I bought a breakfast sandwhich, when I coulda had some dank french toast. This decision keeps bothering me. I don’ t know how I’m gonna deal with it.
Rants
Before you read: A little bit about me. Im 15, IQ of 132, Always curious about how things work. Mind seems to wander off all the time thinking about things and for the most part a very caring person. And sorry if it offends some of you. But I am an atheist.
When I was growing up, I was in a small town. With about 1,000 people in total. I went to a small school that in total had about 300 kids in the Elementary, Junior high, and High school. In kindergarten-5th grade things went really good. I had a few really good friends, we’d hang out […]
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I tried half a teaspoon of Pentobarbital with lemonade today. At first I wondered why it wasn’t working. Then I stood up and I couldn’t walk straight so I got into bed. I woke up 17 hours later (I fell out of bed a couple of times) and I was hungry so I got something to eat. I was still heavily intoxicated and drowsy so I went back to bed.
I dreamed that I lived in a city enclosed by platinum panels forming a dome. Outside was a red, post-apocalyptic wasteland. There was a hole at the top of the dome?the only exit to the city. […]
how do you care or support for someone who asks for your help but then treats you like crap? Especially if that person is family. You can’t talk back to your parents or speak up for yourself because the world has tauught you since you were a kid to not talk back to ‘authority’ or ‘elders’ or ‘parents’ or ‘carers’. Then there are people who teach you that you should speak up for yourself, tell them what your thoughts or idea or opinion is….when you finally do it, it just seems to go the other way and you give up….stop trying, not bother, be pushed […]
I’m not quite sure what it is about me but I just plainly suck at life.
First off I’ve never had a real relationship. Just meaningless sex (and not a lot either). I have no idea how to even make real friends(although I have a few from childhood) that truly care about you. People constantly tease me and nobody respects or even aknowledges me.
I’m a coward to the core I’m generally afraid of life. I get scared like a b*tch even when kids yell at me. Not to mention women.
I’m uncoordinated and clumsy.
My sister used to beat me up for no reason other than she felt […]
Can someone help me understand how the very guys that hit me and hurt me are also the ones that give me hickie a and all that stuff? I used to be sexually molested a lot. The guys would go from hurting me in every single way to rubbing my thighs and kissing my neck. How is that possible? I’m not even that pretty to be honest. I should post a picture but it might torture you guys…
I hate it when people say, “It gets better”
Like how the fuck do you know? What if it doesn’t get better. What if I just continue to fail miserably? What if everything just gets worse? Was worth waiting around? Was it worth trying so hard every day, to just fall flat again?
I don’t think I’m willing to keep following the cycle.
Just when you think things are looking up and getting better, life finds a way to deepen the pain. Am I being tested? Is this some cruel joke? I’m getting exhausted fighting on each day to avoid hurting my parents and friends. I like to imagine they’re just pretending to care to make it easier for me to go, but I know it isn’t true. I started praying to God again for help, something I haven’t done in 3 years. Things have only gotten worse since then. Maybe I just want to believe that I’m not in control of my own destiny, because me in […]
This was going to be a comment… somewhere… But it got promoted to a post.
I think a future where society has dissolved the taboo that one should /not/ have control over their own life, is a great and wondrous one. I would argue control over ones life is a cornerstone of freedom, and without that basic right, we are oppressed.
The natural order is to die from disease, not from old age. Today life expectancy has doubled *worldwide* since the 1900s. So, It seems we are just entering the era of death from old age (if 70 is old). Still it is almost always from illness […]
“There are three deaths. The first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time.”
– David Eagleman
Had I continued living, I’d still be all but dead-to-the-world. The only people who spend time around me are people who think I’m useful; and what am I, if not useful? Replaceable? Professionals, because they are paid to; coworkers, because they have to; salespeople, to sell; etc, etc. (Yeah, I know, my fault-but social development was never important to my family.) Don’t […]
I’ve been suffering from the disease of depression for a while- my brother had it, my mom had it, and now I have it. More than once have I contemplated my suicide- I’m worthless, unattractive, stupid, mean, unloved, and pathetic. However, I have tried and tried and tried to look for ways to do it and I always come up without an answer. Clearly for me, the best way to go is consumption of pills- there are plenty of those in my house. However, I have heard of liver failures and such, and I’m so afraid that dying will be painful. I don’t want to […]
Is it worth it to be sad for loving someone who doesn’t love you back?
