everyday I plan a new escape route. This window, or that rope? This blade, or the bathtub, maybe? It scares the living shit out of me but it’s the only thing I’m 100% certain about. Death is the only thing that I feel is real. Death is the only thing I can relate too. Death is the only thing I see in my future. It’s the one thing I know I can do, it’s the one thing I know I won’t fuck up. People tell me every day that I’m selfish for wanting to end my life. but it’s pretty fucking selfish to force somebody […]
Our eyes met,
and for some reason I just couldn’t resist you,
I fell fast and so did you.
But then the sweet words you called me turned sour,
the touching wasn’t so gentle anymore,
you left bruises and scars,
but somehow it felt better to go through this pain with you,
than without.
I never believed in God,
but I started praying for death,
hoping some greater power could take me out of this misery.
Your mean words became my reality,
and my bruises you left on my body never healed,
they were permanent.
I left you, with swollen eyes and a heavy heart,
never knowing if I would find someone that would make me so miserably happy.
I can’t wait for the apocalypse. Maybe it will be Ebola, or Russia vs. The West or North Korea will finally build its first working ICBM. Maybe all of these will happen at the same time.
Then all I need is enough sertraline to make sure I still feel nothing while I sit back and watch the world burn.
Be carful of your own mind,it may not seem like it but u could be in denial,its a tricky thing really there isnt many ways to tell if your lying to yourself.well I can give you one way to absolutely tell if your in denial about something.Look for the tick.that split second feeling of unsure and insecure.that one off moment.if u pay attention you’ll realize just how big of a lie you’ve told yourself.I talk from experience it works but only if you have sharp senses about what goes on in your mind.A tip so u dont have to be like the rest of the […]
During the day my smile hides my feelings,
at night they come out,
that dull, empty feeling,
consumes me.
The urges come back,
my mind wonders.
How can you be so sad,
when no one has a clue,
I’m the master of disguise,
My feelings are my shadow,
my black cape I hide behind.
I’m so fucking done with this household and this “family”. I’m tired of being taken advantage of, of being the only one that works, the only one that keeps the fucking lights on, the only one that carries the fucking world on their shoulders and is still expected to do everything. I haven’t even gotten the chance to sleep today, fuck I’ve only gotten four hours to carry me the last 24 hours! But no, they still need me to do more and run all their god damn errands and run their welfare asses around like I’m their god damn taxi driver. They can all […]
scarsI don’t know what to do anymore.. I battle with severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and anger issues.I try my hardest to be what they want me to be.. the perfect daughter. Have the perfect grades, I was working 2 jobs but I just can’t cope any more. I’m lost. Dropped out of school at 15. Quit one job. Have barely any shifts at the other one. I blow up at everyone over everything. I can’t help myself .I cry everynight trying to think of new ways to be perfect… I tried cutting… It just wasn’t my thing so I started burning myself. The pain […]
For those like me there truly is no rest for the weary.But at the same time if your like me you simply cannot just end your life.not that I dont want to.its that I cant.being alone for all this time has shaped me.in my eyes I must be independant and not rely on anyone else.I must do things the right way the first time or not at all.discipline comes into action if I show weakness.I become so angry with myself for making even small mistakes it intoxicating.I have too much pride you could say.like this for example…I would rather die than be caught off guard.I […]
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=TXIP6DHrc2I
Everywhere I turn, I find someone who I think is going to treat me different, like I’m a person and not an object to be used. But they all turn out the same. All but one person, who I’m so scared that I’ll lose I begged them not to ever leave me on multiple occasions.
I’m all broken and hurt and I think I’d rather be dead right now than feel this. I’m not saying I’m wanting to die, but it was an observation. Why is love and friendship not easy to come by? It seems as if no one wants me for who I […]
Why movies is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why video games is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why novels is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why comics is much better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why anime/manga is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
in conclusion :
Why human’s IMAGINATION is better & more interesting than this boring […]
I would like to share with you all a moment in my life where I felt the value of living.
