I have a long weekend coming up since my work is closed Friday. My best friend suddenly isn’t talking to me and the guy I like and have done everything for and spent a ton of money on tells me he’s about to lose everything and be locked up again on the account of being homeless and doesn’t want to see me so fuck everyone for being fake, fuck everyone for not caring about me, fuck everyone my life doesn’t matter to, fuck this world and every last person in it. I’m fucking DONE!
Category:
My Suicide Note
Hi, My name is stefan and I’m 31 years old. I made many mistakes in my life and caused pain to a lot of people. I’m absolutely sure I will end up in hell after committing suicide. I realy like to talk to other people that know for sure they will end up in hell.
I’m blind so most parts of this site are not accessible for me. So please answer me by email. my email address is: stefan@deds.nl
Best regards, Stefan.
I’ve been on this website for about a week now.
I’m in therapy. I have been for numerous different reasons since I was 11, now 33.
I’ve told my therapist about being suicidal, that I have plans, that there are constant images at night, and I have access to guns.
Everything I’ve said is ignored. I don’t talk to friends or family about any of this – because I’m the one that everyone depends on to help them with their issues (doesn’t help that all of them know my degree is in psychology).
I’ve started developing better assertiveness skills… but the suicide stuff won’t stop.
I’m seen as “being ok” […]
People say ‘just give it time, hang in there’ etc but what’s the point? It’s just more time to decompose, for your mind to deteriorate.
10 years ago someone said to me ‘you’re on the cusp of a really great relationship’, now that person is married and I haven’t had one relationship since. If that’s not a sign to slice your throat and let the blood pour out until you’re gone I don’t know what is.
None of my ‘friends’ talk to me anymore, or invite me anywhere, I never go out anywhere. When I texted everyone that I was changing my phone number no one responded. […]
Above the lofty heights
You see me and my broken wings
Am I going to jump again?
Will today be the day I finally fly?
Nay, never again will I
Today is the day that I die
Soaring free
I cannot sleep
I close my eyes
But I can still see the stars
In front of me In waves
Colours so pretty
Just like the memories
Of your face
Feathers float away
Down into the deep
The unforgiving grey
Shall I follow down?
Down into these depths
I can’t see
All I have are these
These painful memories
I don’t know if is worth being alive because of two things:
1) Mi career has pushed me away from what I wish the most… Someone to love, take care of and make a family with. Grow together, look up for our kids and love them forever.
2) The only person that saw the good in me is no longer here. She left me for someone else. She stopped believing in me. In 24 years no one dared to see in the deepest part of me and love me unconditionally. She wasn’t able to understand the illness that haunted me before she came in. With her I […]
I want to die
I want the death of;
The way my partner doesn’t see me anymore.
The horrible feelings I get when my partner is cold hearted and doesn’t want or return my affections.
Loving somebody who always wants to break my family.
Feeling abandoned and lonely because my partner will gladly never see me again.
Feeling sadness for my kids because they will grow up not knowing me how I thought they would. Being a part time dad changes the way you interact forever.
The way my partner sees me now.
Okay. today sucked. Woke up getting yelled at for shit I didn’t do. Went to sleep with people doing stupid shit. Okay so you should fucking know that if you have a damn headache , NOT TO FUCKING SIT AND WATCH LOUD ASS VIDEOS WITH YOUR GODDAMN HEADPHONES ON WITH THE VOLUME UP TO 100. But NO god FUCKING forbid you do it anyways. Is it helping you? DO YOU FEEL ANY BETTER? SO HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL? HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FUCKING FEEL TO SAY YOU LOVE ME THEN FUCKING IGNORE ME? DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD? CAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE […]
Ever since I was younger, I have always put on a mask. I only let people see what I want them to see. And what I let them see is me, happy, hardworking, selfless, caring, okay. But because of this, I always end up bottling up the bad thoughts and feelings inside of me.
I have a great life compared to many people. I know this. I have great parents who love and support me. I get good grades in school. I’m from an upper middle-class family. I go to a great university and know I can go to a great graduate school. I’m healthy. I’m selfless, respectful, […]
I don’t know if you’ve seen that slam poem, but you should. You know the one by the guy who has bipolar disorder where he says “I think a lot about killing myself, not like a point on a map but rather like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never been quite bad enough to make me want to leave” and then goes on to talk about the future and make you cry? I watched that poem once and I remember that line sticking with me, always in the back of my head, always there when I was feeling like doing it.