Is it worth it to hear all about how much she loves that guy, when in reality all you want is for her to love you?
Is it worth it to hear every single day about that guy that she loves so much, just to not lose her friendship?
Is it worth it to be everyday, every hour, at her side, faking to be okay, when in reality you’re in pain?
Is it worth it to keep the fact that I love her so much as a secret so that […]
I tell you i’m serious. Over and over I tell you i’m serious. I tell you if you’re not serious then get the fuck away from me. I tell you to fucking be serious. Every comment you’ve posted affirms my view of this world because i told you to stop and you wouldn’t and could not stop because you love what you do. you characterize me when i explicitly and obviously tell you otherwise. you diminish every single one of my words. you deliberately write comments that sound unfazed and uncaring and smug. you need to go away. you need to stop typing because you […]
okay, so i was just writing a post that gave everyone all the information that could possibly need and then some about any reason I may have for feeling blue. I had to stop myself mid way because I realized it wasn’t even helping me out. I was boring myself! Instead, what I am going to try to do here is just blurt it all out. Say what I’m feeling, maybe add a reason or two, and then move on to the next whatever comes to mind. I’m hoping this does at least a little something for someone if not for me.
3………………3………………….2………………………………….2……………………………………2……………………………..1…………..GO!
worthless. I […]
Can someone please help me end this? This is ridiculous.
For me to have the strength to end it all, i would have to have some motivation. If I had any motivation to do anything, I would cling to it. I would survive.
At this very moment, though, I only have the precious remnants of it. I’m drunk, so there’s some dopamine or some other shit in my system letting me be enough of a human to write this. Letting me be a man. A man which is strong enough to send a hopeless and desperate cry for help.
I work 50 hours a week and I give […]
First, there’s no such thing as a new person saying “I don’t know where to begin.” There is no place to begin, so saying that in your post means you’re overcompensating for using a different email. Second, if you talk about things that are not real, like buying happy pills or your fucking job, then you lose all credibility here. Third, every single person on earth hears voices it’s just that some people who love to judge and label things because they are afraid of not knowing things label and judge their voices to be somehow more special than self proclaimed normal people. The voice […]
Hi, everyone.
The past couple months for me have been the same as before: sad. Then I realized something today, I can actually change my life, like maybe I’ve actually just missed this big solution to all my problems and now, I can finally be happy, or something.
Generally, people think I’m ‘chill’, and I guess I am, on the outside that is. On the inside, I have great turmoil. You see, I’m a very pessimistic person. Small offhand comments can stay with me for weeks, months, or even years. I’m always told to start ‘thinking positive’, and I’ve tried but it never works, or maybe it’s […]
I would not categorize my self as depressed, but as an angry, lost, and weak individual. I’ll start my story in the year 1986. My father and mother have meet, fell in love and decided to get married. My father’s family was against it due to social, culture, and financial difference. But my father went and got married anyway, Romantic you might think? But it’s not. My mother had so much shit from his family and here family [they refused to help and just got money]. And my father did not do anything but stood in the corner and did nothing. He was, he is selfish.
Speeding […]
There’s no point. Go inpatient, I fail a course capstone project. Go inpatient, I am still nothing when I get out. Stay out, I will find a way. I will make the impossible possible. I do not want anymore pain and loneliness. Stop trying to save me to make yourselves feel good. You’re making me miserable.
I did not want to get to this point. I have tried many things to avoid getting to this place. I had a rough childhood, my family is messed up(I do not feel like getting into detail). Despite my best efforts, my life is not working out. I cannot tell people who are close to me about how deeply troubled I am, I do not want to burden or freak them out. I used to believe in God and new beginnings and that if a person truly did their best things would work out. I am not sure about all that now. I tried reaching […]