Just one of those days…again. Chilling with my best friends, my razor and bottle of alcohol.
Rants
I’m new here, but I’ve been following this site for a few months now. I tried committing suicide almost a year ago. I was hospitalized for about 3 days before going into a psychiatric hospital for a week. It scared the hell out of me. I promised myself I never wanted to end up there again. The only people that know about this are my parents and my sister I was too ashamed to tell my best friend or any other family members. I did actually tell one friend from online but she completely laughed at me. Told me I was such a wuss  trying to commit […]
Everyday is getting tougher. I’ve not only lost the family I created with my wife but I can’t seem to find anyone who cares for me. I’m a fat ugly slob who sleeps with prostitutes so he can feel the tiniest shred if intamacy. I am trying to belong to a world that I don’t fit into. Not that I am trying to fit into any particular category that people try to identify themself with. I just don’t fit in anywhere. I am truly a misfit.I can make friends , laugh and pretend to have fun but its ultimately lacking truth and substance. I feel […]
I can’t think straight….I’m literally thinking about ending my life. My heart is saying ‘keep going you’ve made it this far’ but In my head. I’ve just about given up…. It hurts me… So much to know that if I end my life, so many people will be depressed. I have a lot of good friends but….. I still feel hollow… Like something is missing…. But the worst part is I’m CONSTANTLY crying and I CAN’T stop! No matter how hard I try!!! I can’t keep living this way. I’m trying not to give up, I’m trying to be as happy as I can but in […]
i dream of walking to it
my home
to count the crooked bricks
fall onto the too long grass
smell the juniper
go through the white door
with the lion knocker
walk through the rooms
the familiar spaces
and patterns on the floor
remember all the voices
all the sorrow
all the joy
through to the back yard
over old redwood planks
lawn surrounded by fruit trees
orange blossoms
to lay under the great mulberry
to gaze up into its branches
and broad green leaves
watch the light dance
and the sky dance
then peacefully
close my eyes
We all have felt the pain of this cruel world. Bullies, insensitive adults, ridiculing teachers, and so much more. This is a pain that seems to last forever. Truth is, it really does. I still can remember the pain I felt when I was bullied in elementary school. No matter how many cuts and bruises we take, we will never feel a relief. I love to feel the bite of any razor, and even cut over the same cuts over and over. Still though, over time the pain I recieve from these cuts dwindle more and more over time. My body now ridden with dozens […]
My ex and I broke up about a month ago. And I know all of you are probably like its just a relationship and I can find another one. Well this one is really messing me up. Me and my ex had a really good relationship but then she broke up with me for like no reason and won’t tell me. We still talk like if we are ‘together’ but then she says we are friends. I guess now she tells me she has a girlfriend but when we were together she was against all that stuff. Which I don’t mind but she is like […]
They listen, yet they dont hear. They think, yet they dont know. They hear my cry, yet they dont see my tears. So when I die, will they know I never lived?
I feel okay, every now and again, I try my hardest to be happy, and it works, every now and again-but for some reason after so long I just end up back here. Unable to move, breathe, or talk without somehow feeling pained by the burden. I can’t think of anything else except for how easy it would be to just finally end it.
I wish it wasn’t this way, there are plenty of things I would have liked to have done, and to have seen. But I’m not cut out for those things apparently, seventeen years it took me to finally realize that anything and everything […]
I was just thinking.
I came across this site and started reading some of these posts, and realised I’m not the only one who feels alone. ‘Im so scared of doing something stupid.
I’m writing a post on here because this is the only way i can get my thoughts out without the constant judgement. Today my mum woke me up so i could go shopping with her. I got all dressed up, I wanted to feel nice and i did. In the car on the way there i put my headphones in, and just looked at all the cars going past. Wishing i was […]
…of crying myself to sleep
…of not having anywhere to turn
…of having to pretend to be okay
of having so much pain inside it physically hurts every part of me.
I’m so tired of feeling like this, I wish I could close my eyes and never wake up.
I’m trapped. There is no other way to say it. I’m trapped in this life.
