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pain

by violet5

I’m gonna level with you, all of you strangers. I don’t know you but, the suicide project is our connecting element.

I want to kill myself, if only I could shut off my brain long enough to do it. I feel most comfortable when seeing my own blood seep out of my skin after cutting, or the pale sting after branding my skin. -not normal, I know- but my dad died about a decade ago and I feel the loss of him most keenly. the marks show me how  long.. maybe in a few shots I’ll forget my pain. the scars from my before mentioned pain are a reminder of how weak I am.

sometimes I test how long I can stand smothering myself with a pillow… not long. too bad. the pain is too much. I feel too much. it is my  curse.

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melodychild 8/15/2015 - 7:58 pm

You’re not alone in feeling that way. I’ve never had a close loved one die, but I still feel all the things you described. The relief of cutting, the sting and watching your blood seep out. I don’t cut anymore but I often long for it. The pain on the outside is a nice distraction from the never ending storm going on, on the inside .

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