For your poems.
Today I woke up drained.
Drained of energy.
Drained of life.
Drained of happyness.
Drained what a total drag.
Today Im dragging everything.
Dragging my heart.
Dragging my soul.
Dragging my emotions.
Dragging my thoughts.
Today I feel alone.
Alone in my mind.
Alone in my heart.
Alone in this room.
Alone everywhere.
Blah.
I think of you everyday.
I think of you, I think of you and I try to measure how much it hurts to not be able to talk to you. It has been too long that it has become hard to remember the feeling of being your friend. And when I do catch that feeling, I can feel a sense of peace, then it leaves me just as soon as I begin to remember. I have sunken and drifted too apart from you, and it was only when you abandoned me that I realized that I couldn’t get myself to be carefree and deeply happy, no matter […]
Just the first few paragraphs, it takes a lot of energy to write.
This is a story, not of pride, ambition, or even power, although all of life seems to be about the struggle of power, no, this is a story of the small things, the things not noticed.
It is only in the cracks of society that one can find true humanity, most likely due to the fact that society is a mask to cover humanity, and that is why this story takes place in a city, for where else has society overtaken humanity.
Picture the scene, it is a church, but not the church you’re grandparents […]
Your heart beats louder, your lungs feel weighted out of stress. Your confused cause your thinking of nothing as if something should be there. You want something to appear regardless of your own desire, to focus on it and acknowledge it. Leaving everything else as a background. You convince yourself its there while in full conviction it decides whether or not it can stay. You separate your self to lighten the stress and your heart finds balance again, and you seem to have found it’s been nothing all along but yourself.
I’m here again.. I’m high again.. Lookin in the mirror. Lookin her in the eyes. She gets to hide. Behind those beautiful doors; closed. So silver; they shine. I turn away to see the dark; truth. I always find my way back. To see her again. Wishing I was in her shoes. And she was in mine.
This is why I love to get high. Finding my reflection in mirrors. Windows. She gets to hide for the ugly world. And I get to hide behind a fake smile. And live for the both of us.
Shut up. You’re a fuck up. You fucked up. Gonna go get high. Never gonna be satisfied. Be happy with what you have. Don’t shut your eyes. Not for a minute. It’ll disappear. *poof* its gone now. No longer here. You lost everything you love. You fucked up. There’s no escape. Can’t change your fate. Stuck in your ways. You don’t want to hide. Behind fake smiles and lies. But you can’t help it. Couldn’t change your mind. Even if you tried. Now matter how it fucks shit up. You do it over. A thousand times.
(about myself.)
So I wasn’t going to post on here again until I finally decided to do the deed but I wrote this short poem, and wanted to share…
I long to forget my fears and close my weary eyes
To fade away and leave my pains behind
I long to speak to you in words I just cannot articulate
To show that this is what I most desire
I long to cut my worldly ties and say my sad goodbyes
To choose the time of my own release
I long to end this life unlived and take that final leap
To say I love you but sorry I must leave
I lost you,
I lost you as a bestfriend.
Because of some boy you said you didn’t care about anymore..
I told you my explanitation
But ok
Fuck you,
‘friend’.
Anathema – Angels Walk Among Us (Lyrics)
only you can heal inside,
Only you can heal your life
It must have been an angel
Who counted out the time
Yes it must have been an angel
Who raised a knowing smile
And I just couldn’t reach you
No matter how I tried
No I just couldn’t reach you
So instead I ran to hide
(only you can heal inside,
Only you can heal your life)
Mother can you hear me?
Can you tell me, are you there?
Father can you help me?
Cos I know that you care
And I don’t have to fight it anymore
For all […]
I don’t know what to believe.
I am so confused.
About everything.
Especially,
The God,
The Devil,
Or something else.
I want to die.
My only cure.
Hopefully,
That day will come soon.
I was going to write a story like so many before me detailing my previous suicide attempt and how I failed at even that but my story isnt worth retelling.
My life has been one of deprivation, whether it was food, clothes or an education I’ve missed out on pretty much all of it. I did get my state funded high school certificate though, yay me. Essentially I’ve reached a point now where im unemployable, I have skills and abilities and an intense drive to succeed in whatever I do yet with these attributes still no one will give me a chance.
I hate my mom.. So fucking much.
I wanna die.. Not just because of my mom.. But just my fucking life in general.
All the fucked up shit.
I cannot wait till I am fucking gone.
Slowly…
i had to crawl.
My weak arms
the sounding of alarms.
The hot ground
burning my hands.
I can feel the fan
as i reach for it.
The blisters
are like horrible sores.
I can see the people
stare me down.
I can see…
no hands reaching for me.
The sounds of whispering
the sounds of the alarms.
They are loud
against my fragile ears.
I cant crawl faster
i can feel the blood
dripping from my knees.
All i want…
is to stand again.
To see
a helping hand
call out to me.
But all i see…
is the emptiness
of being alone […]
I was supposed to be a winner but alas my life is lame. I don’t know who to blame, I used to be a courageous young girl, but I guess life happens and I got too afraid to try out new things after waiting a long time for my turn. I am watching America’s best Dance Crew right now and noticed that these dancers are so full of life, the blood in their veins pumping with life, that’s why even if I am not talented at dancing I would like to learn. They have got this attitude of no fear, they have this swagger, no […]
I thought I was nothing once…
It seemed I was a small, insignificant part of the world, and when I died everything would keep moving forward as if I didn’t ever existed in the first place. My hopelessness… my struggles… they were all too much for me. I was ready to die, not knowing what was on the other side, but hoping it was better than the hell I was living.
I was two years old when my parents divorced. I was the daughter of a 24 year old Sunday School Teacher and a beautiful 18 year old High School Graduate, but others in our community […]
i choked and the headaches and sensitivity at night to sound are back but at least I’m helping someone learn how to suicide properly. I’m a 16 yearold boy with a brain filled with information “Not for the weak or faint-hearted” like the ranger handbook I got that is close to worthless but still okay. I know more than him about the cartoids even though I don’t know if it’s an artery or what, probably, but I do know from common sense that if you block it you knock out and I do that on a nearly daily basis. I went a good 3 weeks […]
I recently got with some guy that I’ve liked since the bigining of the school year, my 2 best friends, loved him, they cut over him, one, carved his name.. But I liked him first.. I don’t know who the ***** is in this situation, I would and am thinking its myself, but I don’t know.
A bunch of girls liked him.. I liked him, and it turned out he liked me..
The odd thing is that we never had any classes together besides gym, but we never spoke in gym, never.
We only had the TAKS and the Benchmarks..
But anyways, as I said a bunch of girls […]
I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
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