Death rests under my feet held at arms length by the rope on which I walk. It’s tight and narrow, a dirty beige line blaring in a spotlight. It groans as I walk. My toes tighten along the line as my weight makes it jerk and sway. It causes me to wobble and that’s bad. There’s no room for error in my performance. There’s little forgiveness. What forgiveness I do get, its hallow. The damage is done and there is no fixing it. It’s never forgotten.
There’s no room to turn around, no […]
Where’s the love? Where’s the laughter? Oh right, it’s there…Just not with me.
I need to stop seeing him. I need to learn to let go. I’d punch myself until I bled if he thought it wise… if he said so. I’d do it. He doesn’t care about the fact that.. Well, that doens’t matter anymore. I don’t want to see his face after this is over. It just reminds me of how often I frustrate, anger, and annoy him. I’m not perfect. I’m not his dreamgirl. I’m not his. Not anymore.. He abused me. I want out, I want to be treated right. I’ve given everything and more to him.. I’ve given it all. Everyday. Music is […]
I can’t  cry. I can’t read. I can’t write. I can only think. What am I? A mute? A social deficit defiling the medium? I don’t want to talk about it, because then it doesn’t mean as much. I can only keep myself moving.. barely. Going through the motions. Why must the motions take so much away from everyone around me? Why must I have problems with eatting? Why can’t I be beautiful and healthy? Why is there no normal to be attained? I even put on our song to evoke the rolling storm, but the tears never came. They did the exact opposite actually. […]
I’ve been going through depression for 3 years now. I’m 15. I use to think that it would get better and pray to god it would. I stopped I guess I lost hope in it three years does not seem like a long time but it is when you can barley get out of bed or do anything. I have no friends I once did but I push them all away. I began using drugs to numb the pain I tried weed spice meth and pills. Always getting in trouble for drinking. I screwed up my head and I basically became mute I only talk to my […]
I am new here, first post, but I’ve been reading posts here for quite some time now, and as sad as it is that so many people here are in so much pain, it brings me a bitter-sweet comfort that there are others like me. I really don’t want to be a sob story, or ask for pity, I’m just stuck and so confused about it all.
I guess I’m just very desperate for some relief. I have created the greatest of masks to hide the anguish that dictates my every moment and thought, but its come to a point that I can’t even hide anymore. I […]
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I’m sick of looking at myself in the mirror. I’m sick of my boyfriend looking at pictures of these perfect girls on his computer while I sit right next to him and soak in my self hatred. I wish I could be better I wish I didn’t have to make excuses for myself, I wish I had the strength to change. but instead I die inside everyday, as I pick myself apart bit by bit… I don’t even worry about the scars anymore, what’s the point. one of these days I’ll build up enough courage to pushthe razor a little deeper, then I’ll never […]
I’m tired of being so depressed that it makes me feel tired all the time even when i’ve had more than enough hours needed for a good night’s sleep (which rarely happens for me), i’m tired of trying to be strong, i’m tired of having suicidal thoughts, i’m tired of pretending everything is ok, i’m tired of worrying about the future and scared, i’m tired of living the life I live right now.
Sorry….this isn’t about a gun. It’s about how my mind is locked on self harm, and everyone else is loaded with words to makes me bleed. I don’t even know what I did to deserve any of this…I mean I guess I know not everyone is gonna like me, but I know not everyone has a right to hate me. I wish I didn’t have to say I was being bullied, that makes me seem weak, but the degrading words are killing me slowly…so maybe I am..weak..
its fryday and thers a girl crying in the boys bog and i realise people are so crule that im sick of them can you help me help her ples
right ill explane thers a amercn who has just come to are school for gcses FOT resons unkonwn to me and beeing a all boy school evrey time shes arownd evrey one acts like thave never see girl befor but as this grue old that startid to bulley her and this must hve gon to far because today she was in the boy lav crying her eyes out and cuting so i lock the door and put my mate out side to stop people coming in
“fuck off”
“love im not going to do aney thing to you nor am i going aney were till you tell me whats up” i […]