Ever since I can remember I’ve been blamed for everything I hate it because now every time something goes wrong I blame myself and feel like a damn burden growing up my parents worked more than they spent time with me or my brother I bottled everything inside I feel lonely all the time even when I’m around family or “friends” the thoughts of suicide get stronger I fear that one day even the thought of my 2 kids won’t save me I regret not putting a bullet in my head 10 years ago
I can’t afford to pause my life, not now. Even though I feel the fight dying inside me and passion becoming a confused hot mess. Everything keeps turning to shit no matter how hard I work or what I do. I feel like I’m continuously this toxic poison that everyone is forced to live with. They all suffer because of me. All the stresses of my life bleed into theirs, and it’s not fair. I’m far from happy, beyond stressed, just plain frustrated. I don’t know who else to talk to, I can’t handle this by myself but do not want to feel like such […]
Sighs recently i guess I’ve been doing anything to feel honestly now I’m just a piece of meat when i look in the mirror, first i did nothing but cut then i got to the point where i don’t feel it anymore it feels good sometimes, sex made me feel good so i had as much as i could get but now i just feel dirty and used (yeah guys can feel that way) and now i don’t know what to do ive cut as much as i could fit without it being too obvious now I’m just tired all the time recently I’ve wanted […]
i relapsed again today, to be fair i haven’t been doing good at all lately but id gone a few days with ought doing it and i was hoping i would have enough will to keep it going for a bit. especially because i need to let myself heal, me and my family are going on vacation in a few days and that always increases the risk that they’ll see my scars. and that means another type of relapse that i care not to […]
Do you ever just lay there and listen to the way your house breathes? Do you ever just lay there and watch as the shadows on your wall slowly change and grow as the time passes and the suns position changes? I can feel my depression breathing deep in my gut, spreading its shadow into my heart. It ways heavily and I fear there is not much I can do to stop it anymore. Slowing it seems to be my only option, but its triumph is inevitable. I hate feeling this way. I wish there was an option to surgically remove this depression and anxiety. […]
I wish… I wish I could stop crying myself to sleep. I wish I could stay up during the day and sleep at night. I wish I could say what is bothering me. I wish I was enough. I wish, I wish, I wish… That’s all it will ever be, never a change never a solution because the product of a wish is a miracle and I don’t think I can get one of those.
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This year I was diagnosed with a metabolic disorder towards my eyes. And my diet changed completely.
Then around May time this year I started to feel depressed, suicidal and I had anxiety. And I started cutting.
Then I promised my best friend I would stop cutting. I broke that promise twice. This time I promised and he made me swear on his life:(
A month ago I found out my dietitian thinks I need Physchologist, she thinks something’s wrong with me.
About a week ago I had surgery. And then about 2days ago I did the most stupidest move in the world and it could’ve ruined my life. […]
I don’t know what I’m looking for from this, a place to get everything off my chest to hopefully clear my mind. This is going to be a long post.
I’m 17, male, currently attending a school that specialises in Mathematics, I’m studying Mathematics, Further Mathematics, Physics and Computer Science for my A levels. I have links to a cyber security firm who will give me a scholarship and put me through a computer science degree should I choose to go to university. I also have a huge interest in nuclear energy and want to see if I can get a job in that field. My […]
Have you ever heard of feral children???
Feral children are those who have been adopted and raised by animals, which means even if they are brought back to societythey will always been impaired people why?
“Feral children lack the basic social skills that are normally learned in the process of enculturation. For example, they may be unable to learn to use a toilet, have trouble learning to walk upright after walking on fours all their life, and display a complete lack of interest in the human activity around them. They often seem mentally impaired and have almost insurmountable trouble learning a human language. The impaired ability to […]
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I thought I was okay now. And then I was told by my sister that I really do tend to be negative and say negative things, and then I’m back to wanting to commit suicide again. I just want to die. I just really wanna die.
There is never a month that I do not have suicidal thoughts. And I think God is selfish to not let us choose to die. If there is even a God to begin with.
I made this video so people could understand a little bit about what I’ve been through. I’m in a position where I’m asking complete strangers for help. Literally no one gives a fuck. I’m about to lose everything. Everything I’ve done on my own at least. Nothing ever works out. So I’m about to get kicked out of school and I asked for the funding I need on go fund me. So far I’m the only one who’s donated which is sad right? And I get it, but between the video and the go fund me page can anyone piece together how fucking desperate I […]
Your life fucking sucks. You don’t really mean anything because compared to how many other people there are in the world you’re nothing, and compared to how much time there has been and there will be you’re nothing. And yet you go through so much stress and pain and crying. So your life pretty much sucks ass. And you’re a fucking jerk because other people have it way worse than you. Some people don’t have parents. Some people don’t have a home. Some people don’t have anything to fucking eat. And you’re always whining “I’m depressed, I’m not loved enough.” You are pathetic. You deserve […]
Two of my friends are hanging out and going to the pool tomorrow and I need to decide quickly if I’m coming with them.
The only thing is I don’t really want to go. It’s not that I have something on, it’s just that I don’t want to go because I am depressed.
But then I feel like I have to go with them because one girl has asked us so many times to hang out and none of us are able to come on that day.
I think I would go if we were just hanging out but I don’t really want to go to the pool […]
So it’s been a few years since ive been on this website and made any posts. Alot has happened. I’ve had a few breakups. One was awful. However we just recently made amends. That’s good. But something terrible happened for me.
My depression became real bad and i began drinking heavily to kill pain. Alot less self mutilation but drinking alcohol at about a rate of 1 liter a day. I used it to try to temporarily mask the sadness. I talked to a therapist and put myself in rehab. I am an alcoholic apparently. Meaning when I drink, I don’t stop at drunk i rather […]
As the days go by, I only feel myself desiring to kill myself more and more. I loathe more, I argue more, I withdraw more. When things go wrong, its the only thought I have. When things go right, I remind myself that it wont last. I hate feeling like no matter what improvements I make, I’m still put down, I’m still living off others, I’m still worthless. When I try, I just find myself exhausted. All that ever brings me relief is to sleep and I think that’s only because its the closest thing I can do to death without actually killing myself. I […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I can’t stand it when my mom comes home. She is usually home 2-3 days a week. She always has something bad to say to me. Today I mentioned to my parents about a stomach pain that’s been happening for almost a week now. And she told me I’m faking it. Its nothing. Just take some zantac etc. I’ve had stomach problems for the last two months on and off and still haven’t been to the doctors. My dad finally spoke up and said maybe I should go to the doctor. Anyways my mom…honestly sucks. She never has anything nice to say about me. It’s […]