I don’t know how I can stay afloat in a world that is so harsh and cruel. I can’t seem to pretend, like everyone else, that it’s okay, that I’m okay. I can’t “suck it up.” If I try that, I eventually explode, which is basically what happened last night at work. I’m too weak, too sensitive. No place in the world for someone like that. Even in nursing there is so much bullshit to go around. I just don’t belong anywhere. My efforts are for nothing.
Rants
I am so used to of being sad, depressed, etc that it has become my comfort zone. Perhaps it wasn’t that bad back then, you know, sometimes i still be able to feel happy, shut my emotions off but when i turn it on again, BOOM, all the negativity come flooding back it overwhelms me. Then, things got worse. I stopped trying to feel happy. I let myself being sad all the time. Now, that everything is starting to work out for me, I feel guilty. I feel guilty, for I know there are a lot of people out there not feeling the same.
I’m empty, but deep down I feel a very distinct emotion of hate, and sorrow. My mind is very confusing, to say the least. There are trap doors that hide behind old memories collecting dust, and I don’t have a flash light to rummage through broken dreams without being cut. Too bad my scars are not able to completely fade away, I can not hide everything from everyone and I seem to do a shit job at it anyway. But what I find is that the people who notice are the people who really care. I mean, if you “care”, that’s fine, but don’t hang […]
I’m sick of people.. And no one likes me. I’m tired of always trying to fit in. People come and go, does anyone really actually stay? And if they do stay, it’s only little interaction, just little thoughts like “i haven’t talked to this person in a while, I guess I’ll see how they’re doing.” And so you talk for maybe 4 messages back and forth and then they leave again. And you sit there optimistically like “oh okay, talk later then”… That hardest part is accepting that, they’re much more apart of your life than you are to theirs.
Imma go pound on my keyboard now. Have […]
its like i feel like screaming and crying and destroying everything but at the same time i just want to curl up and die silently and i want everyone to see me and care but i want to be alone and have no one even know i exist. its confusing and scary and i cant tell ANYONE my dad couldnt care less about anything to do with me and my friends dont need the added stress
I consider myself to be an Empath. You might be one too. It’s been extremely difficult to live and function in a society where people don’t really have empathy so it’s hard for them to really feel what somebody else is going through. And that’s why so many people are ruthless and cutthroat, you know. Being and Empath is like having a finely tuned ‘Bullshit’ Lie-Detector. It’s really strange to have the ability to really feel what other people are feeling because I don’t know how to handle and cope with it. Now, staying away from strangers is easy enough; I just don’t go outside […]
I wasn’t like this at first. I was so happy. I had strong religious faith. I was a good kid overall, so much that being depressed was out of the question. I guess the world is evil. The world changed my more mature self. I became more aware of problems. More family problems, friend issues, doubts in my faith, everything that was enough to tip my world over. My parents hate each other, but they stay together because of me. My friends don’t really care about personal things, and if they do they aren’t very supportive. I’m not the smartest person. I’m not pretty. I […]
Night is basically my very own poison of the mind time. It is where all my demons like to hide and plan all the ways they are going to attack me. It is the time when my mind likes to remind me that I am worthless, pointless, useless, hopeless, and unwanted. It is also the time I make all my suicide plans.
She had come home from Chicago the night before. She, our roommate and I were drinking and watching Archer. I passed out. I came to with a raw cough in my throat like nothing I’d ever experienced. Turns out I threw up in my sleep and Roommate had to roll me over. He pointed to the soiled pillowcase in the laundry basket.
I heard my girlfriend whimpering low. I was the one in her life who knew her for the shortest amount of time, and yet I was the only one who could discern the barely-perceptible difference between her regular whimpers and the ones that indicated […]
I am a 16 year old girl (will be 17 in 2 days), and well, what can i say, i am depressed and have suicidal tendencies.
Though i probably have everything, perfect scores, bunch of friends, money, and complete family, i feel this emptiness inside me. Every single day i know and i feel that something is eating away my hope inside me. I dont have the spark in my eyes anymore. I’d cry my eyes out until i fall asleep, i overthink it kills me, and i am highly emotional. I get angry and sad in a matter of seconds.
