that one person who says “Why are you so different all the time now?”
and you realize that everyone has noticed,
they’ve just been too polite to say anything.
You curse yourself,
but how could this be your fault?
This isn’t something you wanted,
this isn’t something you can change.
You swallow down the pills,
that numb your brain, feelings,
yourself.
To please you parents, your family, your […]
I’m gonna level with you, all of you strangers. I don’t know you but, the suicide project is our connecting element.
I want to kill myself, if only I could shut off my brain long enough to do it. I feel most comfortable when seeing my own blood seep out of my skin after cutting, or the pale sting after branding my skin. -not normal, I know- but my dad died about a decade ago and I feel the loss of him most keenly. the marks show me how long.. maybe in a few shots I’ll forget my pain. the scars from my before mentioned pain […]
Today, i’ve tried to hang myself…
I think i’m gonna try again once i’m drunk enough, i don’t know if this is a cry for help…
Or maybe is just a warning… Fuck it
i’ve tried, i think i’m gonna hang myself in a sheet…
i’m drinking right now, smoking…
today i’ve used 1,5g of coke…
i’m feeling like i don’t have a place here, i think i am a problem…
no one cares, i just want to die…
i don’t want to be a deception anymore…
i’m sitting here for hours and crying… sip by sip… cigarette after cigarette…
my neck hurts from my […]
Just a few things on my mind and I may seem harsh but reading some of these comments are making me ill. Your all encouraging each other to take your life’s? Giving each other options for easy ways out? I have been in the exact same situation as many of you&it does get better. We don’t need to encourage each other to take the easy way out. We need to be sharing some fucking hope! So if I come across as harsh, it’s because I generally care.
First of all, I don’t give a shit what anyone says; There is no reason why you should take […]
This is my second post on here….when I say post, I mean not just making a comment on someone else’s account.
I promised a friend on Saturday, that I would take one day (today meaning Sunday) to really consider what I am doing. What I am planning to do, in hopes that I would find something within myself to hang on. He is a spiritual person, however I am not, at least not anymore and haven’t been in many years. However, it didn’t hurt for me to want to hold onto something, it didn’t hurt me to try. So with an open mind and heart, I […]
Have you notice that now a days people are all doing the same things and if your unique, you become an outsider.
When I was in primary school I notice this was happening and I tried to be the exactly the same as them but that’s impossible so did what I thought was right, just be myself, but that was the wrong decision. I spent the time after I realise what I have done trying to fix up my mistake that I didn’t care for my study.
But I tried to fix something it was another step into the other direction. My grades went from great to bad […]