I am a big fan of comic books. When I was younger I would consume manga (Japanese comics) which led to my later love in life of American graphic novels and great American literature in general. My favorite graphic novelist is Alan Moore. If you’ve never heard of him I’m sure you’ve heard of some of his works. He’s the mind behind the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, V for Vendetta, From Hell, Lost Girls, the Killing Joke, and Watchmen. He’s a wonderful man […]
I want to die but I can’t. I still have people that need me to make money, too many people that need me to live. I’m not selfish enough to leave them with nothing. I don’t want them to suffer and die with me. I just want to die alone. So I have to live for them but it’s only the hollow shell of a life I’ve never really lived.
I’m still very young. I know this. At the age of 21 I should not be this hateful, this cynical, this forlorn, this lonely. But I am. I suppose I’ve always been unhappy. I’ve always been […]
I’m 16…..I’ve tried to kill myself 6 times this year, each time i tried something has stopped me. after the second time i told a teacher, she then helped me tell my dad, and from there i went to a psychologist, got diagnosed with depression, and got medication….
it hasn’t helped. i still want to die, still feel like crap every single day….i was going to kill myself last night….
But some stupid little voice in my head remindede of my best friend, who has told me that she would miss me if i died -she’s the only one…
i hate living, its so pointless…
sorry for […]
I’m so tired of this quote streaking across the internet like the shitstains of hippies … fuck the fuck offfffffff:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children […]
It’s 4:am.
countless cigarett and broken thoughts, and here I am again. Awake in the dead of night, alone in the darkness. It’s quite scary actually, the things you can get used to. My thoughts are running wild…my thoughts are running deep. I can never run away from the way I truly feel. The days are okay, I just run on rutin. Breath in, breath out, go to school, eat,drink, speak. Life is just a habit, I just do the things I need to do. Don’t think. Don’t feel. I’m shut down. I’m disconnected. My life is my rutin. It’s weird how little remains of me.
I […]
Hello
My name is Micaela,
I have been upset and miserable for as long as i can remember.. Last night I had I fight with my mom who I once held near and dear to my heart, she is slowly drifting away day by day .. I cant stop it I dont know how… she makes me feel bad about everything I do when in reality all I want to do is help and make her proud (she Always tells me that she is , but I never really feel it)… like today during the fight she was describing the things I do but when I heard the way she was describing me it was like an exact image […]
So it’s been a while since I last posted anything. I feel like I’m getting worse as the day passes by, voices are still telling me to give up and die. Last night I broke my chain of self harming. The last time I self harmed was a couple of months and that’s all I think about now, all I want to do is die, why can’t I be happy as I use to. There ain’t many issues happening in my life but I still experience a psychological war against myself. I just need out.
‘Pearls Before Swine’ by Stephan Pastis (May 6, 2012)
I’m not looking for advice at all since I have zero motivation to improve my lot in life. I’m merely writing this to ***** and vent and commiserate with any potential like-minded souls that might feel the same way while I’m still here.
I have no money. No job. And only got a high school diploma. I am 34 years old and am living with my parents, whom I […]
I’ve always been a sensitive emotional girl. I’m specifically 14 years old, but not quite like the typical ‘hormone-raged’ teen. At least I don’t think so. My family has always been considerably distant, and I’ve always been the odd one out. My entire family tree, every single relative, was born in China except for me. I’m also a generation younger than everyone else. Why is that? Well…
My parents lived in China, during the Cultural Revolution, which really had an impact upon their life. They never had a regular life. After the Cultural Revolution, they had my sister. My family was very poor, and barely made […]
For 5 years I’ve been depressed. That’s a long time. And thinking that it’s all over and I’m finally feeling better about everything in life is only a joke. My 18th birthday comes and no one in my family remembers. I blow out the candles alone and make my wish. Then just one day later, my parents tell me they are divorcing.. constant yelling and screaming. All I can do is collapse on the ground in tears. I’m completely alone now. My parents arnt there. My family is broken. My depression is back. I struggle to hold back anger. Anger at myself. Anger at God […]