I think my method would […]
My job is going under, so I’m out of a job. I’m homeless already and can’t pay to stay anywhere now. I’m disabled too but they say I’m perfectly fine so that I can’t so much as get a disabled bus pass. I have been promised full time with benefits for the last 8 months and now they are going out of business. And my love is begging for a place to stay too, and I had hoped so much to be able to get my own place so he could stay with me. I know he’ll never be mine and now what can I […]
26 days left.
I still haven’t met anyone since the previous posts. not even on the dating apps. Every day, on tinder, I hit the max amount of right swipes allowed, yet I never get a response from even one person. The other apps just remain silent. No notifications, no messages, nothing. I tried meeting people over the weekend by going to a few bars. but it just wasn’t my scene. Everyone I talked to looked at me like I didn’t belong there. I hate this feeling of neglect. I’m useless, absolutely fucking useless. I’m begining to think this whole 30 days to meet people thing […]
Im never writing to myself, its always been a letter to the universe, if They could hear my thoughts. to you? which you may never receive ,if only by cause. or my final notice,which I never really know what I would say. But I know now understanding is never really quite enough, sure they understand,does this mean I’m not alone then why is it so cold in this heart, I call home. if it’s worth trying. ?I know it’s not enough which I why I should stop writing to you. It’s hopeless, Im hopeless. I don’t wanna be the reason, I don’t wanna cry. cause […]
To kill oneself or to not kill oneself? That is one hell of a question.
I’m stuck in the middle my own indecisiveness. On one hand I don’t want to hurt those I think I love but at the same time I don’t know if I can continue. I just have this empty feeling all the time. I constantly doubt those I know ‘love’ me. Everything is just so tiring.
I’m scared I won’t succeed then have to face the consequences.
Maybe I want someone to ask me directly. Then I could tell them but I know they won’t do […]
I’ve had an okay life, better than some worse than others I guess. Thirteen years of confusion, pain, anxiety, love, depression, loneliness, among many other emotions. Even from the start though I never saw the point in living, my first thought of suicide at the age of four; they weren’t too serious though, I was just wondering I guess. After that I didn’t really think much about suicide for a few years (I’m pretty sure), the next time was probably just occasionally during grades 4, 5 and 6 when I was getting bullied by people at school and persistently beaten up by my brother when […]
(sorry,please forgive me for my bad English)
I joined Suicide project just a month ago.
I found this site when i was searching for The most easiest and less painful methods to kill myself on google. I read all the daily posts of of SP but never had that guts to post my own story. It really inspires me when i see how people are expressing their feelings,because i really can’t express my own feels to anybody.
I never tried to share my feelings to anybody,its really embarassing,
because I know nobody cares..and nobody will..I don’t talk much so they thinks Im moody,egoistic,
selfish,proudy and […]
Ive recently been diagnosed with manic depression. I’ve been reading the posts on here for the last few months. About 2 years ago I tried to kill myself by hanging and was nearly successful. I was unconscious and found by paramedics which is unfortunate. I’ve been battling with my depression for some time now and have had a partner on and off for the last 4 years. The support I’ve received from my friends and so called partner is diabolical. I know my parents will miss me especially my mum and I am so sorry and love you with all my heart. I just can’t […]
I am 18 years old im not posting this for any other reason than to just do it, my lifes not always been easy but its not always been hard either ill admit that however all my life I’ve had bi polar schizophrenia I didn’t know about this till very recently and well my familys abandoned me they lied threw me out hell my moms a special ed teacher and well I never knew how hard this was going to be but I tried to commit suicide when I was 16 I rehabilitated and focused on positives it was ok till I was thrown out […]
Dear God,
I know everyone has hard times in their life. I know people all go through different times, extents, and ways of bad. But I’m wondering why mine seems to be the worst case scenario on all accounts. I’m wondering why I can remember more bad times than good. I know there will be bad times. But there has to be good times too. I’m wondering why you took my mom away. Things seem just have gotten a different type of bad now that she’s gone. My step dad is now drinking himself to death and picking up all my moms old habits. Why […]
28 days left
I found someone one a dating site last night who had many similar interests. We talked all night and then some today. I felt happy for the first time in a while. She started flirting with me and I honestly couldn’t believe it. We agreed to meet up next week to go hiking. Of course my fucked up mind instantly fell in love which never ends well. Turns out she likes some other person. Not sure why she’s on a dating site if she isn’t looking for someone. Maybe she just lied about liking someone after seeing my picture. Can’t blame her, I’m […]