Perfect scores doesnt mean im happy. […]
I lay here all night and morning till the sun comes up. The light hurts my eyes now I’m so used to being alone in the dark and enjoying the quiet that I hate so much. It’s not that I like being alone it’s all I’m used to. How do you go about changing that? Make friends, get into a relationship, go outside and live a little? I can’t anymore, I’ve lost my connection with the rest of society it’s just me, my bed, and my thoughts. I don’t even want it to go away anymore I just want it to be quiet forever. I […]
“I am hungry but I can’t eat.
I am tired but I can’t sleep.
I am depressed but I can’t cry.
I am suicidal but I can’t die.”
This is my first post so bear with me if i make a mistake. My name is Curtis, Im 14 year old male and this is my story. My parents split when i was 3 and i never thought much about it and when i reached Grade 4 my dad came back into my life. I was so happy i couldn’t believe it i missed him so much. After a year and a bit it was October of my Grade 5 yead and it was my weekend to see my father. When i arrived i went to my room to sleep cuz it was late […]
I’m not suicidal, but I don’t want to live. If something naturally happened to end my life I would be relieved. I feel like my entire life has been one disappointment after the other. I feel like people shouldn’t have kids if they can’t look after them. I feel like my parents shouldn’t have had me, it was irresponsible. I feel like as a general rule, people are selfish, and through that I have been abused and irreparably damaged. I used to be so excited about things and life and was such a happy kid, but I’ve been through too much now. There is millions […]
I have a lot of time on my hands almost everyday and it gives my mind a lot of room to think. What I ask myself most often is if I honestly matter? Do I even have a pirpose in life? And if so, why does it seem like my purpoae is to only cause people pain. I don’t matter to anyone, they all just act like they care so they can get something out of it. I am sick of this. What do I do besides leave everything behind?
I’ve never posted anything about my depression online for everyone to see. Hell, I’ve never even told anyone about it for fear they’ll look at me differently. Anyway, here goes. I’m eighteen years old and there’s not a day that goes by I don’t think of killing myself. The worst part is, there’s not just one reason or a specific traumatic event I can blame it on. Honestly, my issues don’t seem half as bad as the majority and I know I should be thankful and appreciative but I can’t. I’m just sad. All the fucking time. I used to think it was because my […]
My suffering has been never ending for over twelve years. I am 18 years old and about to finish high school. I don’t know if I will reach that finish line, as I am stumbling hard. I won’t go into my whole backstory, but I will mention some of it.
I’ve suffered extreme bullying for my whole school life. When I finally got into high school, I thought it would change…I thought it would be different. How wrong I was.
The bullying started up again very quickly, but none of the teachers ever gave a shit. Recently, that bullying has turned into sexual harassment, and nothing is […]
I won’t bore you with a backstory. But it’s not good – abuse, death etc. etc. Back in November I fell in love with this girl. I’d been in long and serious relationships before but this was a very different feeling. After things went, for want of a better word, tits up I gave up on the idea. When I found out it wouldn’t work I got severely depressed. It also sparked OCD, insomnia and anxiety. I felt a little better one day and developed a relationship with someone else however my feelings for her faded and the feelings for the first girl came back […]
Now I want to kill myself for the simple fact that I’m sick to death of every person on earth saying I’m bat shit crazy and fucked up in the head because I want love in my life!!!! Everyone since I was a kid has said that it’s wrong for me to think about love or want love!! Now I get called bat shit crazy and am said to not know what love is or be capable of loving anyone!!! I am going to fucking kill myself this year so everyone can shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!
Hi again, it’s me.
Things have been pretty rough over the last few days.
So, I’m genderflux (for those of you who don’t know what that means, my gender fluctuates). So some days I’ll feel really strongly gendered or attracted to a gender (eg. female, as I was assigned female at birth), some days I’ll feel quite weakly gendered, and some days I won’t feel any gender at all.
But I started wondering whether this was the right term to use to describe myself. Some days, I’ll feel a bit like a girl, and I’ll want to wear skirts, and other days, I’ll want to […]